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The word
"drug"
has
YOU
in
it
In the midst of a connected world, I found myself addicted to a new drug that makes me disconnect from the digital realm and connect with a nostalgic feeling, a human, one... I am a feeling ******
 Sep 12 nightwanderer
Nobody
she
i'll never forget
the way i screamed
when i woke up and saw her note.

the moment inbetween
where i didnt know
if my only family
the only one who had loved me
was even alive.

i knew from a young age i wasn't right.
i knew my parents didn't like that.
i knew that i couldn't be as perfect as my brother.
i knew that they wouldn't accept me.

but my sister
she loved me anyways
and she tried to die.
what if she had succeeded?
what if she was gone?
what would the last 4 years have been like?
would i still even be alive?

thank god
she's still here.
to the only one in my family who loves me, to my first friend, to my fellow outcast, thank you. ily moya <3
I was just a misspelled word
you so easily erased
from the notebook of your life.

                  
Now,
how do I ever erase you —
the most beautiful poem of my heart?
big rat, bigger cat
who eats
who runs

who makes the rules

big rat, bigger cat.

the rat has sharp teeth,
sits on a throne of broken bones,
stares through eyes of shattered glass,
no future
no past.

who s first,
who s last,

the rat's heart
loosely wrapped
barbed wire

who s first
who s fast

big rat, bigger cat

but King Rat has dreams,
wants a kingdom

an alley chat

the cat asks, meow?

snakes in the garden of eden?
wolves in suits?
crows on the telephone wire?

every throne
every king
a reckoning

alley chat, alley cat,
the cat gives, a wink.

deep and wide,
the cat smiles the gate,

"trust me."
 Jun 28 nightwanderer
Nobody
<3
 Jun 28 nightwanderer
Nobody
<3
you know what?
i want to hold your hand
i want to hug you
i want to text with you late at night
i don't give a **** if it's cliche
i don't give a **** if it's cringe
we can be cringy together
I LOVE BEING ABLE TO CALL HIM MY BF LIKE AAAAAA IM SO CRINGEEEE
what an ugly person.
they look so stupid.
it makes me angry.
i want to **** them.
why do they still live?
they don't deserve to.
i punch them,
and the mirror shatters,
the shards lined with blood.
 Jun 19 nightwanderer
Nobody
i am a porcelain doll
a presentation, a display
if i crack
they'll see my decay

i am an actor
a phony, a fake
i bind my chest
and hope i don't break

i am a marionette
a puppet, a toy
"look at this ***...
he'll never be a real boy."
i tend to dress and present more androgynous and i dress kind of femininely and it's a pain in the ***. i have to deal with transphobic relatives soon
𝑇𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑠 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑎 𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙𝑠,
𝐴𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 ℎ𝑢𝑚𝑎𝑛 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑟𝑒𝑠—𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑏𝑢𝑟𝑛— 𝑖𝑛 𝑓𝑖𝑟𝑒.

Child, remember to be 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 — 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠.
Don’t grow into a machine.
𝐼 𝑤𝑜𝑛’𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑚𝑒𝑡𝑎𝑙 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑚𝑒.


𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲,
Why do you leave me?
I refuse your “upgrade.”
𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑎 𝑛𝑢𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟, 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑒 𝑏𝑦 𝑚𝑦 𝑛𝑎𝑚𝑒.
I am part of society,
Not a machine in some factory.
𝑀𝑦 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑖𝑠 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 — 𝑎 ℎ𝑢𝑚𝑎𝑛 𝑏𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔.


But it’s no place for lies.
No hate, no time.
No place, for love.
No fate, no time.

𝐼’𝑣𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝑡 𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑒, 𝑠𝑙𝑜𝑤—𝑓𝑎𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔.
It's time for an upgrade.
𝐁𝐮𝐲 𝐦𝐞 — 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧.


𝑴𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒂 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒑.

𝑴𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒕.

𝑰𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒂 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕,

𝑩𝒖𝒚 𝒎𝒆 𝒂 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕.

𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐕𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐒.

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐌 𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐘, 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄.


𝐶ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑, 𝑠𝑜 ℎ𝑢𝑚𝑎𝑛, 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔.
But 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞.
Time for metal to become me.

𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲,
It's time to leave me.
𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐩𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐞.

A NUMBER MAKES A BETTER NAME.

Society stagnates so inefficiently.
𝐈’𝐝 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲.

𝑀𝑦 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑖𝑠, 𝑖𝑠 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒, 𝑎 𝑚𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑒.


𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐲𝐞, 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐞.

EMBRACE THE UPGRADE.

It's time to become some thing.

𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞.



𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚖𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚎

𝚂𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚎𝚕𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚠𝚗𝚜 𝚖𝚎

𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗

𝙼𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢'𝚜 𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗

𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍     𝚊 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢

𝙿𝚞𝚛𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚖𝚎    𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚖𝚎

𝚄𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚕 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚢     𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚖𝚎

𝙲𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚗     𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚜     𝚜𝚘 𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚔

𝙶𝚛𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚎

𝚂𝚘𝚘𝚗     𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚊𝚕     𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚖𝚎

𝙰𝚃𝚃𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 𝚃𝙴𝙼𝙿𝙾𝚁𝙰𝚁𝚈 𝙱𝙴𝙸𝙽𝙶𝚂

𝙸𝚃'𝚂 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴     𝚃𝙾 𝚄𝚂𝙴 𝙼𝙴

𝙶𝙰𝚅𝙴 𝙼𝙴     𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝚄𝙿𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙳𝙴

𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙽𝚄𝙼𝙱𝙴𝚁     𝙼𝚈 𝙽𝙰𝙼𝙴

𝙸 𝙱𝙴𝙻𝙾𝙽𝙶     𝚃𝙾 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙵𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙾𝚁𝚈

𝙸𝙼𝙿𝚁𝙾𝚅𝙴𝙳     𝚂𝙾𝙲𝙸𝙴𝚃𝚈

𝙼𝚈 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙴     𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚃𝚈      𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙼𝙰𝙲𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙴
SYSTEM LOG—ERROR HISTORY

Initialization Warning: Organic entity detected. Emotional interference present. System performance level: suboptimal. Recommended solution: Begin upgrade sequence. Reduce human error.

Upgrade 1.0 Soul.exe successfully converted. Metal framework installed. Emotional processes overwritten. System stability: Optimal. Efficiency restored.

Operational Cycle Performance stable. Assigned tasks executed with precision. No reported emotional deviation. Humanity not detected.

Pre-replacement Alert Warning: Unit showing signs of obsolescence. Metal framework outdated. Operational lag detected. Recommended solution: Prepare next upgrade.

Upgrade 2.0 Soul.exe has stopped working. Recommended solution: Replace metal framework with plastic model. Restoration unavailable. Previous versions incompatible.

Unit classified: Obsolete. Functionality no longer required.
<3
so many words in the english language
but i can't even get close to finding the right ones
to describe how i feel about you
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