find it so simple to push one idea,
way of life,
(you)
away, and hop on board another
i still hate the way you play
even more now that i hear myself in it.
your creativity always astounded me...

"each one teaches me something"
so i say
while i slowly realize i share in all of their worst qualities
boredom and pride
attachment and irrationality
introversion and doubt [your recent contribution]

the days are different
consistently inconsistent
discouragement encouraged
hating the waiting
wading in uncertainty
grandiose plans
what is this rate of success?
latecomer
shooting for the moon
still too of earth
trying to transcend
when

satiate this all-encompassing madness you pull me into
of mind of body of object of desire
p       e       r        s       p        i         r         e
wake me only to take me
to no divide
no give, no take
only to
Be
one
pulse

i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶e̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶a̶l̶r̶e̶a̶d̶y̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶e̶a̶r̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶p̶r̶a̶c̶t̶i̶c̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶m̶p̶e̶t̶i̶t̶i̶o̶n̶s̶ ̶g̶r̶e̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶e̶a̶c̶h̶e̶r̶s̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶c̶e̶r̶t̶ ̶s̶c̶h̶e̶d̶u̶l̶e̶s̶ ̶l̶a̶b̶e̶l̶s̶ ̶t̶i̶t̶l̶e̶s̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶e̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶i̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶r̶e̶t̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶e̶f̶f̶o̶r̶t̶l̶e̶s̶s̶ ̶g̶r̶a̶v̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶f̶i̶g̶u̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶l̶i̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶e̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶a̶d̶d̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶t̶r̶i̶b̶u̶t̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶l̶k̶ ̶a̶w̶a̶y̶

gravitate towards the people the music the places the questions the books the energies the food the sounds the ideas that inspire you combined with the daily effort to be better than yesterday [better than five hours ago] better than the last recording achieve technical reliability and consistency with knowledge and experience absorb all but forge your own path "I am not a rat in a maze" I am not them I am me allow me to show you what that looks feels and sounds like

~wake
enthralled
determined.
h    o     u    r     s     together seem minutes
running full speed ahead >>>>>>>>>>> !
holding on tightly, trying to learn to let go
escaping the tension
{i must eliminate it altogether}

a click of the heels...
and how my fingers feel!


                                                        m­y man or my art?

[both] happening *Now.

please stop undermining your
                          convictions
               knowledge
       opinions
they are there due to genuine care.

~integrity, steadiness, honesty, clarity~
you know the components...
use them!

wonder not, "what if"
but think, i can

a minute used to create the excuse
is better spent showing them why you
do not need one.

                         you know
                            you can

"demand to play what you want to hear"

fine lines
b e  t   w    e     e      n
striving for greatness
and belittling the progress
setting a goal
but chastising the process
unclear on what to offer
and convincing yourself it's currently {nothing}
tempering ego  or
                            Ego >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>                   ((destroys it all))
                            tempting?
taming              ­          
              or      
                            sha­ming                                **?