1 I attended with my new suit
1 I barely made it to and back
1 I watched from a screen
1 I missed the train
1 I've been preparing for

2018-2023, 5 years.

I'm 25 years old
My dads getting old too
My mom I had to convince to come
Eyes of familiar faces to watch me stand or stumble
I just want you all to know, no matter what, I love you

A son, step-son, brother, half-brother, nephew, grandson, grand nephew, boyfriend, partner in this same suit
You made me who I am

Farmor, especially you.

When I looked at the night sky, I felt a deep sense of loss.

The stars, were too far away.

I packed jars into the fridge, so that they preserve all I have left when I come back.

It was a plague, a silence, that followed and sputtered life and people were scared.

But I got to see you. Goodbye.

And when I got back, I starved with little I had.

I cannot die ~ even if you carry me out of here

I cannot die ~ if you separate me from myself

I cannot die ~ if no one remembers me

I cannot die ~ if I refuse to believe it

What is this feeling at night?
A long drawn out cry
Hurting me
Be free, be free
Be free, be freedom
A heavy heart hurdles a beat

I can't breath - I can't breathe - I can't breathe
Help me, help me

Mom, Dad
I miss you
I even miss parts of you I never had
I miss being your son
I am the son you never had, I am a mask

It was at this point
He stopped caring about A to B
He dared to breathe
He dared to be
He cared for peace
He cared for sleep

He stared at his heart and mind until
in his bed he was blessed to be blind

i'm a light machine gun.....
locked up and loaded in rounds......
firing all kinetic energy and reason..........
across the trenches and the fields i've sent..........
pistols, shotguns, autos to their knees.........
but as i unlock and reload and cool down..........
and the panicked silence settles in.........
i have to ask in kind......

s n i p e r..

do i have your eye?

Before books, nothing was real.
Before radio, nothing was real.
Before TV, nothing was real.
Before the net, nothing was real.

Before AI, "the world became more tangible, measurable, and deeply personal through technology’s evolution" (Deepseek)

Before you, everything is possible

¿Cómo puedo amar algo que no es mío?
¿El frío no hace temblar los huesos?
¿Si amor es lo que pides?
¿No pueden los árboles respirar?
¿El amor a primera vista termina?
¿Dios no ama al mundo?
¿Qué no eres para mí?
¿El sol no sale después de las cinco?
¿No te gusta oír mi voz antes de dormir?
¿Hay una entrada al cielo, no?
¿Tú sientes mi alma sobre ti?
¿Las rosas no tienen espinas?
¿Es mejor ver el amor venir?
¿El amor, no ve mucho más de la distancia?

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

I hide my behavior
to keep you safe.

I keep quiet
not to offend you.

I agree with you
to keep you happy.

I walk on eggshells
for you and
it’s never enough.

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

but when the truth
arrives at that
final moment;

jaws will drop
plates will shatter
dogs will growl

and
you’ll be long gone
after seeing what
a ghastly beast
I am

but for now

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

to keep us
together.