I used think
Of suicide
All the time

How
When
Where

But really,
Suicide
Sounds like a lot
Of work

What I really wish
Is that death
Would just take me
And I wouldn't have to come
To it

That I would fall from great heights
But not on purpose

That a bear would eat me
Without prompting

That water would take me
Without my help

That I would just die
But not on purpose

Or even better
But truly impossible,

I wish I had never been born

That I had never disgraced
This world
With my presence

That I never
Met you
So you wouldn't have to pretend
To be my friend

That I never
Forced my
Ugly words
On people

I honestly wish I had never been born

So no,
I do not
Want to commit suicide

But yes,
I do want to die
Or have never been alive

First year of college
I took a side class
on a topic I've always liked.
It was with a lively, genuine, wise teacher;
it was the happiness of psych.

Before college, for many years
I suffered from anxiety.
I would try to be mindful,
understanding why,
but it always got the best of me.

This teacher, spoke many words
but there was one statement
that I deeply heard.

She said:
The only thing you can have full control over
is how you  react to things out of your control.

And in that moment
I had an epiphany.
I had control over
how  everything affected me.
And since that day,
how grateful I have been
to finally live my life
anxiety free.