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 Mar 2014 Nicole Wheat
Morgan
A trash can full
Of fragmented sentences
Held between red margins
And blue lines,
They poured out all over your
Bedroom floor, with torn edges;
You'd say that
No combination of words
Ever conveyed
Your feelings right
On the first try;
So I guess that's why
The first time you said
"I love you"
You took it back three weeks
Later and said
"No I just need you"
And I guess that's why
The first time you said
"No I just need you",
You reminded me how thin the line
Between necessity and desire
Is an hour later
And I guess that's why
The first time you said
"I can't do this"
You did it anyway
Over and over
And over again
And I guess that's why
the first time you called to say
You missed me
You really meant
You were lonely;
You never got it right on the first try
But you were a perfectionist
And you hated to leave things unfinished
So, you took your time
Ripping me into a million
Fragmented sentences
And throwing more of me away
With every passing day
Until I was a pile of bones
Stitched together with nothing
Except your
Bed sheets
And a black V-neck
Sweater;
Hollowed out
And expressionless,
I never looked better;
Once I had nothing left
To throw away
You pinned me up
And left me hanging;
Hanging on
Your words
Like an animal in a cage,
Swallowing bits and pieces
Of your affection as
You'd occasionally
Toss some at my feet;
I've been tongue tied for three years
You've been spitting words down my neck
But I can hardly taste them anymore,
So when I melt
Into your arms
For an other night in a row
Just know
It was never enough
 Mar 2014 Nicole Wheat
Ann Beaver
I am just a rat,
some object all the boys pick and kick and lick at,
tease, and put in a cage,
saw in half, and sew back together
with their **** and *******--
their sweet nothings
their bitter sentences.
They're lies,
blades,
dark, heroic, and valiant seas that drown rats.
They're litter all over consciousness.
 Mar 2014 Nicole Wheat
x x x
I remember
vividly

how you
packed your
stuffs
and walked
out of this
place.

I was
only 10

"where are you
going, daddy?"
you said
you were never
coming back.

I laughed,
thinking it was
a joke

I was
then 13

when I saw
mummy
silently weeping
in the dark

I wished I hadn't
seen it
because

I didn't know
what to do.

I was
then 15

when neighbours
bombard me
with questions

of where
did my
daddy go

I wished
i knew the answer
too.

I'm was
then 17

when I realised
that I'm still
his little
princess

but the
long distances
made me
feel uncomfortable

I'm 20
when I realised
that love is *******,

because that's
what taught to me

10 years ago.
 Mar 2014 Nicole Wheat
Morgan
you sent my car
sailing straight
through a red light
with one hand up in the air...
you were mocking my sister's
new boyfriend
and looking at me;
my eyes were to the street
but i couldn't stop laughing
quickly enough to
muster a warning

that's kind of how
it felt
when you sailed
straight
into me
oh
so
recklessly;
i saw
the warning
signs
all blinking red
but took one look
into your eyes
and forgot
what they
had said
 Mar 2014 Nicole Wheat
Morgan
he interrupted me
in the middle of
an earth shatteringly
pointless story
to tell me i had
a cute laugh,
in a smoke-filled
garage infront of
all of our friends.
i said,
"alright dude
*******"


that night
i slept in the fetal
position with four blankets
and craved his skin so
bad i didn't even notice
that i bit my lip
until the pool of blood
collecting inside the deep ditch
of my gums, began to taste
of hot metal

today he texted me
while i was at work
and asked if he could
bring me a coffee
i looked at myself
in the bathroom mirror,
sighed and told him
we were busy
then i bought a
coffee for myself,
let the bitter sweet
warm liquid
linger on my tongue
and pretended
it was his lips

alone is a state of being
and i have never been alone,
lonely is a state of mind
and i have never been anything but
there was a fire
in the palms
of your hands
that flowed out
and ignited
the very best parts
of me,
but now all that’s left
is a few
glowing embers
that provide
no warmth,
and a cold wind
that bites
and tears
at my raw,
exposed skin
yeah

so we were stepping over sparkling paving stones
the air we breathed seemed to sparkle
and inhaling left a chill on my throat
the flawless silence was broken only
by the sound of her high heels
and the occasional passing car
I would glance at her
when I thought it might go unnoticed
and I loved how the orange glow from the streetlights
made her look warm when everything around us was so cold

'can I tell you something' she said
'sure'
'you can't tell anyone though'
'okay......'

'I'm engaged'

I stop walking

the silence suffocates me
I can't stop my eyes from falling
they search the pavement for answers
for something to say
I fake a smile and look back up laughing
'oh my god, that's amazing, congratulations"!

I put my arm round her shoulders and start us walking

'Aww you really think so'?

No
you're something different
in every single cell of your existence
we click a little better
than me and him did
i need you to repair
my cracked,
but not broken,
heart
but i'm afraid
sometimes i think i'm meant to be a
lone ranger for all my life
don't let me fall
like so many have
i don't want to trust you
i don't want to trust you at all
i don't want to regret falling for you
theres competition
and i have a handicapped
being gone for these painful periods of time
...could you do it?
you asked for no chase
then i won't give you one
i just want to make you happy
you say your hearts destroyed
i promise i could fix that
no problem
just don't give me a hard time
i'll just have to give you a try
and brace myself
i
can't
trust
anymore
What I want to tell him. Plain and simple.
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