Crisp leaves, cold air. Sunny day, gold and orange. London fog with some pumpkin seeds. I'm a travel up this mountain to watch the world set. My hoodie and some marshmallows in the backseat. Bonfire with s'mores ready to eat. Autumn views is a bless. Airs so chill and crisp I'd love nothing more than this.

I've got plenty of reality checks with my life.
My guts let me know I'm getting treated right.
Toxic dreams fill my head, daydreaming of a new reality buried my goals dead.
It's always the most determined people falling
I've never dragged anyone down with me
I'll do my own thing
In a corner documenting a lesson learned
Put reality checks to ashes and watch toxic dreams burn

I've been here for so long!
Struggling far to long
I've turned on my radio
Relating lyrics to my story
Chest sore I begin to worry
I've given everything my best
Learned the tougher route needing to rest
I've got just enough cash for a snack
A drink and ready to chill and relax
Micky D's on my mind
Might impulsively go to town
Jamming my music loud
Screaming some lyrics and watching the clouds drift over me
I've been in the dark too long!
Comforts gone wrong
Empty phone
Dry conversations
Awkward situations
May put on a movie
Something thrilling possibly scary
Maybe bittersweet or comedy
But first,
turn off my radio I may go cruise
A cheap beater brought me amuse
Skittles and mountain dew
Popcorn M&Ms too
Gummies with chips or hot cheetos
A slow day is my future goals

Not going to pretend I'm playing
I've joked but I still have you praying
Ignore what I'm saying
Mess with me, lyrically I start slaying
Give it a minute, you'll beg for me to quit it
Need a coffin? I put a mask on daily and I'm not coughin
By the time I'm done you'll have some symptoms
If embarrassment was contagious you'll get infected
Bet you'd feel neglected
Should of respected
Now I stand corrected
Critical thinking?
I'll give you a life jacket before you start sinking
What are you drinking?
This is boring
Wake me when I start snoring
I hear coughin
I'm coffin knockin
Bury you down and haven't even gone a foot deep
Pressure builds through your chest because your opinion ran cheap
You're ******* contagious and you're giving everyone the wrong symptom
About to make you my new victim
I've got four by four
Bout to bury you under this floor
About to be easy to ignore
A coffin full of new symptoms
Collecting victims
Need a new shovel
Bout to work another double
So leave your message on my voicemail
About to show these followers what it's like to fail
Before you even talk about it
In silence for a minute
Carving your name in your new home
Might be further than six feet so you're not alone

That's okay that I'm fired
I wouldn't want to be re-hired
File against me I'll tell you my side
Trusting vulnerability?
I don't care what they have to say about me
I realized my ***** ups,
I know my worth
Good things happen for people who are willing to work
Buried that double face crap into the dirt
I'll smile pretty for the camera next time
At least I saw the job through
Cheers to a new issue
Shots fired but I'm bullet proof
Not like I have anything to lose

Sitting in the office anxiety rushing through my chest.
Whatever happens is a lesson not a regret
Most of been a good thing I left.
No om not about to look back,
I'm a move forward and **** the ignorant people that mock me and laugh

You think it's easy to offend me?
I'll end it quickly.
I'm honestly pretty happy, dont need anyone to be so pity.
Always down for some drinks
I could careless what anyone thinks.
I'm a enjoy my side of the fence
Because I ain't bout to pick a side
Go ahead and judge me
Not everyone can be satisfied
I'll always be someones bad guy
I'll be here watching from my side
With a cold one
To be honest my side is pretty fun

I need a topic, going mad I cant stop it.
Ideas going dry, thoughts telling me goodbye.
Wished I knew better, about to write myself a letter.
Throwing thoughts into a shredder.
Need a topic
Wished my creative thoughts didn't stop it
I hold myself off my ground
Needed to walk the road all the way down
I've lost it, all I needed was a good topic
Now I'm here missing the way I use to write
Always wishing for the light

I'm a do better again, fix myself so I'm not so broken. Always predicted the worse. For the longest time I thought it was a curse.
I see it differently now. Voices too loud.
I'm just trying to make myself proud.
I've got to make it, I'm not here to fake ****.
I'm a do better for my health. **** that fame and wealth.
I've got a drink in my hand and people by me. That's all I ever need. I'm a succeed.
Drop the last ****** that hurt me.  But I'm a not waste all my time fighting.
I've got to make it. I have to avoid certain ****.
Do your worse, I'm no longer under a curse.
I'll burry your punk **** into the dirt. I know my worth. I'm a stay busy and go to work.

