money bags, smokestacks, white powder and heights
on bent boulevards with brutal windows
reclusive silhouette stalkers hidden just behind
red mourners on charcoal ice
window shades plume, dust and ash diffuse into
twin horned rebels with sawed off exhaust pipes
ashtray dance/\clouds hover in the dark
as she tightropes straight down into the devils heart
the mirrors that surround
are as a shroud passed down
from the heavens to alter truth
all the cracks between the blue
are here resembled
love, dearly distorted
in the absence of breath or youth

at finding my insides a conical waste,
unfettered and zealous, I strolled deep into flames
in jungles of obesity and anticlimactic falls
the auras of her spells instantly dissolve
and all of the noises his bloated coffin gave
removed what remained, inside
velvet smoke culled like a viper
exhuming its prey
now hobbled crutches sway at the prow
(ship of gold holding more blue than the sea)
inhaling drops of silicon through the heated chemical rain,
melting
praying for this specter to absolve
even as it was forgiven in Eden,
now blue and useless
buried in clouds

How are you having a whole of whats halving are you god do you assimalte what im renovating and rediscovering what ive excavated so far is all in intensity the duration of a whole life rent with hell im imagining what life would have been if i ever learned to live without but i never did and this is why im dead between everything
Nothing is close to what i need
Waiting for the reaper to name me
Waiting for your darkesss to need me
Waiting for the light to redeem me
And nothing ever bleeds the same
You are chemically indoctrinated
By the stains of your lamented womb
And a callous widowed bystander
In the heart of the gold in my tomb
Death is the savior in memory
and the coldest glass before revival
Give me.something to love again

what a ******* life
and how sad is this conductor
to steal two planets from your eyes
mold them into space/\cast you down
and force you to live under them
but **** for real
it’s like I’m being ripped apart
and god how you desert me
like I never deserved you
and here I am still
under wedding bells
cancer
in anne sextons car
next to the ***** and sleeping pills
next to an angel
who speaks not of herself
who asks nothing of anyone else
who sold her keys to heaven
to drink from this worthless well
and god this heaven is enred
over a thousand dead miles
over places I cannot forget
under plumes of swaying darkness
wild  always distanced

eyes set to traumatize
life is on a wire straddling paradise
with the sun and the sky
cleaning their tools before they cut u open
dripping white tears into your open ribcage
as they bend to look inside
sad hands revolve like jeweled steam lamp lids
raising our two bodies into one pink casket

oracle leave your windows open
out from my mind  
breathe into my heart
god went
widows vast sleep
black veil beneath the dirt
eyeless destitution
envy me a-wake
circumspect
swollen world beneath lids of glass
unable to stray  unwilling to relent
cold hands ofwind
reeving rain of maggots
wriggled warring past palms of dissonance
to feed them and to feed the earth that bore them
line fingers slip into pockets white glow,
bent backwards
through traps set in speaking walls
woven together wet red on lattice
ravagingthrough energy
paused
staring at a moon wolf dressed in drag
sputter out coughs in vain
when he hustled away some rain away
with bitter sentiments + cooling breezes
insects skitter blac the town  
human is old and slowly leaving
he rose like a god

light emanate grey and white below
blanket the stars in violet and warm
mass falls onto backs
ascending he smiled
light of a thousand suns
fill into the cracks
cobblestone and wood
heart cold and dead
lives beast again

some gone girl is speaking when next to my bed
whispered linnet murmurs preying online thru perilous sheds
blue under trees under the moon to leave shadows in your head
god is unloving and fabled in redress
i am a tomb i came too soon i am the tomb to live too sssoon
with lead palms crawling out of skin molds to scratch at the moon
fingers left crinkled and shriveled under what is new
uncluttered archers in stone slit platoons
letting them go letting them go letting it go letting them go
im staring down sideways to watch it unfold
everyone can smile and everyone can glow
but it takes a special evil to hide it from all
limbic numeracy is past reaching goals
it spreads and descends upon the lives it unfolds
its holding a Mesmer that cloves what hasn't sold
then spreads it like skelter across the crust of the world
god god god god how the **** are u where have u been
i need u we needed u like now its like
i ******* never want to see u again
like here is the palm in the eye of the world next to a
doctor boring gold mines into the veins of the scourge
riding checkered pale hearses across blank frail reading boards
educating all our current lovers on eternity and remorse
ur lacking the emotion to understand why it hurts
ur lacking the heart to feel when it ******* burns
your understanding is nothing to the weight of my birth
u live like a vulture failed in naming her worth
i dont give a **** what u take into your remission
the reaper undevils me u know im lacking ambition
the burning in my throat is the lane of my life
empty bottles living rags eating forbidden apples like its nothing
screaming and unbelieving and inhaling the rest at night
bareskin is deadskin thats the only way she could like
its unburdened there where the aqua violet struts and stares
im terminally confused and in unending repair
thats the only way i can survive it not that i like it
just the only way to survive in it and its ******* nothing how i like it
it just reminds me of this and i want to burn in hell again
i need it to continue ill burn in hell again
**** u for thinking you owned anything
im alone in this no one is watching and touching m y shoulder
when im writing this i am alone in this i already disclosed it
i am emulsified in it the world that is forever unopened
and i never even learned how to calm down
and breathe in
this is all that its worth and u arnt enough human to unveil how it hurts

