I don't tell anyone
But I still miss you
Out of no where
I wish you were holding me
I miss you
More than my broken heart
Can ever fathom
I miss you
But you are gone
We are done
You have left me.

She finally found her anger
Buried deep beneath
A flawed love
She finally saw you
When another man
Showed her
Just how beautiful she was
And she wondered why
You could never
Make her feel as confident
As he makes her feel now
She wonders why you
Stayed for so long
When you were only loving
Her a little bit
He isn't even in love with her
And he looks at her
Like his whole world
Is displayed before him
He does not consume her body
But instead indulges
Takes every inch to cherish
To touch her everywhere
Even in places she hates
So she knows
Even the stretch marks
Are beautiful
Because she truly is
Inside and out
She is beautiful
And somewhere along the way
You stopped realizing that.

His lips were on mine
And my body wanted to fold
Wanted to give in
To everything

I wanted to hate it
But instantly
I found myself loving it

I hardly noticed the way
His beard brushed against my skin

I was so lost in the want

I almost forgot to be scared
Of something so wonderful.

She got lost
She thought she was loved
But really he was her master
Well now
She can slide on a skirt
Put in her fake plugs
Smack on a temporary tattoo
And go out and buy another dream catcher
And guess what?
No one will tell her she looks
"Easy"
"Like a poser"
"Like a ******"
No one will tell her believing in dreams catchers
Are silly and evil
She will slide on that **** skirt and smile
Because she is free
She will go out
And she'll tell a better man
That she finally feels free
That she can finally be
Herself.

I use to wish for you at Christmas


This year

I'll be wishing for something else

Maybe someone else

I'll be wishing to find a man

Who will truly love me

Who makes promises

And actually keeps them.

I am so alone

The trees are devouring me

I will be one with the wind

I do not wish to disturb

I only wished to love.

Oh my dear
You are infinitely better than me
That is why I cherish you

You're caring and sweet
And gentle

But of course you can be rough
When you want to be

You make bits of me melt that I did not know
Could even melt to begin with

You are sun
I am shadow

I am okay with this
I have been blessed to have you

To feel you
To know your touch

Your soul
Is infinitely more beautiful
Than any words can describe

My flaws
Led to such wonder.

Where ever you are, I need you right now. I need you to find me already. I'm sitting here in a puddle of my own tears, and I could use a hug and kiss. You would know just what to do. You would break out a science fiction movie or series and sit me down with some nuts and berries. You would let me lay on your shoulder and look up at you with amazement. I don't know where you are but I believe in you. I believe you exist, and that you belong here with me, I think I need you more than words can say. My heart has so much love to give and no one wants it, no one will love me baby, so where are you to change that. You'll sing the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack, and love my cats, you'll play board games, and video games, and make sure to let me win every once in a while because you don't want me to get mad at you. You will let me teach you card games, and you'll kiss me passionately, we will always make love, and we'll always solve fights together. You will always let me be the little spoon, and play with your beard or your Adam's apple. You'll always tell me you love me. I know you're out there, and I miss you right now. You will never comment on my lifestyle choices and if you must you will refer to me only as fluffy. On my bad days, you'll hold me and let me cry into you, and I'll let you do the same on your bad days. We will both be a little crazy. You will be willing to go to my favorite towns as mini vacations. You will believe in marriage, and want to be a father one day, just as I hope to be a mother one day. You will always understand why I like superman more than batman, and you will never make fun of my belief of bigfoot or aliens. You will smile at me and I will smile back. Baby, I know you're out there, and I will find you. I love you already.

You were her emotional abuser
Stringing along her hopes and dreams
To shatter them every so often
You made her feel ugly
You made her feel unworthy
She was addicted to you
Addicted to the pain you fed her
Until one day
She woke up and you broke her again
And inside she snapped
She had enough
She couldn't let you go on
Telling her you were her king
When you treated her like a measly two
She let go
In one heartbreaking swoop
She tore every bit of herself apart
Just to stop loving you
Hoping
Maybe there is a man out there
Willing to treat her like the queen she is.

She felt the tears slide down her cheek
She has lost so much
She has felt too much
She is not beautiful
She is crying because of you
Because somehow she let herself repeat her mistakes
Because each day she hopes
For so much more
Because she is greedy in wanting you
In wanting to love you
In loving you
She gathers these feelings
But sometimes
When you say something
Ridiculous or silly
She laughs
And whispers how she loves you
How did the sun ever shine
Before she met you
How did she ever smile
Because now they feel more genuine than ever
She hates herself for loving you
But she loves you
Maybe you know
Maybe you don't
But she can never say it to you
She can never risk losing you.

