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I once loved you the way I loved myself maybe even more
Now after all the tears, lies, and pain i started to love less
Not you but myself
You see I thought it was me who made you do the things you did
Maybe I wasn't good enough, pretty enough and gain to much weight
Than I look in a mirror and I realize yes I gain some weight but I bought life in to this world
Yes I have days when I could do better but even than my better is someone best
And oh yeah I'm no where near a Plain Jane I have beauty that shines for the inside out
Than I think....... I once loved you the way I loved myself maybe even more but now i love myself so much that if it was you or me
I will chose ME
 May 2014 nesrine ben
LJ Chaplin
The cold side of the bed seems so far away,
Wrapped in the sheets are the sounds of breathing,
Pieces of you and I still smoulder in the ashtray,
Tobacco kisses and shots of *** in the evening.
Exorcisms couldn't even lift the haunting presence
Of a heavy heart which carries the weight of worlds.
Short and sweet. Struggling for inspiration recently.
Some things never change
But why would they if you keep letting the same things happen over and over
If you want change you have to be ready for change
Some time you have to hit rock bottom  before your ready
I believe I'm ready
You have the power to change you just have to want it
 May 2014 nesrine ben
September
i saw you one last time
before you crawled
under the couch—
back into all those photos
that i took of you
i took all of them
Sometimes
I think about the things that I love

I think about
the books that I read
the genres I enjoy

I think about
the shows that I watch
the music I like

I think about
the thoughts I have
the opinions I hold

I think about
who I am
and what makes me so

I think about
how I don't really know anyone
who cares for the things I care for

(Except you)

Sometimes
I think about the things that I love
and I feel *alone
 May 2014 nesrine ben
shåi
sides.
 May 2014 nesrine ben
shåi
two sides
one story
but a fractured heart
of a lost girl
is all that is left

the boy's most prized theft.

she is gone
but yet is still here
but if you visit her today
her figure may still be lurking in the corridor


(b.d.s.)
i will be starting my forthcoming poetry project called who are you? (way) ... keep watching coming soon!!
suggestions are always appreciated!
My mother should be an author
She carves her soul into millions of pieces
Leaving it behind all of the family photos
When I see my mother
I see a woman
Who wants to hide her soul in a needle
Just so the screaming can stop in her mind,
These bottles are rattling in the living room
You see they have put shackles on her heart,
She can't love anymore
Without having ***** in her water bottle.

Where is she hiding her beer?
I feel like my mother is giving me a scavenger hunt
From the shards of glass that were left on the baseball fields
My mother used to take me to.

You know she always wasn't like this
She was strong minded and had a big heart
Tonight I will tell you the story of a woman
Who lost her soul to the Keystones to the Miller Lites
To the ****** Mary’s.
Let's rewind time
See ******* the soul in ten years

10- I look into my mother's eyes and I start to cry
Because I'm looking at a woman who I don't know anymore

9- I refused to bail her out of jail again
Because I'm afraid her kidney will fail if she drinks again

8- My mother staggered into the theater and disrupted the whole play,
My cast mates turned to me and asked, isn't that your mother?

7- I had to hold my mothers hand
Because she was throwing up the cocktail of drugs and alcohol

6- Daddy had to get mom out of jail she was drinking again

5- My mother throws the bottle across the room
And told me the reason why she drinks is because I'm Autistic

4- My mother overslept for my piano recital,
I didn't think it was a big deal
But I remember she spent the whole night crying
With a wine glass in her hand.

3- Mommy I didn't know your prescription came in a needle

2- Mommy the prescription say 2 pills a day
why are you taking 6?

1- My mother went to the doctor
Found out that she has Rheumatoid Arthritis
I don't know what that means,
But I know she will still be strong right?

0- She took me to a Dodger game for my birthday.
I remember Sammy Sosa hitting a home run that game
She told me that the only person that can **** your soul is yourself
Why
What is wrong with me
What is it that I am doing wrong
Why do I feel this way
Why do I have so much pain
Am I good enough to have him
Am I who he wants to be with
Some days I feel so useless
Some days I don't feel pretty enough
What am I doing
What can I do
Why can't I make him see what he is doing to me
Why don't I just leave
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