Dear Norah,

I mark this paper with words of remorse towards my former self
I write this with pain in my heart, and regret for my past actions
I apologize for the discomfort in my own body
But more importantly.. I apologize for the aching of my soul
I'm sorry for still not becoming the person you had thought I would become by this age
I'm sorry for still suffering mentally..while trying to search for my identity
I'm sorry for not understanding myself to the full extent yet.
There are a lot of things that I'm disheartened about..
But at the same time..
I'm a better person today than I was a few years ago
I'm a more reliant and independent individual
I'm myself, and I am proud of me.
So past Norah, I'm sorry for not being mentally stable enough to handle myself
But I have grown.
And as my parents always told me..
With patience comes progress
With time, I'll thrive.

My time is near
I can smell the growing pain of my death
My ashes are fixated into the air
Who would've thought this would be reality?
No matter where I go.. it feels like I'm stuck in some realm
Of anger and brutality
The unseen normality
I look further and realize
Life is not a game of strike and spare
But somehow it seems as if
When God comes and pulls souls out of bodies
So swiftly and suddenly
One by one..
I know I'm going to hit the strike and humanity will hit the spare.

the spirals against my skin

words caught inside my throat

ability to remove pain altogether

guilt overbearing the heart endlessly

signs turned into wasted cries

the heart snatched from humanity

time is escaping us all

life is endangering my ability

just as I had thought

six feet into my heart

tempered into motions of sadness

I've given too much time

Snake bites on my skin

you gripped me with discomfort

It seems like..
Every morning when I awaken, you're right there.. running through my head.
Any time I'm working on something, I begin to wander, how would it be if you were here beside me?
I don't know why I can't stop thinking about you all the time
It's like those dark memories from my past were snatched and replaced with joyous thoughts
The brutal scenes that would constantly repeat over and over, have been replaced with snippets of the times we've spent together
I am far away from solitude, and for once it feels nice.
My mind feels as if it is at peace.

No matter how far, nor how long it takes for us to see each other
I can promise you one thing - my love is yours.
I am here waiting for us to reunite and begin life as normal.
I'm drawn to you in many different ways.
&This is why God brought us together
This is not a coincidence.. it's a sign.
Not only are you my best friend
But you are my partner
My mentor
My anchor
My blessing.
For once..
Reality is finally better than my dreams..

There's a stream that is flowing through my heart
With your blood running through instead of mine
And I don't mean this in a dependent way
I mean this in a way.. where.. you made life a whole lot better for me.

There's a stream that is flowing through my brain
With thoughts of you constantly running through
And I don't mean this in an odd manner
I mean.. where you're always on my mind, because you're mine.

There's a stream that is flowing through my soul
With your actions attached and running through
The way that you treat me is engraved into my body
Engraved to my soul.

From now on, whether we're together in the future or not,
I know how a man should treat me, and you've shown me that
You are an actual work of art
And I'm auctioning a part myself to you

I hope that you are mine for the rest of our lives
I was complete before I met you,
But you have filled my life with color
And to go on without you, would just be black and white
With shades of grey.

It's because we're so alike, like twin souls
Together in the past life, reunited in this one
You will carry my heart one day, and I trust you
Anytime I'm with you, I'm home.

There is a beauty in every curse
And a curse in each beauty
No matter how kindhearted, loved, honorable you may be
There will always be someone who harms you
Takes advantage of you.. destroys you
And that's just the beauty
Building your character and personality
So where's the curse?
Well let me tell you..
Your actions. Your words.
The curse is how you respond.

They don't give, but they want, they take
The cycle restarts
They don't listen, but they hear, they tell
The cycle repeats
Continuously asking yourself
"Where did I go wrong"

Regrets filling up your mind
You're looking for the bright little light to shine
In the shadow of the darkness
In the depth of the sea
Continuously asking yourself
"What the hell is wrong with me"

You'd ride or die for anybody that comes your way
Deep down, thinking that's a mistake
Not realizing it's merely an act of positivity
That quickly turns into a bad habit
A negative neglection
An addictive obsession
Continuously asking yourself
"When will I learn my lesson"

Going day by day,
Dragging yourself at the slowest pace
Your depression taking over your mind
Your questions taking over your conscience
Your actions taking over your heart
It's all yours
You control it all but you don't understand
And you continuously ask yourself
"When will I realize?"