some gone girl is speaking when next to my bed
whispered linnet murmurs preying online thru perilous sheds
blue under trees under the moon to leave shadows in your head
god is unloving and fabled in redress
i am a tomb i came too soon i am the tomb to live too sssoon
with lead palms crawling out of skin molds to scratch at the moon
fingers left crinkled and shriveled under what is new
uncluttered archers in stone slit platoons
letting them go letting them go letting it go letting them go
im staring down sideways to watch it unfold
everyone can smile and everyone can glow
but it takes a special evil to hide it from all
limbic numeracy is past reaching goals
it spreads and descends upon the lives it unfolds
its holding a Mesmer that cloves what hasn't sold
then spreads it like skelter across the crust of the world
god god god god how the **** are u where have u been
i need u we needed u like now its like
i ******* never want to see u again
like here is the palm in the eye of the world next to a
doctor boring gold mines into the veins of the scourge
riding checkered pale hearses across blank frail reading boards
educating all our current lovers on eternity and remorse
ur lacking the emotion to understand why it hurts
ur lacking the heart to feel when it ******* burns
your understanding is nothing to the weight of my birth
u live like a vulture failed in naming her worth
i dont give a **** what u take into your remission
the reaper undevils me u know im lacking ambition
the burning in my throat is the lane of my life
empty bottles living rags eating forbidden apples like its nothing
screaming and unbelieving and inhaling the rest at night
bareskin is deadskin thats the only way she could like
its unburdened there where the aqua violet struts and stares
im terminally confused and in unending repair
thats the only way i can survive it not that i like it
just the only way to survive in it and its ******* nothing how i like it
it just reminds me of this and i want to burn in hell again
i need it to continue ill burn in hell again
**** u for thinking you owned anything
im alone in this no one is watching and touching m y shoulder
when im writing this i am alone in this i already disclosed it
i am emulsified in it the world that is forever unopened
and i never even learned how to calm down
and breathe in
this is all that its worth and u arnt enough human to unveil how it hurts

not good enough

lazy

a place for boots to walk over

weak

half human

need help

embarrassing

ugly

vapid

afraid

alone

ugly

violent

ha­teful

indignant

spiteful

miserable

ugly cold

stupid

accident

not good enough

lazy

lets people walk all over you

cry baby

half human

need help

embarrassing

ugly

vapid

afraid

alone

ugly

violent

ha­teful

indignant

spiteful

miserable

ugly cold

stupid

accident

we’re human
we aren’t perfect
& acting like we are only does harm to people & ourselves especially

idk how im gonna finish this

things undone
cannot be undone
lack of effort
cannot be undone
you cannot change anything that you truly feel
increase or decrease the intensity
or alter the way that it will lead you
and feigning heartfelt change
thru something u could easily erase
its defeating to tell the truth
is it worse than what u already do
idk
but its safely packaged
in all the passive relapses
that remind you of what you may have been sent here to do
if i never called u anything
would u still have said those things
or was it just easier to hide behind them
and pretend we werent suffering
and live unhappily
forever and after
shotgunned by the fear
of blame or a connection
to these halflife disappearances

somtimes u just gotta let **** go that you cant change, you cant erase what already happened and you cant react to situations differently than you already did

