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He looks at me
in that way that men are supposed to look at women
my eyes sparkle for him
they are stage lights, they dazzle him
blinding him
to the fact that he is not the one
I wish he was
I wish he wouldn't fall in love with me
my heart can't be healed by him
because it's no longer in my chest
it's been taken away
I hear him whisper the words
I pretend to fall asleep in his arms
no reply
then one day my pulse quickens just a little
my eyes sparkle without me telling them too
my laugh is real
he has not healed my heart
but I feel the emptiness less
maybe if I let him
he can make me real again
I. there is a sort of ephemeral longing
you can only find in the heartbreaks of grown-up girls
(old tracks, cleaned room, messy hair, simplicity)

thinking back on the glowing days of adolescence
when bad flicks brought you places

IV. back then, the anticipation of being older was
almost tangible enough to cut
in halves, fourths and one-tenths

now the mere thought turns you off;
lemon cakes taste as bitter as the sugar
poured in your third afternoon coffee

V-III. your love of chocolate was left at the beach
along with pink heart-shaped sunglasses

(i rented that semicentennial-old russian novel
to convince myself that dreams aren't real
and until the skin breaks, your past stays intact
at least that's what H.H. taught me)

VI. looking back, your childhood was not as bad
as you make it out to be, truth be told
fascinated by your infatuation with the
place where you always belonged;

II. today the world is cold, punctuated
by the sore troubles of reality
that friends, majors and late-night talks
both compose and mend

and heaven knows how much you have to say.

— The End —