- 01/06/19

Sometimes I just wonder why I'm giving you my heart
I wonder how in the hell did this all even start
I wonder how we're together
Yet we're so far apart.
Sometimes I just wonder.
I'm attached to your soul
I'm intrigued by your mindset
I'm in love with your personality
& I'm safe in your arms.
Your presence makes me feel complete, and you are my best friend.
Though I was fine before I met you
I'm even better now that I have you
And I'm ready to see us grow as time passes us.

He didn't do anything wrong
So why am I so upset at his actions?
Why do I constantly let myself get hurt at things that don't even matter?

He didn't say anything wrong
So why am I not wanting to communicate with him?
Why am I constantly running from my problems instead of facing them like a woman?

It's the way he becomes nonchalant at times
It hurts that sometimes I don't even know if he would really care if he lost me
Maybe it's because I give too much, that he knows I wouldn't really leave
Maybe it's because I've shown him my vulnerability and he knows he has that advantage onto me

It hurts that sometimes I have to beg for a simple conversation
Or I always have to be the one to start it
We started this thing between us based on *******, but it's not being continued as such
So why is that the only conversation I can easily get out of him?

Sometimes I'm afraid because it hurts me, but I know that's not his intentions
And I'm more afraid if I tell him how I truly feel.. then he's going to get tired of me at one point
Annoyed by my actions and constant throbbing emotions
Distanced because of the way I cling onto him so deeply
I just hate how I feel at times, the worst part is..
That I'm the one pushing my emotions off the cliff
And making things ten times harder than they need to be.

I cannot even put into words how happy I have been
It's like the dream I've had since I was a child.. I achieved it
I made it, what I wanted to be
An artist
An author
A poet
Many talented traits all in one
And from here on, it only goes up
I will continue to thrive and surround myself in positive environments
Push away those that hurt my heart and made me suffer
I am proud of myself and my accomplishments
But listen here,
I'm not done yet
This is just the beginning.

As the days go on.. some females disappoint me
Giving away your body to get revenge at a man
Actually let me emphasize..
A man who does not care
Not about you nor your life
Who has seen you as an object and treated you as such
But you get so worked up by his actions
Sometimes it seems like females don't see their worth
That their self-esteem revolves around a man
You do everything (and I mean everything)
But leave and put yourself in a positive and uplifting setting.
You're over here drenching tears, destroying valuables, keying cars, taking it out on your children. But for what.. and at what cost?
Now look at you.. lost your child and you ended up in a place
You could've avoided if you had took the initiative
Before it was too late.
For the love of God.. Help Yourself.

The metaphor of my fears cleansing through my body
The sound of oceans over the shore
Crackling among my ears
As if the waves are right beside me
Sunsets over the movements
And that is the moment
Where you realize
Peace and hope exists

- 03/13/19

The more I get to know you
Understanding your tendencies..your capabilities..
I feel a bigger heart full of love for you
Each step you take
Jogging your way into my heart
Running through my mind constantly
I feel like my soul has awaken
I feel like I have found myself
I feel like I have been brought to the fate of my happiness
Sometimes I feel like you're too good to be true
Other times I feel like I'm worth it.. like I deserve it
But either way
You are the biggest blessing that I've had in a while
So please don't disappoint me
And..
Please don't leave me
You're everything I've been asking God for.

- 01/18/2020

I want you to express your feelings to me.
I'm over here constantly telling you how I feel
I base my relationships off of emotions which might not be your way, but it is a huge part of mine
I need to hear how you truly feel sometimes without me completely asking for it
Or trying to play guessing games with myself
I hear all about our ****** desires and fantasies
I hear all about our intimate touches and loving gestures but..
I want to know how you truly feel about me, and about our upcoming relationship.
That's something that is very important to me.

