Remember all I said?
Forget it.
Remember from that day?
Forget me.
Remember that stuff about us?
Forget you.
Remember who we used to be?
I'm forgetting.
Remember all I tried to say?
Forgive it.
Remember all that from today?
Forgive me.
Remember all that stuff about you?
Forgive you.
Remember what we are now?
I'm forgiving.

I am not old, yet.

My skin is not powdery and white, see-through like a paper lantern.

But there is a part of me which

When I dare to reach for someone I love

Reaches with brittle ***** fingers, soft and cold and fluttering like white moths

That edge closer to a flame until they catch.

There is a part of me that feels old, and fragile.

And already even in the crest of my youth I’ve cursed this body

For its frailty, its needs.

It suffers and complains, always crying out for something,

Never sated, never still.

I’ve said it feels like living inside a porcelain doll

A look, and cracks can spider out along an arm,

A word and blood can bloom beneath the surface, seeping up into

Bruised pictures and symbols.

I must always be gentle,

I must always be

Watching.

Too passionate, and fissures form, marring the cheek, spreading like shadows thrown by a lace curtain.

I stare out, burning to touch everything,

And yet I pull back:

To dare is to risk, and I’ve seen

Both reward and loss.

I have seen a thousand shining colors spread across me like sunrise,

Warming my skin,

Calling to me like prayer until a bit of light escaped through the spaces between my atoms and reached another person’s palms,

But I have also seen the pale, flat shards of myself,

Sifted through white dust in dismay

For a salvageable portion.

Indeed, there are rooms in this world where sharp edges of me still linger

Waiting in obstructed corners and beneath heavy refrigerators

To gouge a foot or snag a hem,

Interred

In the dark and hollow places where they flew when I shattered and could not gather them all.

I have known

Intimately

My own fragility,

How maddeningly breakable I am

And how difficult to mend.

And there is a part of me now, always,

Which whispers to me when I would be bold,


“You are not old, yet.

But wouldn’t you just love

To live that long?”

When I was young,
I'm afraid to draw in
a white canvas.
Afraid to smear dirt on it.
Afraid to even try to draw a line.
Afraid, just afraid.

When I got brave
enough to draw a line.
I tried to draw at the back of
every calendar leaves that
my Mom tears down.
Afraid, still afraid.

When I got old enough
to be adventurous in life.
I bought pencils,
colored ones to try putting
colors in my drawings.
Afraid, very afraid.

Until One day,

I don't want to
draw anymore.

Not even a line.
Not even a dot.

I got broken.

I have a lover
He's my best friend undercover

I've known him since junior high
He's my childhood sweetheart there's no deny

He's been my backbone
Through thick and thin never letting me stand alone

He's tall, handsome, long, he's exciting especially after a good night of *** igniting

When I eat a wonderful supper
Oh yeah he's there with a Dr Pepper

My lover knows my husband
Shhh don't worry he knew when he auditioned

My lover was with me when I got the news
I have to tell my lover that it's over before the cruise

We have been inseparable since we was eleven
It's really hard to let him go twenty-four seven

I'm gonna have to be strong and let my lover go
I bet he'll say no

I love you, don't leave me
Because we'll be off key

My lover has a name
I'm not ashamed

I've been playing Russian roulette
I call him cigarette

I've worked so hard
to blend into the woodwork
I knitted myself
an invisibility cloak
and I wear it
everywhere I go

because if they can't
see me
then they can't hurt me

one of these days
when my nightmares
stop killing me

maybe I will begin
to reappear again