I want to be sitting on a couch
In a wooden house
Wrapped up in a wool blanket
Watching you as you get up
Feeling the shift of the weight
Watch your pale heels walk
Against the hard wood floor
Your muddled reflection
Shines on the scratches
You disappear behind
The red kitchen walls
And the bangs & noises
That you make,
Make me close my eyes
The aroma of coffee fills the air
And it's winter here
I open my eyes again
I can see a doe in our back yard
Licking the salt stone on the porch
I'm glad we live near the forrest
I'm glad we moved away from the city
You are able to write your songs, now
I close my eyes again
Lean my head back against the cold leather
Breathe in the crisp air
This is a world I share with another
It's ours
Then I hear your footsteps
And your lips are on mine
You are fragrant & cool
You taste like you just licked the spoon
That you stir into your coffee
Which you always do
I'm glad that I know you
And that you know me too

Waking up late
Is the only thing
I'm good at.

Finding myself
Imagining you
Doing things
You say your
Doing

I had a memory of when I was little
That wasn't drudged up by pictures
This is very rare
I used to sleep with a bible in my bed
I thought it would keep the monsters away
Kept it under the sheets at the foot
If only I still believed it worked,
Than maybe,
I'd sleep sounder.

No need to worry
I'm not here
To climb stairs

Follow me down the rabbit hole,
We have a very long way to go
I know you want to turn around
Save her from the porcelain god
That she prays to
But it's too late and she is already gone
I've got things to show you
Things that I trust you to see
I'm taking you with me
So follow me down the rabbit hole,
Slip your hand in mine
I'm going to tug you along through
And there isn't any need to be scared
The monsters in here are only after me
We've passed the rabbit hole & now
I see you looking around
It's a wreck isn't it?
I've let it go to ruin.
Your hand slips out of mine &
You walk towards rows & rows of
Endless houses that are destroyed and sorrowful
I built those once, they were beautiful
They hurt your eyes to look at, don't they?
You stand solid and silent, your eyes drinking in
This landscape that I had made
Then you begin picking things up
Putting things where you think they should be placed.
What are you doing?!
You look at me & say,
'I'm building'
I tug on your shoulder,
Making you drop a piece of debris
Stop, I say
But you aren't listening to me
You smile at me and kiss my forehead,
Then you proceed
I scream and shout and you don't listen
Get out! Get out! Get out!
This isn't what I brought you here for
This is my rabbit hole
All I wanted you to do was see!
You aren't allowed to touch this stuff
THIS IS MINE
I destroyed this for a reason!
I grab you by the collar and tug you with all my force
Your eyes are wide with surprise
For someone so small, I moved you quite a bit
And we make eye contact
I crumple to the ground
And I look around
At all the houses that I built & destroyed
At this toxic wasteland
That is my rabbit hole
My eyes are stained black from tears
I didn't know still ran
I whisper
'Go back to her & her porcelain god.'
'I don't know why I brought you here.'
'Go.'
And you stand there, startled,
Slowly you turn around and leave
My face is buried in my knees
I'm in my rabbit hole
No one else should see.

I* became insane, with long intervals of horrible *sanity.