Every day you have this beautiful smile shining upon your face
Though you may be stressed or upset, you still remain smiling

Money is your motivation, but more than that it is your passion
You hear that special calling, and because of that you always stay true

Your music is your dedication, and your devotion is to your fans
To you, music is unique and special, a beautiful gem.

Some days it gets frustrating and demanding
But when you are set forth toward your goal, nobody can stop you.. and I love that about you.

Each day you remind yourself why you work so hard
Making differences in lives through a major platform, you have so much potential

There's a special pride in artists, and a love for what you do
I am appreciative of you, and I want you in my life for the rest of time. I am proud of you.

You begin the morning with determination
Push yourself through the day
Accomplish all that is needed
Just so you can end the night with satisfaction.
I know it can get draining..
But I am proud of you.

I dreaded this day for the longest.
Subconsciously the fear of having to live through the tenth of march haunted me for months
It began effecting my grades, my goals, my motivation
Everyday I reminisce on the past
On those I love and care for
How I've taken many things for granted,
And just as quickly as they came..
Those blessings vanished.

The most beautiful people I know are those that are humble, kind, understanding, loving..
Those that know how to balance before putting others before themselves..
That show appreciation to those around them, show loving concerns to those they care for..

Now read that again.. and think of who that pertains to in your life
For me, it's you.

You are one of the most beautiful people I know, and you are special to me.

Your beauty amazes my mind.. your soul astounds my body
Everything about you.. is what I have been praying for this entire time
Where have you been my whole life?
I've been drowning in toxic relationships
Following the wrong paths
Searching above and below for someone to love me the way that you do
Without any complications or owed dues..
Listen, I don't know where you came from
Anyone who has loved you before me, I want to thank them
For helping shape you into the person you are today
But from here on out, you're mine to love.
I don't mean just for a few months.. I mean for as long as life keeps us together
I am going to bring plenty of joy into your world
Support you following your dreams, and hold you accountable
This right here.. will be a healthy relationship.
A rose being caressed by a feather.

Sometimes I get nervous around you
I don't know why - maybe it's because I'm still getting used to you
The thought of things unfolding just as fast as we got together still scares me
I'm still learning to get comfortable to you, and us.
And I'm not saying it's going to take too long, but it will take some time
So don't doubt me when I say that there are things that I want to do
Or things I want to try with you
The moment I get completely and fully comfortable with the concept of us and being together with someone again
You'll see, and you'll understand that the way I act now,
It's because I'm still getting to know you, and getting to understand you
It will take me some time
Just be patient.

Look deeper into his mind
And you'll see that he's in pain
You wonder what you've done
Why he's always distant and reserved
Baby he only treats you as such because he's afraid
He has his guard up and can you blame him?
With the women these days and the way they act
Can you blame him for being aweary and restrained?

Look deeper into her mind
And you'll see that she's in pain
You wonder what you've done
Why she's always agitated and unapproachable
Baby she only treats you as such because she's afraid
She has been through a vast amount of suffrage
With the men these days and the way they act
Can you blame her for being tense and drained?

I'd rather just stay single.

I know if I ever was stripped away from everything that I had in my life.. you would still be here for me.
You would help me in many ways and the thought of me having that engraved in my brain.. makes me feel so loved.
There are many people who claim they're here for you
There are many people who claim they're a shoulder
An arm, a leg.. when you might be in need
But when the time really comes
You sit there begging for help and nobody is around.
It's hard living life feeling as if there's no person by your side, and I've been feeling this way for most of my life.
But now I have you -
No matter what I want you to know that I am here for you
I would do just about anything for you, to any extent
I'm not just talking about subtle gifts and words -
I'm here for you the same way you're here for me
Because I care about you
You're mine. Always and forever.

