The water is unclear
As I sink at the bottom.
It feels like I'm never getting out of here
It feels like I've already hit rock bottom.

They assume that I am doing alright.
Maybe it's a curse to look okay.
When everything doesn't feel right.
Nothing seems to go my way.

Why do I have to be strong?
I carry the world on my shoulders.
It feels like moving forward is wrong.
How can I discard these heavy boulders?

Do they even see the scars on my back.
The white feathers of the wings I once carried,
are now tattered and wacked.
Breathing feels like torture, will death and I ever get married?

Let me sink down deeper in this murky water.
Oxygen laces with poison as I inhale sharper.
Did I bleed and ripped for nothing?
Should I just turn back and leave everything?


- N.V. 🥀

Are you even real?
Or just a product of my dreams?
Losing you is something I fear.
Maybe I should come with you my dear.

Burning down my throat,
these pills they made me swallow.
As I lay in bed to wallow.
I don't want to wake up dear.
Losing you is something I fear.

Please they want me to stay awake.
In my dreams your presence follows me in my wake.
Hold me tight, I don't wanna ever leave.
If you're not here I don't wanna ever live.

Tears sting the corner of my eyes.
As they force water in my mouth.
I count the minutes before I'm finally out.
Now you're no longer here when I close my eyes.

Are you even real?
Or just a product of my dreams?
Losing you is something I fear.
I should have come with you my dear.

- N.V. 🥀

Your voice, a lullaby
to my restless nights—
an embrace from
someone I’ve never known.

It lays down with me
here in my tomb,
awaiting ascension.
It knocks at the sepulchre
of my subconscious.

I yearn to know you.
Your rituals are devotions.
I long to learn from the gods.
Divinity has graced this sepulchre,
tapping the hard walls of this tomb.

Is this the voice of salvation,
or an echo of loss?
Am I ascending to heaven,
or are you descending with me to hell?

Your voice digs deep into my core,
down to my stone-cold being.
My flesh has rotted—
bled down to the marrow—
yet the feathers of your wings
have graced my lost soul.

In this sepulchre,
you knocked at my tomb.
You offered no redemption—
yet your presence is a confession.

A siren with feathers,
your presence lingers,
even without knowing you.

Your soul echoes within me.
Your songs, are sacred runes—
they cry and bleed,
like the river that flows through me.

Something ancient awakes,
knocking on these sepulchre walls.
It transcends heaven, hell, and earth—
an otherworldly communion,
carved out beyond mortal flesh.

Your voice lies beside me in this tomb.
A lingering presence,
keeping me grounded
as I await ascension.


- N.V. 🥀

She’s been caught —
crying through every night,
her heart still weeping
though no tears in sight.

With red weeping eyes,
she stares in the mirror.
Her hands are trembling,
cold as winter.

What keeps her up in the dark?
What sets this silent flood in spark?
She wonders about things that might have been,
and all the aching what ifs within.

She wishes to hold herself tight,
to feel — even briefly — that things are right,
whispers to gods to grant her sleep,
just one quiet night without the weep.

Kneeling down, her body sags,
beneath the weight of unseen bags.
The floor and walls a cold alabaster,
she folds in half before Our Father.

Will the heavens hear her plea?
Or let her sink into the deep sea?
Will the ground bury her under,
or the waves drag her down in thunder?

She looks again — red eyes stare back,
mirrored in the glass, cracked.
Red as the blood she saw just prior,
as she dragged the thin metal deeper.


- N.V. 🥀

There’s a voice in my head
haunting me—
pulling at the seams of my reservation.

In this forest, it calls—
soft and distant,
waiting for me to walk deeper into the hush.
In this white dress, the grass blades cut my ankles,
vines wrap around the autumn trees,
luring me farther in.

It calls whenever it wants,
wherever it wants—
patiently waiting to hold me in its grasp.

I stand beneath a towering tree,
feet bleeding into the earth,
the sky swallowed in rust and gold.

Looking far and wide,
only the vastness of forest meets my eyes.
Even as I run,
there’s only a sea of fallen leaves.

I feel the wind against my skin.
The back of my neck tingles
from a touch I cannot see.
It doesn’t hold me physically—
but I feel its grasp,
spirit-deep.

Whatever it is,
it wants to be found by me.

So I keep running—
not to escape,
but to chase the feeling of fleeing.
Letting the wind lift my hair from my face
as the sun’s light begins to fade.

Still, the forest keeps calling.
Whatever I have left—
let it be swept away by the autumn wind.


- N.V. 🥀

Black tar runs inside my veins,
seeming to consume the red blood in me.
I scream in agony as it continues to eat me alive.
Looking in the mirror, I see my face—
but I can’t feel my hands.

Obsessing, again and again, just to attain normality.
Tearing skin from flesh and bones,
desperately seeking me in all this insanity.
I hear my voice—but it’s clouded
by a much louder one.

My body is no longer mine.
My mind, a pool of tangled vines,
slithering, weaving into the nooks and crannies
of my being—
waiting to devour my whole existence.

Desperately searching for the right words,
I tear and tear myself,
skin down to the muscles clinging to bones.
****** nails. Crucified dreams.
A perception of perfection—unattainable.

A siren’s call in the distance,
luring me into the murky waters of the unknown.
The danger of unlocking the doors
that holds back my desires and ambition—
yet I brace the door
with the strength of a bull, the pride of a lion.

Clawing at the core of my being,
all my blood, skin, flesh, and bones—
gone with the wind.
Only consciousness remains.
Yet I still can’t understand this unknown world.
I couldn’t even save my mind.
These thoughts have now consumed
my whole being.


- N.V. 🥀