I miss the way I use to be,
Miss being happy. The thought of it destroyed the world of mine. I'm just exhausted but giving it time.
Come home and rest, listen to my heart where your head is about to rest. Ignore that regret, just pretending again that she hasn't left.
I'm not ever going to forget the things we wrote. Now we clear our paths and swallow the ego down our throat. Forget I've ever called while I blackout, just hung over the feelings before my eyes caused a drought.
With this drink, with this thought. I've struggled and fought. Now I'm on my own, empty phone.
I use to believe I was always the one. Looking back I've always been dumb. Not even close I've been done. Letting the blood run. That's what we call too deep, about to drink and cry myself to sleep.
Tell me I'm nothing, cry about the past. Hitting up random partners in Hope's I wouldn't leave so fast. Now I'm dead inside. Find me a new safe place to hide.
Started off with long talks, upgraded to long walks. We've sat back all night, laughing without a single fight. Include the hope and the perfect distraction. A perfect attraction. Grew closer and grew up a lot.
Got our first car, first home.
Same matching phone.
Went homeless together, nothing mattered because we knew how to feel better.
Why did I end me? What a dark reality.
Stood as one, made love and ignored everyone. Family got closer to you and I.
The distance was arms reach but to far.
Now I'm crying in a car. Bottle in one hand and a cigarette in the next. Time flew and sometimes I forget you're now my ex.
I get caught up daydreaming, now I am about to do some day drinking.

Not like you're daydreaming
Can't trust anyone with anything
Like mountain I become cold
Forget the rumors you've been told
***** getting too old
I'll be climbing to the top
Viewed the disappointment y'all dropped
Views great, tumble my way down before it gets late.
Fresh water, damp thoughts
Words a bit dehydrated
I'm hydrate in my own
I'm not ignorant I'm fully grown
I'd much rather be on my own

All it takes is a little effort with some time,
Something that replays the back of your mind.
Somedays it feels no different and some days you seek true comfort in your efforts.
I've cleaned up my mess and tried to seek success
But failure demands itself.
Sometimes the best achievements requires true failure.
Little inspiration goes a long way
Swinging my life to make the achievement
I've got to sign a personal agreement
I've got a new goal and I'm will to do whatever it takes

This job is toxic to me
I may have said and done some things but I am only one person.
I will not allow anyone to hurt me,
But I can not always be on guard
Lifes tough, catching up on Bill's is hard
Everyone forgot to stick together
I just need time and something better
This job was supposed to be temporary
Now I suffer in silence
I get twice the anxiety
I no longer have trust
Apparently I'm full of disrespectful
And disappointment
This job needs a new arrangement
How am I to do my job with a audience out for me to make a flaw?

I don't know
Feels like I'm speaking to a ghost
What's killing me the most?
I guess insecurities got the best of me
What do you mean a check from reality?
Taxes beyond debt
But ***** it I'm spend my regret
Having fun yet?
Family before life
Spend some time and get some buzzing vibes tonight

One second they're close
But then they're a ghost
So much for loving the most
Emptiness is my life
Sippin on a desire that'd never treat me right
I've always had backs
I've always been there to help backtrack
Where's the same for me?
A couple of ranting sessions for me to get ignored
Bout to just boot out and drink till I hit the floor
Funny how things change
I'm not the one running away.
I make time
I make a difference
Now I'm supposed to drop **** for your convenience
Sick of the manipulating games want to maybe cry about it?
I'll cut you off and change the subject
Tell me what it's like to get no where because I'm a love it

I heard that I'm too lazy, you don't understand what I do to me. Let me tell you what I think of you. I don't think you'll understand what I'm about to do.
I put on mad work ethic, and I'm to be lazy or pathetic?
Last I checked I put in the work, weather I'm feeling good or worse.
I dont cry or complain about mental or physical pain. I find my jaw and lay down the business.
I ***** my sleep schedule to make it easier. Now you take it away from me and take it for granted.
Bye, bye.
I'm a watch you burn down, I'm smiling because I know I'm safe and sound.
I treated the knives on my back and ditching you to round two
Open calling in with a little headache
Have fun I'm on break
And now I'm drop down to part time :p
Have fun dissing my hard work
Because I'm the better one

If I tell you I love you that normally means you're part of my life. Not in love or nothing crazy like that. Just want you all to feel right. I dont expect a love you back. Just know I got your back.
I love you means I can look you in the eye and know that I will do everything in my power to not let you down.
We're all looking for comfort to be safe and sound.
The world full of BS predictions and ******* up situations.
No money for food on the table
Hard work to feel disabled
We all must need to remember we're all human and need to stick together the way we all should.
Love you and wish I can help a little
I know every little helps, especially for mental health.
We all suffer from something
So let's not lose ourselves over nothing.

