You don't even know who I am
Or if you do, you don't want to
You don't care
Why do I care?
I don't know
I don't want to
I shouldn't care
I should toss all this care aside
In the garbage
Like I did
All those years ago
Just, one moment
Of
Feeling nothingness
I know how to do that
But I don't want to
Not this time
I wish
That you wouldn't haunt me
Or maybe I'm just haunting myself
Next time
I might just tell you
My name.

Got my hands tied
Ropes made of pride
Can't say how many times I've tried
No longer counting the lies
Every day, a little more dies
Of the girl who was inside
All my daydreams
That, used to seem
Like they were almost real
Like, I could almost feel
Another life begin
My losses into wins
But, everything I used to think was as it was-

Was just little man-made fairy dust.

And, I can't trust.....

What most people do.
Because, most people don't have a clue
About what's real.

Time
A mysterious thing
It eludes everyone
Intangible
We chase and chase time
Only to get further
And further away

I want to write a poem
But I’m not a poet anymore
I can’t breathe words and turn them into dioramas that people look at and admire
I can barely read without getting tired of seeing words
What is going on
I could only live in words before
But now I want to live in life
Now I want to breathe crisp air
And I’m greedy for the trees
I want to go and splash in puddles
Which I’ve done before
But in a different way
Not because it’s something nice to do
But because I want to enjoy the water before it goes back up
It’ll come down again
And my moods will fall too
But I’m here and I’m looking
For anything
Anywhere
Inside my own story
That I don’t have to rely on my own pen
To find.

But, even if my hands bleed
Let that red be the cost of my freedom