you are beautiful,
but in the way that scares me-
like the end of a cigarette.
beautiful ashes that disperse in the wind
but warm to the touch
and causes scars when pressed against skin.
it's eerie to think
that the smoke surrounding you
and getting between your clothes and tangled mess of hair and face
is slowly rotting you on the inside,
eventually killing you.

(do you see what you're doing to me, scarlet?)

you are stunning,
like the moon on a stormy night.
you stand out amongst the dark clouds and lightning strikes
but do nothing to stop the thunderous booms
and heavy rain pelting down upon me.
you simply watch; serene and illuminated,
you watch
me
suffer.

but you are dark
not the mysterious darkness of a newly discovered cave
or dingy attic begging to be explored,
but a darkness that has become familiar to me
the gloominess of a soul
the dimming of a heart-
you've put out every light of hope and belief
I've ever known
and you've ignited the fire that holds no luminescence,
only the ability to burn and smoke
the fire of pain; your fire.

and it is (you are) corroding me.

A smile frozen
No sadness there
Time has not broken
We still are not aware


This is just a photograph
A moment taken
Only one time to laugh
Before our love becomes forsaken

Your temper rises
With the length of my shirt
The bruises are no surprises
As you push me down into the dirt

This is just a photograph
A moment taken
Only one time to laugh
Before our love becomes forsaken

No fight left
Just some  broken bones
I'm to weak to heal this cleft
No where to go; I have lost my home

This is just a photograph
A moment taken
Only one time to laugh
Before our love becomes forsaken

Everyone I've tried to fool
Already knows
All they think is that I'm cruel
They won't listen to my woes

This is just a photograph
A moment taken
Only one time to laugh
Before our love becomes forsaken

They think I pushed you to this
Somehow that I deserve to be beat
I feel like I'm falling into the abyss
I'm so tired of your deceit

This is just a photograph
A moment taken
Only one time to laugh
Before our love becomes forsaken
  
In the dead of night
With hopes not to find
I began my flight
And started to leave you behind

This is just a photograph
A moment taken
Only one time to laugh
Before our love becomes forsaken

But then the case began
And I started to feel hate so deep within
To you This was all a plan
You grin at my scarred skin

This is just a photograph
A moment taken
Only one time to laugh
Before our love becomes forsaken

No longer will I run
I turn with intent to ****
The time to hide is done
This time it's not for thrill

I .
Will.
****.
You.
DIE.

yet again i find myself wide awake at midnight and beyond, lost in the labyrinth of my mind. the walls are dark and narrow, paths crumbling under every footstep and disintegrating with every tiptoe. the madness is overwhelming, echos of regret and misery dotting the darkness in broken frames and shattered glass. the end of the maze is identical to its start, empty and hollow and broken in ways that even i could not begin to fathom.

i am a ghost and a barren wasteland inside; a mannequin robot controlled by routine and forced smiles with no beating pulse or rhythmic heart. the silence is overwhelming, the sadness overbearing. there are tidal waves of emotions that wash over me in attempts to drown and flood me in this place, waters murky grey and suffocating. there is no shore here, only sea.

everything i am is mess, a chaos, a ruin, a tangled sphere of emotions and pent up feelings that run too deep past the surface of my heart and entwine themselves into my veins. it is here i am embedded with the shards of the past and memories that haunt me, gravity a weightless substance in the ocean of my tears. there are regrets and wishes and dreams, and as much as i try to escape i only sink further and further into manic depravity.

-

"i fell in love once."

"what happened?"

"i never stopped falling."

(A.H.Z)

if you ask me who i am now, i will tell you that i am the wilting rose you forgot to water and the last leak of orange light vanishing across the horizon as the sun sets. i am the lightning streak and thunder bolt i have learnt to fear, hate and admire all at once, the lonely in the night and the silence as the dawn breaks. a candle flame flickers in the far off distance, and i am as quiet as the solitude allows me to be; firecrackers bursting in the palm of my hand and in the core of my heart.

the memories where your voice sings to me sound like gunshots now, bullet wounds ripping the fabric of my soul to shreds. it occurs to me that without you i am a ghost of the person i once was, static electric current sparking on the surface of my skin. heated words laced with anger and bitter hurt are spun forth carelessly in seamless strings, blanketing over every rational thought now that you are a permanent absence in this fleeting life. it seems the longer you have vanished, the deeper i fall - into the crevices and cracks of a trap you lay for me, vulnerable and susceptible to your charms and the past where you still stay, immune to the ever changing currents of time and the present.

i have loved and i have lost, but none have created a wound as deep as you.

(A.H.Z)

Your scent in my bed
your voice in my head
your touch on my skin
the taste of your sin
all haunting me
until I see you again