An ocean breeze
Swishing over the sunset
The sea welcomes me

My heart aches
Why did you have to come near me?
Showed me affection
Gave me hope
Then turned around and jabbed me
Left me to bleed
I am in so much pain
But you wouldn't care
Because she's right over there
Waiting for you
But before you go on
I want to warn her
Tell her everything you did to me
And I want to tell you
I still love you

- 12/03/19

Sometimes you act like you know me better than me and you don't.
Many times you push things onto me as if you know me clearly and you don't.
No matter how much you think you know me, about me, and my personality.. you don't.
I'm not clear with you, I'm not transparent with you completely yet and sometimes I don't even want to be.
There's one thing that irks me, and that's anyone thinking that they understand me completely when they're not even close.
I'm not going to tell you how to act, or how to be, that's not my place.
But quit thinking I'm lying all the time and quit believing that everything I tell you isn't true.
It hurts when I feel like I have to prove something to everyone.
But it's ten times worse when I feel that with you.

I'm in love with the way you talk about your passion
How you are so invested in your music
Spending countless hours working on different songs
Adjusting them to perfection
I'm in love with the way you never doubt yourself
How you continuously say that you WILL be the best
I believe in you all the way
Supporting you alongside
I'm in love with you TJ
I'm in love with everything about you
How you constantly joke with things that should be taken serious
How you always put a smile to my face no matter what mood I'm in
I'm in love with you and I can't say it enough.

Time after time you make me feel like a prized possession.
Not just any little treasure, you make me feel like I'm your gem.
You understand me thoroughly
You listen to everything I have to say
You help me calm myself
You show me that you care.
I'm someone who needs constant reassurance
I search for approval from those around me which is honestly my greatest downfall
But yet you've shown me that these two things, I don't need.
Without constantly wording every reassuring statement out..
You show me with your actions.. without me even asking for it.
But more importantly than anything,
You understand me.. that's something my own family can't do
That's when I knew you were special.

My mind is soaring like an airplane through the wanders of my thoughts like the clouds are in my arms.

My body is running through the marathon of the sea where I collect myself and try to fix everything that is wrong with me.

My soul is collectively draining tears and pulling bonds out of my skin and I am deeply in pain.

My heart is the centerpiece of my whole body, and I feel like I am at the end, like I'm crying for assistance through my emotions but my words are an example of unprovoked happiness.

I like to call the mind, body, soul, and heart, the four petals of the rose of growth.

Take care of yourself.

Talking directly to my own body.

I am coming to you as my new self, with peace.
With love towards you now, that I had never felt in the past.
There are days that I would feel upset, and I apologize for placing my negative thoughts onto you.
I apologize for the time I had spent, carving harsh words deeper into my epidermis until I felt the pain inside of my blood.
I apologize for the amount of times that I had tried to take my own life, and the affliction it must have caused you as well as everyone around me.
I apologize for the times that I would starve myself, just because I was not comfortable with the way I looked.
I apologize for the times that I would look in the mirror with disgust, with hate not only towards you..  but also my own self.
I apologize for treating you as if you weren't mine, as if I could get rid of you.
I apologize for letting men take you, and not pushing hard enough to get away while they were getting their pleasure, without my consent.
I apologize for not seeing the beauty in you, that I see now.
You are beautiful, and you are a part of me.

I'm tired of the pain that subjects over my bones and through my blood.
I'm tired of fighting this battle of emotions with myself every single day.
I'm tired of hiding my true emotions, under this sheet of guilt.. just for the satisfaction of others.
I'm tired of constantly having to uplift those around me but when it is me that needs help, there is no one around.
I'm tired of making my own path, and having to figure out this cruel world on my own.
I'm tired of begging for help each and everyday through my words, yet nobody surrounds me.
I'm tired of the pressure being put on myself to save my family.
I'm tired of my emotions being pushed aside by everyone else, exactly how I push them myself.
I'm tired of nobody understanding me, not knowing how to comfort me, but expecting me to adjust to everyone else's needs.
I'm tired of people labeling me.
I'm tired of people doubting me.
I'm tired of people not letting me.. be me.
When will life give me a break..
It seems like the negativity will only seize when I am dead.