My past finally said goodbye
With a block to the face

Goodbye hopes and dreams of eleven year old me

My past finally will fade

I will no longer live in the shadow
Of what you wanted me to be.

Sometimes we're in a rush

In a rush to find love again
To be loved right this time around

Sometimes we're in such a rush
We fail to realize that rushing
Will only get us false love
False happiness

It is in our patience
When we are most rewarded

I am patient now
Awaiting fresh kisses
And sweet I love you's
As I drift to sleep.

I love you
I do not say this lightly

I do not mean
As a friend

I mean I'm in love with you
With every little bit

But I distance myself
Because loving you

Loving you the way I do
Is gonna leave me broken

Because while you love me
While you care

You are not in love with me
You do not care for my heart

I'm in love with you
Your eyes gleam

Your smile stings my soul
I need you in every way

I want you in every way
Do not underestimate this

I am in love with you

That is the truth.

My heart is tangled in you
I think I have fallen
I fought it so hard
But it just sinks in
And I hate it

You will never love me
You will never wake up beside me

I will never feel your lips on mine

I am a hallow shell

Waiting for someone to fill me

Fill me with love
I beg of you.

A stranger fell in love with me

He knew me two days before professing it

His commitment is unwavering

He has a sweet voice

I could love this stranger

I could want him

Do I love him back?

She covered herself
In white silk
It irritated her skin
But made her beautiful

Someone had to see
Everyone has to see
She danced in the wind
Silk flowing all around

She smiled and laughed
The people watched
Like she was a show
Little did they know
The silk that made her
So **** beautiful
Was slowly killing her.

If you wake up tomorrow
And I'm not there
Please know I loved you

If you wake up wanting me
Please know I could not stay

Falling in love with you was a blessing and curse
You are the sweetest thing I have ever known
And I am eternally thankful

But I could not stay
And face you
Knowing that you did not love me

If you wake up tomorrow
And I'm not there
Please know I miss you
And I hope you miss me

Please know
I loved you the moment we met.

I am my own disease

It spreads like wildfire

My veins burst

My skin bruises

My insides begin to die

I am my own disease

You are the cure

So far and out of reach

I will die

Before ever even getting close.

I am a lost puppy
Searching for a forever home
Only to find abusive owners

I am my own disease
It's always been that way
My happiness depends on others

To be loved
To love
Is the only way
I could ever really smile

I have this incessant need
To be someone's

To be held by a man
With a glimmer in his eyes

To feel beautiful

No matter how long I am alone
Whether a day or a year

The loneliness sinks in and eats at me

Without someone to be mine I sit and wallow
The racing thoughts increasing by day
The urge for a blade
The pain
The desire to give up
To give in

I lose hope when I am alone
Hope for a future

I don't know what to do anymore
I don't know how to fight this

I just wish I knew how to be happy
Without needing someone else

But that will never be me

Never.

Don't you dare think I forgot
Just because you did
November 23rd 2009
You asked me to be yours
November 25th 2009
We had out first kiss
November 30th 2009
We made out and then you left me
September 14th 2012
We met to kiss and when we did
You asked me to be yours
October 11th 2012
We made love for the first time
December 11th 2012
You proposed and I said yes

Somewhere between we fell apart
Even if we came back together
We were never quite whole again.

STOP


Don't touch me

Don't look at me

Don't speak to me

I might love you

I might love you

And you might shred me to pieces

STOP

I can't do this

I cannot love again

Without ever being loved back

STOP

Don't let me love you

Don't let me hope

Don't let me hope

That you could love me too.

Her brain screamed
Run you **** idiot
Her heart bellowed
But I need him

No, you want him, there's a difference
I love him so no there's not
Why must you always be in love?
Because I do, in hopes to be loved back
It's not him, it might not be anyone
****** brain, it's worth a try
But it's not worth more heartbreak

Maybe it is.

I won't write a book about us

We were a whirlwind disaster

But I loved every heart wrenching moment

I won't write you a book

Because we failed

I'll write some fiction

About us working

About us loving forever

Just like we promised

I'll write some fiction

And it will be beautiful.

There comes a point
When you have to pick up
Your heavy disheveled body
And say enough is enough

When you have to walk away
Because staying is too hard
Because breaking yourself
Is slightly easier than being broken

There comes a point
When hope stabs you
And when it fails you

When you realize this
Know that you are strong

Know that you'll be okay
Know that your body won't always be
So **** heavy.