depth perception: limbs like brushes, black lungs scraped for paint.
this is how a creature is made:
stealing far too much time away
in thoughts, a worm, in a book or in a grave
I’d imagine a fatal infection feels the same.
fiends that are hooks
surrounding me
attached to my graves
are spending far too much time away
in sleeping books
that I read directly to them
they dont ******* listen
interpreting my words their own way
while I have been just waiting
waiting to be carried away
caligulas mark a blurry cross
hammering christian screams into pulpits
maiming
all these ******* fiends
all that were dear to me
swinging gallows with a belt, missing me and hammering freely
im not like them, I’m not free
stirring in indecision while I watch myself bleed
dwelling in solitary secrecy.
what is left to see
there is nothing
although there is this wind, as the metal eagle settles into skin,
a sunburst of splatter against a backdrop of sin
falling thru a mouth u opened and took away
stretching a canvas onto rusted coral grids
beneath a bridge white wind flourishing
conscious waves of traffic electric stops and starts
This is it floating from limbo into static human art
the summer on pavement
the winter is red
abstract and unrequited
bones out of mouth trailing  
a perfunctory rainbow spout
bones and jelly spread perfectly
an imperfect message but full of colors
lead on a leash through the pavement
from pleading dry bread lips
that before were sewn shut
in small cracks in rubble and filth,
the ***** blooming black flowers
too soon, or too soft
bloated fingers wave
rubber burned red
at what could have been
eyes setting fire to this consecrated patch of regret
amused as they struggle
in all the clustered corners of alleyways downtown
standing in the open
devils chasing dragons
leaving their offspring in the garbage
in a multitude of godless hosts
god wont rise with them
he says smear them like beacons
in remembrance of your long winded comatose
at every place where those flowers fight to grow.
jesus i swear it’s like Mother Mary’s garden eloped
with a self righteous catalyst of chemical throats
all sinning reletntlessly
immaculate creatures
****** raw by their own ghosts
and i know no matter what he says
they will never grow
they have no souls they will never grow
god watches down from empty space
stars planets celestial stains
with eyes from two kingdoms
living the dead
is he reading while i write this
she said he watches every subtle move we make
You see the dead like i do
floating over early graves
waiting for the forbidden fruit
like i do waiting for a small mistake
does he understand what the **** im saying
or does he only see in black and grey
Feeble struggling tongues sliced off
brought to bended knee muttering
how he speaks:
let their tears fall blue
and let them pray for red
they will never grow green
always reaching clandestine
from small clusters of flowering leaves
at the base of the river Lethe
we wont let them forget to struggle forever
through purple snaring weeds
(As we watch) grey angels drooling godlessness (omniscient breed)
soft feline lips begging
for a silver drip of  water
or a touch of ***** sunlight
on flawless unbroken skin.
he is watching, and the world is dripping
from an overflowing belly sun dangling from a cross chain
tethered to my dreaming while I am here struggling
epiphany manifest in me
a new way to **** inhibition, a new depth perception,
and a poison to escape this reality

rainbows sleep /live / hide above her open eyes

late
3 lights left
been a while
since i wrote under distress
log, lantern, cigarette
and this mermaid keeps swimming
through these dramatic scenes of death
unreachable
in complete red

i will

some old guy said hes gonna citzen arrest me yesterday for smoking **** outside targget  people are funny

iwalked into the desert u said you would be there u said baby i missed u to a ghost half dissapeared smoked thru talk for hours
sun folds and burning red when I bent to kiss you the devil shook his head and said hey pretty baby i been dreaming i feel u + i need you we ran and burned like cigarettes dripping by a ghost the whole world smelled like gasoline left in bitter smoke. in two convoluted circles our desert fell apart flew like slamming windows recanted our blue hearts dark now so dark dark now so dark dark now so dark dark now so dark dark now so dark a gold pen malediction and my soul to trade instead theres nothing left to love for when you’re already dead ripped off my face laid in my grave burned off my prints ive been erased and everything still looks like evil

love is a dead pool, still and itching from the eyelashes it holds unwillingly that will never move from its glass surface, there is no wind in hell. love is a broken antler broadcasting heaven thru its creature, barreling through the trees with unrelenting grief, when all that surrounds is dark, not evil, just dark, emphatically imaginative. Snapping  a neck on the trunk of a tree,  swan diving straight off a cliff into the sea or just to bleed, raining over the cracks in an earthworms ceiling. The dark that comes after, that is love. cog-less, fluid, and remarkable. completely human and cognitive when it constricts around your neck and lets u go just before u asphyxiate. Violent and gentle, caustic and admiring, a skeleton dancing without his hinges. It is wonder fed a disease, on prismatic plates without chips or marring; just colors one and all. i dont know where you are and i dont know where i have been. i need you to exist or some part of it, before my earth climbs out of its skin. with or without you. love is a blood wind, a mastic for skin, a backdrop for sin and everything that crawls in the dirt without limbs, it is godless and wild, a smoking gun, spiritual eviction, blood all over the bedroom wall, jealous and infinite, unnameable and free, a reservoir of  dark dreams and darker fantasies.
please excuse me, i see the headlights coming and
this rapture has been far to long in arriving
there is no spirit in the sky
everything is in your eyes
god is in your eyes

im not anything im just alive

You,
are so ******* beautiful
it keeps me awake at night
when i cant sleep
I dwell on things, cycles
I need cigarettes because they smell like my uncle
and remind me of my grandfather
I need you for desperation, need some shape of you to write
nicotine helps me clear my head to write
smoking **** helps open my mind
and for **** sure nothing makes me smoke more of anything than a woman
cycles
do they lead anywhere
or ever intersect,
or are they just circles
of self loathing and death

