Drenched in psychedelia
The asylum you bury yourself along with your burdens in
But it’s always temporary
Despondency is always in season
Not forthcoming is change
You perpetuator you

Purpose ravaged by a river of lost opportunities
You lost a piece of yourself when the steel doors slammed shut in your face
And yours was one hell of a knock

Now Inebriation is your newly found crutch
Oh the irony!
The bottom of the clear glass bottle is not where you belong

This self pity is getting rather tedious
Get off your ****
Walk through the fire, do not go round it
For you my dear, will prevail.

Tonight I felt this wave of contentment hit me

Though fleeting
It uplifted my spirits

Offered momentanous     restoration of hope that remains wedged at bottom of this skeptical heart

This independence they speak of seems like a myth
I dipped my toes  into the vast waters of the reality of life
Only to be overpowered by the immensity
Making me retreat back into this place
Where I have remained
Incarcerated inside of myself

Just a conglomerate of disorders
Inhibited by chemical imbalances
Needing constant reassurance
Like a child
Pathetic

My desire for nothing less than perfection outside of this unreality
making me cling on to apron strings
That should have been severed many a moon ago

I admit
I am pathetically in love with you
Frightful it might be irrevocable
Girl pining away for someone whom she's invisible to
The oldest story in the book

I pale in comparison to all the others
I know, I get it
Not aesthetically gifted
Perhaps if you had taken a peek into my soul
You'd have found how stunning it is

I grow more delusional by the day
envisioning how your hazels would sparkle
When halation encircles you in auroras fluorescence

I am wrecking my brain
Trying to sound profound
Words splattered on a page are all I have to offer sometimes
Verbalisation fails me
I suppose I'll have to be content with this unembellished declaration
( which you will never see)
It feels organic anyway
I am plucking all this from the bottom of my heart

As I force these feelings to wither away
I attempt to convince myself that this was just perhaps an inflated crush
I am saddened by thoughts of what could have been
It burns
The catalyst I need to move on is my acceptance of the fact that even though we live under the same sun
the problem is, it doesn't cast the same shadow

You sat on your throne built from the fear you instilled in us
Proclaimed yourself sovereigner of our minds
Shackled us to the hem of your blood stained trousers
Created a prison built on futile wrath

The multiple personalities you own swapped roles
The good, the bad and the ugly
When the good revealed  itself all of our hate melted away and we saw this beautiful side to you
You would then play the victim
Appealed to our emotions prompting us to abandon all reason

The vicious cycle recurred, like they always do
It's as though you fed us ****
Fed us full
And yet we still came back begging for more
Such fools we were to believe your redemption could be found

We burned in our rage
Broke the mental chains
The ******* king with a murderous game had been overthrown

Now you lie on your death bed made of thorns
The crows are cawing in the distance waiting to feast upon your remains
Not a ounce of guilt over  my utterance of the fact that you got what you deserve and more

It's not hard watching you shrivel.

The sun looks and feels as though it seeks revenge
The sweltering heat exarcabating the chronic fatigue that plagues this youthful body
All of the grumbling and screaming turning  into a silent whisper
And subsequently, a yawn
I feel oppressed by mother nature

The wind is blowing in fiery-like gusts  When it touches my face I can feel all the energy oozing out of me
Justifying this idleness

The air smells of wilted Jacaranda tree blossomings, strewn across the lawn
Which would be blissful if inhalation of these smells didn't spur on pesky allergies
It feels like the end of days

I yearn for the feeling of relief in the air and within myself when the infinite skies flare up and release the rains
And the pleasure of hearing the water murmur when it flows over the stone work in the front yard

Endurance
Endurance.

I woke up this morning with an appetite for self-destruction
Yesterday's consumption of ******* piling on today's woes
Making me ill

There is a hollow in the pit of my stomach
Something is brewing in my heart of hearts
Come dusk it will overflow

The fear is settling in my blood
Running through my veins
My alkaline blood turning acidic

If anyone needs me I will be in the doldrums.