Take my hand
Hold it tight
and let's travel with each other
Beginning with talking about insecurities
Leading on to ****** fantasies
Past the pain that's been brought upon us
Ending with exploring each others souls
Learning each others minds.
I'm ready to go with you to grow with you
You are my feather, my beauty, my soft place in this painful world
You are my withered peace, and though there may be annoying times
Disagreements and harsh discussions..
I'm ready to go through it all with you.
I'm ready for you.
And I mean all of you

You make my heart warm, my mind clear, my touch soft, and my soul cleansed.
You make my eyes crinkle, my forehead wrinkle, my feet slip, and my body ready.
You make my beauty seem astounding, you make me feel proud, you make me feel safe.
You help me in my time of need, you make my thoughts calm, you give me hope.
You make time for me, you care for me, you're falling for me.. but most importantly, you prove it to me.
Each conversation we have, each text that is sent, each picture that is shown.. you make me feel beautiful.
You make me feel loved, you make me feel like I'm worth a lot.
Yeah I don't need you, but I do definitely want you.
And I want anything and everything that comes with you.
Triple locked in, BULLETPROOF windows, and an open door.. because you are not my prisoner.
I want all of you, especially as mine completely
And you will be.

The moment I come back to you, I will be overwhelmed with happiness
The minute I get to feel your touch, I will not let go of you
You will be getting all of me, as you already know by now
Well.. you already have all of me..
But when we see each other again
You will be triple locked in to this house of ours
No windows, no doors.. you're trapped
You're stuck with me
No matter how much I annoy you
No matter what issues we will go through within our relationship
We will solve it together and in private
Because you are for me, and I am for you.
You are not for your friend, and I am not for mine.
So with that being said,
I'm ready to face the joyous moments as well as the difficult times with you
I'm ready to be with you, and love you for as long as life lets us
You have taught me how I should have been treated since the beginning
The respect you have for me is noticed, and I am more than grateful to have you
I'm happy.

You have been my biggest supporter and I know you will continue to be
I want to show you how much you mean to me
You are a special human being that has entered my life
And I've noticed since just about the first day
Your arms bring me comfort
Your words bring me reassurance
Your actions bring me joy
Life is so good right now,
Now close your eyes and imagine
Imagine how it is going to be in 6 months
When we'll be together however much we would like
I love being yours
Now imagine when it'll become official
I'm going to keep you happy love
I am going to support you
I'm going to have the same effect on you, as you have on me.

Most times it is so difficult to try and understand myself
I feel like my mind is so complicated and my thoughts are complex
You enter my brain and you're stuck in this realm that is too difficult to escape
Time after time I continuously stop myself from thinking too much
Quit making up scenarios in my head
Quit revising old memories
Keep my past life from re-entering my mind negatively

I'm tired of being in this battle with myself daily
It's like time after time I burden my own self
How is that even possible?
Though you may already know..
The reason I am telling you this
Is because if you want to be with me
And if you want me..
Then you will also be stuck with this part of me.
Though I push myself further mentally everyday..
I still have this flaw of me overthinking the tiniest details
And bringing them up or keeping them quiet.
I am working on it, I promise you.
Just be patient.

The beauty within blossoms are so majestic
The position lifted when dull and frigid.. falling at the ends of life
How when the sun shines upon, vivid memories of a vibrant red radiate through
How the vines are placed thoroughly against each strain to sustain the grace together.

Growth is the most significant concept.
How from afar the frond is viewed as lovely
But you look closely.. grasp it firmly
You feel the prickles.. and the thorns..
Seeing that directly there is the pain and torture within each leaf.

Roses have numerous meanings
In each and every way they are appealing and irresistible
The petals each depict a part of me.
Beginning with the body, to the mind, following through the soul and ending with the heart.