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this is how i want to live in
this is how i want to live in
white clouds and burial mounds
to cloud my indecisions fake lights
would bury me despite my own addmissions
but im the onee thats aglowing gun
when their shovels meet the skin
over dreamless mouths never
been forgiven snakes start out livid
screaming love all of your feelings
but they circle dead in readingvein faced stories from hearts that
they believed in
how can i still see them ?
thats what i could nvr sleep in
pale lights touch you like dead inside
and never let u leave them

white owl breathless beaming
pale is favored ghost
**** how you are feeling
when u feel it **** the most
breed evil when you’re sleeping
ghost finds pale is home
*** life under purple
is bareskin under bleeding vol
while you are wide away
sad poison smiles weeping
lungs sawwed off life precedents
for coffins that they’ll slleep in

i still read your old messages
and i still havent cut my hair
and i still go to that place
that we were supposed to go
and think about the things i want to say
when its late
and i am alone
and i think about when i saw you
driving past me
in the most unexpected place
and i wonder if you saw me too
and just didnt know what to say
i kept it to myself
and i assume you would have done the same
the longer this continues
the more everything else fades
everyone thinks im crazy
taking meaning from things
that may have nothing to do with me
but if it is madness to try to fight for something
that makes you smile without understanding
that confuses your perception of everything
then im willing to bear the name
its a gift that you have
to make someone feel this way
without even a complete sentence
the shortest messages
with such intelligence
putting everything i could ever write to shame

god rolling life up turning days into signs
+ everything is aligned
struggling and pulling  some new death at my families life
makes no senses or curses handed devil a soul to try
what is in constituted in living is honestly nothing
compared to blackrr trees in the blacksst night
standing still staring @ all the pretty white lights
with home as a ghost + the smoke in your eyes
wanna tear open new hearts from the breeze
hold them and love them like im on this new disease
and soak them in french absinthe from gutters in the streets
watcch  god cry + lift off his *** for me
and the devil is laughning here nxx to me
convulsing on his knees
throwing first stones  like apples
behind a undiscovered treee
we was laughing cuz he was crying
and u cant remake already deceased
so he follows the blood to the ditch whre faceless sleeps
tongue rolled out of head when his eyes hit the ceilings
I killed Adam and ****** Eve
an all i ca n hear now is sum angels weeping and the devil breathing pull off my head to c if im dreaming want to
change and to destroy you in everything that isreading as nothing is to something and believing is to anything
crack the lips of blood and fold them just for a feeling
purple beneath the weight of her endlessly dreaming
strangled by spinal chords at the  crooked junction whr shes reading
to choke out all  common and coagulated treethings
that sit inside glass buildings constantly repeating
i was born into a cubicle dreaming
the numbers are connecting + replacing my feelings
airvents are molding and the towels r made of seaweed
i was born into this cubicle dreaming
numbers are connecting and replacing my feelings

white cube hovering
4 white walls
white ceiling white floor
doors scratching hangnails
at hand of Solomon
cats wailing in
rats scratching
littlest fears distance
white windows white halls
future engine
hide this fast future discovers all
white horse white falls
space cannot be agreed with
space is just to live in
embalmed in everything that matters
and world keeps trying to steal it

hello i am here nothing nothing inside of me no spiders no webs neverlandhas king gone missing andwater runsthe deep
waste telling the peoplewho wait underwater its only an
oz of time until kingdomhas time to be saving
**** thisim saying im going away nothing livesor spells it right no one usesminds lik they deserve to diein
the sun eating checkers dying in
the sun. bridge bent water is under waiting drinking lungs untl they start to panic an beg..mouselife
understreetlights tootpick sword human death in eyes spell backwards what u want to hear straight and empty your veins glowing refill with ice refill with power with hounds and life// hello i am
here nothing nothing was inside of me no spiders no livers no wasteing parachuting into the arms of death spiny leviathin chords with rose lights 4 eyes she is spelling perfectly everything right
the rainbows  sleep live  hideabove heropen eyes