Working overtime restless
Got suspended for being exhausted
Critical mind consumes my performance
Work ethic too "poor"
Lost overtime and much more
What do you want from me

I put in 70 hours in 5 days
Got a weekend off to receive a text I'm suspended and lost that overtime pay
What was the point?
About to walk out because y'all are too petty
Don't need something fake or two faced

Can't tell me I don't know what I am doing.
Don't tell me I'm ignorant because I've committed myself.
I've done jobs no one else will do.
Exhausted and blood thirsty
Don't come near me
You think I'm afraid of being jobless?
Not afraid to go out hunting
I'll always come home to something
Don't test me
It can get pretty ugly
What was the point of working overtime to go back to none
I'm just about done

Picked up nothing, in high Hope's to drop something. Always on the move.
Don't wake me up, I'm dreaming my next nightmare. Drink with me because I no longer care. Let's just forget about time.
Everyone I've known lost themselves with alcohol. Hoodies and chasers was a necessity for them all.
Like curtain I block the light to be alone and cold. Dim lights feel like gold.
I believe I'm ready for my next mistake,
In high Hope's the outcome gets great.
I dropped something, and picked up nothing.

I don't suffer with jealousy.
Just having bad anxiety.
I predict, watch myself commit.
I'm a be the end if me.
Plans change all the time, for what though?
That's fine, I'll get over it.
I'm at my best with no one by my side anyway.
Nothing affects me, not having jealousy.
Being a concerned friend is now considered jealousy and butting into business?
Forget I said **** then.
Excuse me while I go close myself because I was beginning to be open.

There is just some things I don't speak of. There isn't a way out of darkness. You've just got to light a match, sometimes you run out of matches or cross a dud. I am not saying I can't handle life alone because I know I can. But I don't want too. I use to believe if I seem like I'm the toughest man around I use to believe I was untouchable. But I was never afraid of losing a fight, I was afraid of causing harm to someone who doesn't deserve to be harmed no matter how rude the person is. We're all just trying to get by, and that's all we can do is try. I was a liar, a cheater, I use to fight, drink, etc. But I was trying to feel something different or find a temporary escape. Always was afraid. Something bothers me, I find the positives or make the best out of it. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel a **** thing. Always was harming myself because it was a challenge to feel a different kind of pain. Flesh heals, bones heal. But feelings do not. I'd much rather take physical pain anyday rather than to suffer in silence.

Toxic sweets
Why am I doing this to me?
I can't help to eat sweets out of stress
What a heavy regret
Overweight again
Feeling heavily broken
I cut out the bad
Lose like 4 pounds to gain a higher weight
Tears begin to break
Too late?
Always working, hardly sleeping
Been busy
Why me?

This wouldn't work
We've been to hurt
It's the worst
Not much worth
Falling down, needed you gone
But I'll still be around
Just as long as if I'm safe and sound
Been all up and down this road
***** everyone
I'm about to be done
Rebound? My rebound is a drink
Don't care what anyone thinks
It's all me
Just trying to be happy
In these walls I'm no longer welcomed
Not meant to be for me to have my own home
Always alone
Empty phone
Always broke

I need some space.
Take me to a beautiful place.
Sit alone in silence.
Let the sound if nothing mute me.

I'm a climb a tree
Start form the bottom
Reconizing the hard work before I get to the top
But because I'm one top doesn't mean I've made it
Have to reconize failure is a motivator
I'm watch the sunset in Hope's to see the stars later

You're not ugly
We've all got that beautiful personality
You've got it all
Why dont you believe anyone?
Pocket full of personality
No one needs the insecurities in this reality
You're beautiful
Wish I can Express the witness lyrically.
People need to take a minute to reconize your smile
I swear the world stops for a while
You need to reconize what you've got
Come on darling you've got all the beauty and what not.