Because of you, a girl feels loved daily
Because of you, a girl believes she has potential to get far in life
Because of you, a girl finds herself waking up with smiles each day
Because of you, a girl feels worthwhile
Because of you, a girl learns to love and be expressive, rather than hide her inner emotions
Because of you, a girl learns to have patience, but also to not be lazy
To understand the value of work
Because of you, I remain persistent even when things get rough
Because of you, I find comfort in loving arms, especially yours.
You are my person
And you made my life a whole lot better

If I had the words to describe how I truly feel about you
If I had the words to explain to you my worries that ache through my heart
If I had the words to speak and decipher my own self
I would be the happiest woman in the universe.
But words seem to fail me time and time again
So we both have to settle with the messages hidden within these poems.

Your touch, your laugh, your presence, and your mind
Mesmerize me completely
I've caught ropes with your personality
Let me just say that..
If I had one true wish
Besides to be successful,
It would be to stay by your side for eternity.

I'm not going to lie at times I'm an emotional mess.
Thoughts and feelings being pulled out of random parts of my mind
About things I do not even care for as much anymore.
But behind the thorns of myself, there is my beauty, my rose.
I am beautiful, thoughtful.
I am going to be successful, as well as be content with my mental.
No one is going to care for you as much as I do
Actions speak louder than words and when the time comes
It will be proved with my actions but
For now, I am going to be the one who will make you feel comforted
Relieved, distressed, loved.
I am going to be the one who will be fighting for you when it feels like nobody else cares for you.
I am going to be the one who
Who accompanies you, supports you.
I am your biggest fan TJ Mac.
You are my special gem, my feather.
I want you in my life, because you are perfect for me.
Just promise me, that you won't hurt me.

When I cannot say my emotions in words
You look deeply into my eyes
And understand just about everything I might be going through
Though at first it was creepy as hell
It's my favorite thing about you.
You understand me at times when I don't even understand myself
You listen to me at times where my thoughts are clouded
And I jump from one topic to another
You're patient with me
Respectful towards me
Loving to me.
You always tell me
The distance between us at the moment
Is only to make our relationship stronger
And for us to be more grateful with the time that we do have together.

Lastly, I appreciate you beginning to give your heart to me
And trusting me with your pride
I appreciate you as a person
And everything you've brought upon to me.

My imagination has corrupted my perception
The same perception that is undefined and unknown
During the nighttime
My negative thoughts come indoors and push my old memories
Outdoors and when I awaken..
I am lost, I am torn, I am in pain
And that is just my mentality. Fixate on me.
I am someone with depression and altered memory
But through all the pain and despair
I kept the faith within myself and occupation of my mind
And trust me when I say that all is fine..


I guess.

You are the light to my tunnel, the sun to my darkness
You are the food to my body, the breath to my lungs
You are the art to my soul, the poetry to my mind
You are the rose to my beauty, the rose of my heart.
Anytime you need me, I will be here for you
Don't worry about me, more so be there for yourself
Don't ever doubt my words even in times that are blue
As you know, baby, bruises don't last forever
But when they arrive onto your skin, take your time and heal
I will always be here, supporting you from the sidelines, the crowds
But you need you more than I need you
Take care of yourself, beloved.

Though I may joke around with you
Overthink constantly
Ask you the same questions over and over..
Deep down in my heart I know how you feel about me
Though I might need to hear them every once in a while,
I know I never truly will doubt anything you say
Because it's not only your words, your actions prove my value in your life.
I'm grateful to have you, and I love the way you remind me many times how you feel about me
Any time you may see me getting upset, or overthinking my place in your life..
You re-explain it no matter how annoying it may seem to you.
You really know me a lot better than most people..
& I just want to be with you..
Hold you..
Love on you.
I'm just waiting for you.

Writing through one of my fears.

