early to rise and observe          
trip over the cat
first to witness that things        
need not be so absurd
and inglorious and murdered  

reassemble breath                        
resemble prescribed life

.
i made the front door my enemy
staying inside to concentrate
               on written projects
i devilled away days                    
exorcised away my rights
                to the world out there

now (with projects complete)    
i approach the door
     theorize that I am wanted beyond 
                      to receive sustenance
                       and be free of my aches ...

... or
      to become sustenance                      
give in to my condition
      to pass back my remaining value   
hand in my report        
           with the staples removed
be resolved                                  
as some gaseous defeat

i bravely open the door             
there is no attack by nature
nor any euphoric reward
       i am left alone to feel my own way
to give and receive breaths
                steps are taken                                           
and signals interpreted
rejoining the world                    
as if uninterrupted

. .
pinhole eyes                                                            
­    observe over your kindled lie                         
the spread of your inedible pattern
doctoring against the indelible darkness
              quilted climate of mediation   forms over your bed
wiring out your unfiltered horrors with gentle fluence
(the rental of ebb  and the menial of flow)
tapping metal   musician on the raw triggers                    
                         that fore-reign your vital psychology
the inks  the rigs  the tinkers   the shallows
the shadows  and score  that wink to us all    
from the blue night
                                    observed
              ­                                      pinhole eyes
. .
blue screen   onto the window of the night
stalked by the lonely boy            
          you widowed it all away
vagranted and volunteered away   all your daylight
gave up the tokens of family                        
schooling features and few friends
remaining ; an intelligence to pool fear
you take on the scientists
popping your dreams                                
                 to see if they spasm and scream
gutting their symmetry  blazing a ****
recovering only more symmetry
rummaging away with their simplicity
extending the corridor without sympathy
searching out the temple of it all
a deeper darker origin to answer to it all
. .
shakedown    plug right through the eyes
you were riding it for ecstatic life
made a corpse of it now
naked to the nerve   your teeth grown in
invited to savage your way out              
               venture through the gaper glass
information salvaged    wreckage retrieved
your markers picked up   the importance received
up to you/ the message :  "exist,  if you please"
. .

every day is runny                                   
hungry erogenous wounds                    
nuzzling  boobing  and bursting
and then healing   only to expand        
                       in gasps and searches
billowing open gills  the being is expended
but the self erupting  and the heat
and the ***** health vulnerability
it doesn’t stop and weather beats heat
battery builds in the concrete
and the others glide in light drapes
and daily life and a clean work uniform            
and frequent showers                                
                 and confused doctors notes
can’t disguise the revolting releases                  
             and paffing of diluted pheromones
and the rabid sweating and revolving motions
and rapid incoherences                                
                            and a collapsed posture
    inside     i am a fizzing fist of decay

lanky gal in swelter garb    tummy foaming out
barbed and fumed  punk  but no feud            
with a hench of post adolescent scents
and cradling a foppy doll of a rat dog

kibbling chancers stop                                      
         and ghop in adoration at the indulged pup
coddled on its back  and in its 'mamas' arms
its peddling limbs faffing with the hot air
                                 and attention

dry as a butterfly   and legless as an atlas
buttressed by a mattress            
     the gap against the wall
to sleep   or  at least    
to practice