Is fleeting.
Possibly an illusion
               Intangible
Allowance.
                  Does Love always follow?
Perhaps versions,
                            Different crowds
different personalities
                           Yet Same.
Just searching for a constant
                         Maybe stumble into one
Hard to know,
                        Nay
Impossible.
So easy to spit lies,
                              Incomplete truths
This actions completely outside oneself.
        Completely,
                           and Absolutely
       The Other Person.
How many chances?
                                   Possible to get back once lost?
Limited, patient, costly...
                               Who do you Really Trust?


                                                        ­                                            **August 1, 2013

This Burning,
                      This Passion,
                                             This Fire,
                 This Pressure in my chest.
It Builds
              and Towers until this odd and almost
                                                          ­                  Unwelcome feeling presents itself.

I want to take it out,
Hold it in front of Me,
      That glowing orb.
I want to analyze it.
                                Peer inside.
Witness what it beholds.
Yet this is not a physical witness
Anyone can Attest too.
Nothing that can be held.
               Except me.
                                 It is Me.
                                                That is You.
Waiting to burst forth and be
                                                Freed.
Maybe that is why you can already feel it Me
                                                              ­         l
                                                               ­     t
                                                          ­gni
                                                    Away,
The­ Burning Pressure,
              Receding.
That undefined ache of your Soul.
               Finding Breath
Do not hide it in.

Mix of Excitement
                       And Fear
As you grow to let it
                                             Shine.

You will Feel Better,
                                 Empowered.
                    Confident and  
                                             Fine.

Take that Glowing Orb.
                                       Allow it to
           Light Others,
As you know you should,
                                           Have.
                                            Will
          ­                                  Can
                           ­                  Do.
                                          
In small.
             Growing ways.
Planted the Subtle Seed,
                                  waiting to receive
                                     Nourishment.

Being alone
                   Surmounts this feeling
Becomes Encompassing.
            No Escape,
                               All Fear.
Not knowing where it's coming from
                                            Or why it brings me Tears.
Do not like being stuck,
                                 Feeling Stuck Here.
It is always possible to Remove Yourself
In Fact,
             Several different ways.

Constantly remind self that
                                              Presence is Desired.
Have trouble feeling Welcome
                                     Hate Hiding in the Corner
Finding comfort in it's
                                      Cold,
                ­                                Tired Embrace.
Longing to Step Free.
                           Climbing the Confidence Ladder
                            Through the Maze of Hate,
                            Around the Thrashing Waters of
                                             Deceit.
Quietly,
              Heart Screaming,
Some will fall away.
                                 Evidence of False Need
                                                     False Friend
                                  Be wary of turning into Foe.
Scared to Lose,
Fear Gaining,
                             Not Living.




July 29, 2013
**Edited August 3, 2013

My Heart can only Scream so Long
                                                          so­ Loud
Echoing with all I wish you would accept.
              Even forming these words grow tiresome.
They are read but not
                                      Alive.
                ­                      In Time...
                                                      The­y shall ring True
The rest will pour forth when finally
                                                         ­             Near
          I Hope to get that Chance
To add more proof,
                               evidence,
                                              Solidify your Reality.
But I cannot continue to care so Deep
           See so Strong...
Feel so Foolish
                         So grow into that hidden Strength
While I try to forget that glow,
                                                  glint,
  ­                                                         glitter...
                           Sparkle behind that Smile.
But I'm not gone...
      That collision of Space and Time.
                                Reverberating.


          ­                   Just tell me. When exactly do these ripples end?
Well you have control you see,
it is not the same as throwing a rock into the water and watching the ripples disappear.
This is more than just a simple stone tossed in a lake.
Yes,
those ripples move,
but they eventually fade.
We have choices, that maybe sort of false sought out Destiny.
But we decide, have that choice, that one, two, or three.
So this thing we have,
however small it may be,
is maybe one and or two holding onto this growing Tree
clinging to that whatever small heart string.
So maybe, just maybe, you will eventually
                       See.


**July 24, 2013

Control over more than words
                 Just want to be
         Something I'm not
                           But Everything I'm meant to Be.
Too Scared
                   Of?
                          Everything
Must Climb
                                  E.
                      ­         S
                            I
                        R
That unique soul is True.
                     Stop Hiding It.
Such Intimidation
                              Such Lack
           So Lost
Not searching to be
                                 Found.
Who would want to see?
         Brilliance there,
                                   Emotionally shadowed.
Soon light will reflect,
                                    Too dark to break free.
Must stop the creeping darkness
                                       Literally Crawl Through.
How to distinguish 'Right'?
         Wrong is easier to see,
                         easier to give up,
                                                    usually.
­Why is Right so hard?
              Always feel undeserved
          But You are Deserving
             Do not be scared
                  Just Try.


**July 24, 2013

Purpose Lost
Purpose Found
Purpose Changes.
                              Write to write
                              Write to Feel
Right.
              Where to find the effort?
   Comes with passion,
                                      No effort at all.
        Feel so strange.
                                     Only one constant
       One Remains
                               No need to be said.

        Happy for the present,
                                              How does sadness creep?
           It does because of others
                                          actions, words
                                                           ­         entice emotion
                   Cause and Effect
        When one is Happy
                                        does not mean that all will follow.
                         Little Things Matter.
Focus on abstract,
                                Larger required.
How is it known happiness will carry?
                                   because that Joy different.
It will carry on,
                          felt within,
                                             Soul
                                                      Wracki­ng
                                            Pleasure.
So Find It,
                   Do It,
                              Be 'It'.



**July 23, 2013

I Both Fear for you and Admire you.
                   Where the fear comes from
                               Not Known
Maybe Compassion,
                                  Human Love,
                                                          W­** cares.
                                                          ­   It's there.
You are strong,
                        cognitive,
                      ­                  brilliant,
                                    ­                  And know it.
Only use it to twisted advantage.
                                   If that's all you want,
                                                all you require
                       Then Fine.
I'm not here to Judge,
                                    point fingers,
                                                        ­    Instruct,
                           Control.
Just know that you can be More.
              Achieve the Greatest.
                    Make a Change
Be the strange Disease
                                   that heals instead of kills.
I can see it there,
                            In small,
                                           Subtle ways.
Did you Know you are Beautiful?
Did you Know you are Miraculous?
                   So much there,
                                            So much potential.
                         Just Use It.



**July 23, 2013

When you watch day turn to night
Suddenly things come to light
Because it is so obvious,
                                       Stunningly so,
The passage of time
                               Marked by the falling Sun.
The Brain starts wandering,
                                             Focusing,
     Running on wild
                        Do not ignore,
                                                replace or Control
Allow Freedom,
                          Be one with your thoughts
Why so busy?
                       Why so surrounded?
             Why so scared to be alone?
Scared of the infinite,
                                   lost in thoughts
                Daunting
   Where will the mind wander?
           Most of all...
Scared of seeing who you Truly are,
                                   Mistakes and missed chances.
But it is all past now.
Nothing more to be done.
So learn from them.
                        
                           LET. IT. GO.
                            EXPLORE.



**July 23, 2013