It wouldve been easy
Quick
Done
But I couldnt bring myself to do it
Not when its not only my emotions at stake

I used to have a depressed bipolar and strange step dad
I have nothing against depression or bipolar and strange people
But this guy made me hate humanity

He was munipulative and agressive

He would beat us and then tell my mum it was an accident

We were only 4-9 years old, we weren't going to speak up.

The thing that gets me is that he managed to get my mother to love him so much, that no matter what he did
She would believe his lies

She would choose him over us

I actually hated her at one stage

But one day we come home and hes gone.
Pills are laying on the bed
Alot of them.
And half of the packages were empty.

My mum freaked
She stayed up all night worrying
And worrying
And worrying
About that *******

When finally at four in the morning
One of her calls is finally answered by his phone
Its a woman that answers
She says "hello"
"Oh uh okay, let me get him for you."
"Baby theres someone on the phone for you"

My mum hangs up before she talks to him..
The ******* **** faked his own death to run away with another woman


And if I ever see him again
Id be glad to beat the **** out of him

My mum was like pretty upset for a year but moved on after that
It was hard for her
It was hard for everyone

But Im pretty glad hes out of our lives now.

All you do is put me down
Shut me down
And laugh

You're a ******* princess
Thinking you're cool
Just because you hang with a group of people that seem to think they're better than everyone else

You always have your nails done
Your eyebrows done
Your hair done
Everything has to be perfect

Im not a girly girl
Im not rich
Im just a white chick
Who couldve give two *****

I used to think you were my friend
That you were nice
But the only reason I ever thought that
Is because you were using me
Since you had noone else

We were best friends
Great friends
But now I wonder why
I dont want anything to do with you anymore
All you do is make me feel like Im below you
That Im not good enough
That Im not cool enough

You know what?
Go **** yourself.

Its 9.45
I could'nt feel less alive
I seem to be falling, sinking
In my own bed
And I hope that maybe
Just maybe
The mattress might swallow me whole

As sweet as candy
Don’t you think watermelons dandy?

It’s got seeds
It’s nice and fresh
It’s green

There’s no other fruit in sight
I’d like to eat

I've cried more this week than I usually do in a year

Need to harden up

What if every wish you made was countered by every bad thing you've ever done ¿

You don't even say hi anymore
You hang out with people who value wealth and looks over kindness
Change can't be stopped
But I never thought
That one day Id barely recognise you

I miss you so much
You dont have a clue
Yet, when you talk about her
Im never jealous
Im never sad
Only do I ever wish you the best
And It makes me wonder
Does that mean I really miss you?
Maybe just as a friend
But then again
If you were to chase after me
You would'nt have to run very far
Because for you
Id stop running
Even if I was running from something that terrified me the most.