I'm not feeling very poetic
I look at my work, and I loathe it
It's missing something
It always is

I'm sorry you fell in love with fiction

I wonder how many lives you touched, before mine

How many heartbreaks you caused and how many you tried your best to mend

How many times you closed your eyes and wondered what the future would bring

Not knowing it would include me

Wide awake, though I was sure I was going to slip into the dark of unconsciousness the moment I reached the mattress

Lying there, I listened to the sound of other people dreaming

My own mind wandering around today, tomorrow, and the unknown

I felt strangely calm, as if knowing somehow that everything I ever worried about, whether it happened or not, was purely irrelevant

Because, whatever tomorrow or the next day may bring, I know I will walk through whatever awaits me

I know I will face joy and pain and that we will laugh and cry and argue, just as we always have

My life is changing, but I will not desperately attempt to keep what is not mine

Some things and some people we are only borrowing for a while

I feel, in my heart, that this is not the end of my reality, just a reality

And I'm perfectly alright with that

You were there for me in the only way you knew how

Don't worry, it's my turn now

Forever didn't last that long

You said that loved me

But do you love me?

How can you love me when you don't even know me

You only knew me for such a short time

You only knew my pretty side

You didn't know that I can get so difficult

You didn't know that sometimes I get so afraid

You didn't know that I like dancing around by myself

You didn't know that I'm scared of heights

There's so much you didn't know about me

And yet you went and said that word

But, you could only love me if you had met my dark

And I was too afraid to show you anything but light

I was too afraid you'd run away after seeing how bad I get sometimes

I was too afraid you would run away after hearing the things I sometimes say

I was too afraid, too afraid...

You love the mask that I wore, that's what you love

But that's not really me

You're in love with what I pretend to be

Not how I really am

Not the horribly imperfect person that I am

Just the perfect girl I wish I was

It's just the same as it's always been

We both roll our eyes and laugh and sigh

Each stuck in our own thoughts

In our own lives, which just happened to intersect

Was it by chance? Oh but you know I don't believe in that

Your laugh could only be brought to my ears by fate

I wonder if we'll still talk like this years from now

Silently, I think about my life before you and how I never knew what I was missing until I found it

Please don't let this fade away with all the things that have

You're the only one who truly understands the days my heart cries and the days I can't help but burst into song

Precious person, you don't know how dear you are to me

This is what true friendship means, through the good and bad

Whether happy or sad

Even if we get mad sometimes, I will never say goodbye to the one who's been there for me through the worst of myself

How did I ever live without you? No wonder I have been miserable

So much was missing from my life

I write about you to remember

I write about you to forget

Of course I am angry

I tried my best not to love you

I tried my best to focus on your many flaws

I tried my best not to continuously see past them

I tried my best not to allow the carefully placed ice around my heart to melt

I knew better, I knew better a million times

Than to fall for someone who was always at war with himself

And yet I did

Yet I stupidly, stupidly did

Whatever pain I've felt, I accepted the very moment that I became used to wondering and worrying about you

The very moment I felt my mouth curve up instead of down at your irksome comments

When I began to detest your absence instead of presence

I could not focus on your flaws

I could not stop looking past them

And when I saw that my layers of icy indifference were turning into a puddle

I stood over it, horrified.

But my reflection only smiled back at me.

There is thunder in my heart

I'm sitting here eating peanut butter straight out of the jar

Thinking about how we talked the other night

How I couldn't stop laughing and how you teased me for being short

How I got offended and called you a giraffe hybrid but couldn't stop laughing

How you said I sounded like a 9 year old and I couldn't even pretend to be angry

How I thought the fact that you wrote about vultures was hilarious and how we both stayed up talking far longer than we were planning to

How when I insisted I wasn't interested for 2 hours, you insisted back for that long

How I fell asleep smiling and thinking that maybe my life was getting better after all

How I was embarrassed the next morning and pretended like it had just been a crazy shared dream, like the kind in Inception

And how you told me it was only going awkward if I let it be so

What if life is just one perpetual heartbreak?