I am afraid of the dark.
The loneliness that is attached to it
The pain that is afflicted to my soul when it becomes pitch black
How the mind loses itself and begins to replay thoughts that had been tucked into this deep, tiny corner inside a vessel of my heart
How memories become reoccurring images inside of my brain
I am afraid of the dark
How again..
When the sun becomes the moon..
I lose myself.

I hate when people ask me to tell them about myself
What do you want to know? My name, age, career?
More importantly, why?
I want to remain as a mystery
I don't want you to have the benefit of knowing me
I would rather be hidden and unimportant.. than be famous and notable
I won't answer your question.
Forgive me for that

I'm guilty.

I'm guilty of not spending as much time with you as I could before I had left.
I'm guilty of hiding from my own self, and my own little fantasies that are made up inside of my head.
I'm guilty of forcing myself not to continue falling in love with you, just because I'm afraid of the outcome.
I'm guilty of sometimes bottling my true emotions not because I don't trust you, but simply because it's something new everyday.
I'm guilty of thinking that I am a burden upon you.
I'm guilty of not being the most comfortable I can be with you, but just that it will take time.
I'm guilty of not hugging you the tightest I could hug before I was gone.
I'm guilty of not being able to see you for months, yet missing you more each day.
I'm guilty of wanting to love you, care for you, spoil you, and trust you.
I'm guilty of wanting to be your girlfriend, and your last one at that.
And lastly, I'm guilty of falling in love with you.

Every single day you are on my mind
No.. even more than that.. it's like **** near every minute
There's always times where I am wondering what we would be doing if I was with you
How great of a time it would be if we were together all the time.
I reminisce on us before, and I miss it more each day.
I wish that I had spent more time with you and told you my feelings earlier
Rather than waiting till I was gone for a while.
Now every moment we have together in the future will not go to granted
I cannot wait until you're officially mine.
I miss you.

You read me, you read through me.
Sometimes I want to say that you don't understand me but
The truth is, that you do.
You understand me more than anyone else in my life has.
And it's only been two months.
You try for me.
You acknowledge my emotions.. my behavior.
You recognize my tone.. my style.
You appreciate my actions.. my words.
You read me, you read through me.
Sometimes I want to say that you don't care for my feelings but
The truth is, that you do.
You ask me what is wrong anytime I am acting different
You know how I am, what I'm feeling, and probably even my thoughts.
You prove it each and everyday.
And it's only been two months.
I know I say this all the time but
I don't know what I did to deserve you in my life, as mine.
It could be all the pain that I was dragged through, all the emotions I had pushed aside for the sake of others
It could be all the times that I was beaten and drained mentally by my peers.
Even though that may seem like a lot, if that was all that it took to have someone like you in my life as mine.. I would go through it all over again for you.

Love..
What is it?

My parents were deeply in 'love'
The smile they had on their faces
Each day..
The love was shown within their vitality
But then you look at the other side
Where the grass isn't so green and the sky isn't so blue
My friend was having affairs
My cousin was being abused

What is love?
Because if I'm going to risk my peace & stability
I need to know that he's ready for me
That I'm going to get the positive energy
Constantly

I don't know what love is but I'm scared of it

Why am I always being doubted
Seems like for years I have been trying to redeem myself
Impress others by becoming my best self
Be proud of my own self, yet it seems like nothing works
To everyone I am a disappointment, a burden
And I am always going to be.
No matter how many times you may tell me that it's not true
Or that I'm a blessing, an angel.. I won't believe it.
I'm tired of being here, I'm tired of this cruelty of life
For years I have been searching for happiness, for years I was searching for my identity
I thought I found myself only to just lose myself again, like this is some cycle.
I'm writing this poem with tears in my eyes and pain devoted in my heart
I am hurting, and I've been hurting for a while
Yet I keep my feelings hidden for the satisfaction of others.
Why am I always living for others?
Is it so hard to just live and not worry about anything
It's like my anxiety finds the smallest reasons to feast through my mind
Nibble through my brain and leaving my heart torn
I am in pain, emotionally
I am in pain, physically
& I am in a lot of pain, mentally.