Finally home, all alone
Alcohol consumed me
Pack a smokes beside me
I'm in panic mode
Tears flooding the carpet
Turn on the bath to cry under water
Screaming and bleeding thinking of you
Trapped under a blanket
Sobbing next to mama's pills
I'm at the bottom of the world
Missing the presents I bought for a girl
Every memory is like a war
That framed picture changed my feelings so I'm a lock my door
I cant take it anymore
This alcohol is my low key antidepressant
I swear I'm not so ignorant
Dear daddy I've been trying to change
But I'm weak and vulnerable
No one by me, nobody to hold me
I miss the love I've once had.
There is no going back.
I use to improve out with mamas pills, slap them on my tongue to flirt with death
I've got a date with depression so I'm spit them out and rest.

Must of been fake
Did I swipe right on click bait?
Kind of hard to find a date.
Am I that ugly? Or did they heart me accidentally?
I'm coming home from a shift, notifications spamming me with surrounding and hardly any selfies.
The more I try the more I'm left on read.
Might as well delete the app instead.
Maybe I'm trying too hard, am I going too far?
My conversations weak, I end up questioning and then I get ignored. This is a rough reality check I'm getting bored.
Who's low key into me?
Step up I dont talk down on anyones insecurities
I'm played back, always on snapchat.
So let's talk about it, before I flat out quit.

I lose my grip
I miss her lip
I need to quit
She's still beautiful, she was the only one that gave me compliments everyday.
I need to improve right now
My emotions and voices getting to loud
I can't message anyone about this
People will get annoyed and so sick
I just want to feel safe again, sick of feeling so broken
That sweet sound of her voice
She is the one that hurt and left and made that impulsive choice
Now I'm here suffering in silence.
Everyone leaves me on read
I've got these dark temptations screaming in my head
I'm crawl, I fall, I don't see at all, I bawl.
I just wish I could replace my heart as fast as she did

I need my night light
Darkness has me panicking in fright
The darkness has me walking
I feel like something stalking
Is it my deepest fear? Is danger near?
My heart rising, absolutely no lighting.
Someone get me out of here

I can't describe this feeling.
I've got this anxiety
Can't cooperate with this poor society
Took a lot of things for granted
I'm hoping to relocate to a different planet
This anxiety took me away from society
I try to be happy, Caught myself acting.
Perfomance without a spotlight
Music without the notes
My world is giving me options, dont want to stop them
This anxiety, the false hope
Wished I hadn't been so broke
But guess what? I've got to be okay I've got no choice
Allow me to attempt to rejoice
**** the way I feel, time to restart again

I wish I was okay, wish I had comfort today
Wish I had love on it's way
But I'm alone, drama blowing up my phone
***** it I'm drinking when i get home
I need a break, I'm have a mental ache
Sick of the job already, everyone is just way to pity.
I need some time, to make things right
Especially for my mental health
A perfect distraction because I'm in hell
I struggle with anxiety, always overthinking. My life feels like I'm sinking. So I started drinking.
I just wish it wasn't hell

You think I'm a stalking creep?
Do you even know me?
On top of all of this you posted anonymously
That's low key funny
Sounds to me you're focused on some flaws
Bet you don't know me at all
Why not confront me?
Why anonymously?
Two faced little ****,
People should quit
I don't have haters, I've got fans.
These fans are big on my flaws, especially when they think they know me
Bet they had it easy
I shouldn't assume, but apparently that's what petty people do
A bunch of followers but no one leading
I'm doing it on my own and succeeding
I should warn you, I'm the one supporting worlds and working **** through
I know for a fact I'm atleast loud do to my actions

I'm a need a drink, a sip that's comforting. I dont want to think, I just want to be buzzing.
Loud music, a bonfire, a group and positive vibes for an all nighter.
Let's all chug a drink, lose ourselves shot after shot. Meet a greet and having a drink. Cheers to life, going to get a buzz going till it feels right.
Playing some games, a swing of a bottle till I go insane. Where's my drink, I'd love to not think. Where's the homies at? I'm a hit up the vibes and avoid a backtrack
A drink so pure, I want to sip till I cant feel it anymore. It's amazing to have a drink, before I know it alcohol consumes me.

Don't come crying to me, when you don't listen to me. We all have a little anxiety, caught up in agaony, this is reality.
We're all going through vulnerability, just sail away at sea.
Last time I was caught up I found myself not following my own advice. Now I'm my own victim. Alcohol drinking me, cigarettes smoking me.
We're all going to feel alone
We all have a empty phone
No matter what the case maybe
We get caught up daydreaming