I know it doesn't mean I'm crazy

Although, at times I have called myself insane

I know it just means that I feel things more deeply than most people

My emotions are magnified and I'd like to stop running away

You don't really want to be with someone like me, though

And it's true

My heart has been broken too many times

By too many things and too many people

I would try my best to be there for you, but sometimes, I wouldn't be

Sometimes, I'm not even there for myself

There are days when I am filled with dark grey clouds

And others when all I speak is rainbows

You would probably suffer on both kinds of days

Knowing, on the somber ones, that my own thoughts were suffocating me

And then, on the good ones

Knowing that the weather might soon change

I suppose it was inevitable.

The fact that we would meet.

The fact that I would expect warm sunshine where there was a storm brewing.

The fact that I tried my best to convince myself that I wasn't going to fall when I already had.

The fact that I ignored the alarms ringing through my mind and pretended that they were just music.

Surrounding yourself with other people



Feigning interest day after day




Just to forget about that ONE

And I am begging you, whatever you do

DON'T. LOOK.





You looked, didn't you?

"The fumes alone could **** you," is what he told me in response to my joke gone wrong.


"Oh really?" I said. "That explains a lot."

Maybe that's why it smelled so pretty.

Once upon a time

There was a very young girl with ridiculously long hair, she believed it was her best physical trait.

She spent all her time in a room where she could hear the whole world going about their business and living their lives.

Often, she wondered, what it would be like to not be confined to this small space.

She used to daydream as she looked out the window, it was overlooking a garden with many flowers in it.

Daydreaming about what it would be like to be normal. About what it would be like to be able to get close to the plants.

But one day, she decided, it was too painful to daydream about these things. Too tormentous to be able to see and hear all the beauty she was so tantalizing close to, and yet never be able to take part in it.

So she closed the curtains, and the sun no longer shone through the window. No more did she sit there wishing that humanity and herself weren't separated by brick and glass.

Instead, she began to get used to the shadows. Telling herself that it was, after all, for the best. No longer allowing herself to even dream that she would ever be more than she was.

Just a girl that was forgotten.

But she grew older.

Older, and... She began to understand, that she was only as trapped as she allowed herself to be.

The sunshine had been looking for her,  and finally, she opened the curtains again.

Once again, she dared to dream...

But she wandered into a nightmare, and everything that she had never learned she was suddenly forced to.

All that naivette turned into pain, and she began to wonder why it had ever seemed so bad, to be locked away from everything.

Everything happens for a reason
But sometimes the reason is:

You needed to learn something new

Or

You needed to be reminded of something

And the only way was by getting ripped up into tiny little pieces and wondering if, perhaps, the local crafts store has enough super glue to be able to hold all of your shattered hopes and dreams in place.

Oh, but I'm not even a daisy.

I'm just a blade of grass.

Well, okay then, yes, that's just fine, just like it was always fine, just like it's always been fine, just like it always will be.

I hesitate for a moment
This is how my mother must have felt
When she was a girl and there were wars
Going on and she would sit in the darkness
Only being able to hear the sound of death
Yes, I think I can survive this
Like she survived that

So, here's the thing about lies
You tell and tell and tell them
And at first you flinch
At first, you don't want to
Lying pains your heart
But then you get used to it
You get used to the sound of
Half truths and warped words
And then, eventually
You can't tell the difference
Between what's real and what's not
And I wonder, if maybe
Reality is an illusion

It's nothing
Absolutely
Nothing
Like the sound of the rain falling
Like the shriek of a train passing by
Like the wind brushing against your cheek
Like the silent footsteps of a cautious child
Like the last moment I looked away

My mother warned me to stay away from the big bad wolf, years ago.

I thought it was very strange but promptly forgot about it.

Until the other night when you told me that you were very wolf-like.

But the big bad wolf didn't come to my door saying he wanted to devour my heart.

He knocked first.

It was killing me
To know
That I meant so little to you
But now
It's killing me
To know
That you know that I cared

How painful it is
Loving someone
Who only sees you as
Just another girl
That he gets to say
Fell for him
Just another heart
That he claimed
Is......
Beyond my poetic ability
To express.

It will never be me that he chooses
It will never be me that he wants
That's why I left
Because I couldn't take it anymore
Knowing he had so much of my heart
And I had so little of his....

Autumn-when we met
Winter-when I ran from you
Spring-when you'll forget