happiness is not a byproduct of life

is this a product of what i do or who i am

give it time I told u you are mistaken to believe anything or anyone beside myself will choose when I die

there is good in everything everyone sees as evil and evil in everything everyone sees as good

i have no bad feelings anymore take your drugs and *** and power everything i dont need i am alive without a chance of dying and the way that u are, this is something u could never be

pills are something and they seem like the same // death is a cold grave and cold feels like life again

dont hope just be

there is a type of pill to **** every type of feeling

I don’t understand people who care more about themselves than other people

i jus want love like it really can be like
nothing else matters to me
how it has been or how it could be

i spend at least 10 hours a day pretending the world doesn’t exist as hard as i can

this house iwll be my tomb

everything is becoming the same

**** every1 you ever loved
**** every1 you are dreaming of

most peoples writing that i read
i never want to read again

i cant be myself with anyone without ruining everything

someday every1 will feel the way u and i feel

ive been wasting my time on people who never deserved it for too long im doing this on my own

so ******* tired have to keep going

im sorry sometimes i cant keep away anymore

im trying to work to get these things even tho i feel like u think im wasting time
i have the time to do it
too many big things happening at once cant handle all of them
but it will happen

i have no bad feelings for anybody

i dont know anything that ever made me feel better without even being close at all just by what you say i love u i love u

its funny to me all theses people trying to place fake copyrights on everything did u know Shakespeare stole the plot for most of his plays from everybody but he made them better than everybody
and all these people trying to hold onto their scraps of nothing be what u were made to be

thankful for everyone here that has tried to help me even though you dont know u helped me

i have what i thought i needed asleep next to me breathing feeling everything

i love u i just dont know how to get past this

i cant change that the way that u are hurts me

i spent my whole life getting to be what everyone thinks u should be i had ******* everything and now i need to start over and everyone expects me to be positive and happy like it never happened

horrible night horrible night horrible nights

i have nothing to give to anyone except for what is inside of me someday i will have more but if it isnt enough now u never deserved it anyways

nothing feels low like this

thnkful for everyone that writes to me everyone that gives their time to me

i said because real love isnt real and u will never know because u never read this and its something u cant truly feel

calm, u are everything u need to be, u don’t need anything

today i told my mom i want to work in the cemetery
she laughed like i was joking but i told her i meant everything
i wanna dig up the graves and put the flowers on the faces
i want to live next to hoarded silence that only closed coffins can save and eat with the worms when im slipping from what is real
and feel some ******* peace when war is all i feel
i want to live i want to die
i want to be alive for ten seconds without needing to take my life
i want to love like i feel love can be like
but everyone is so ******* different and no one loves like its right
i told her its like im a god like i could fly
and river like the heavens crying god from the skys
i rip out every heart that ever tried to live inside  
mastered the forgiveness of people who said they would never lie
and plastered their faces into the corners my mind
everyone is a lie every god is a lie
and my face is melting hell to hold off the parasites
they still **** me with every bite and its a lie its the lie
its what i know is hiding inside
I am what is never mentioned and what goes there to die

i would have done anything for the people that i thought i loved without care for how it affected me

i have accepted death and u hold onto each piece that you believe pulls you further from it that is the only difference and its not moving at all you are just moving in the wrong direction

im going to try to be that person that she needs someday it isnt today and hasnt been that day for over a year

why cant you tell me you love me before i tell you i want to die