Before I was born,
My mother wanted to name her child Kaitlyn
As the firstborn,
That should have been me

Kaitlyn was my mother's favorite name
But as soon as I was born
She looked at me
I just took one look
And realized,
I could never be her Kaitlyn

Three years later  she tried again
Now her Kaitlyn was born
A beautiful,
Happy,
Innocent little girl.

My mother calls me
"The trouble child"
I cause trouble
I am not good enough
I am not her Kaitlyn

Now I am named Nicole
My mother wanted her child to be Kaitlyn
She loved the name Kaitlyn
Was I not good enough?
Why was I not her Kaitlyn?

she is not the kind of girl
that deserves to be left out in the cold...
she is not the kind of girl
that deserves to be taken for granted....

yet she'll set herself alight to keep someone else warm.
yet she'll allow herself to be forgotten, just to see someone else smile.

she is not the kind of girl that deserves to be treated this way.
maybe she'll get what she really deserves some day.

sometimes i regret almost,
most things,
most thoughts
and,
most actions,

but,
my feelings,
are what I regret,
more than anything,
else in the world,

and,
sorry I can't,
fix the damage,
I've done,

to you,
others,
and,
to myself.

We live in a nation where
People prefer to fall asleep
Holding their phones
Instead of their partners
And we wonder why
Romance is dying.

How many years
Have I been dreaming
About sleepy kisses
With you?

For at least a week my Mom kicked me out
so I stayed with my very best guy friend
I am glad I decided to go home with him
I had so much fun hanging out with him
He listened to me when I was upset
I had a lot of things on my chest
When I was tired he would hold me in his arms
as we both let our minds rest
All I had with me were my clothes
and clothes was all I needed
All we did was lay around, watch movies to catch up on sleep and we succeeded
I really liked Saturday night
when we baby sat a couple of bad seeds
We sat at the table barking orders
as he taught me how to play speed
We talked about him and his girlfriend
we stayed up late watching Nick @ Nite
He would sit outside with me as I smoked
while the moon shone so bright
The best part about my stay
was having him to myself
I learned he will always be there for me
I would never find him in anyone else
I also realized how blessed I am
to have a great friend like him
I know he will always stick by my side
and for that I will always cherish him

I wish I could take away your pain
I hate to see you cry
I really want to make you feel better
but you got to let me try
I do not like seeing you angry
it upsets me as well
I do not like worrying if you are okay or not
but lately I can never tell
I hope things get better for you
I do not like seeing you stressed
I know I can't make everything better
I am really trying my best
All I can do is be here for you
Try my hardest to not let you down
Just know that whenever you need me
I will always be around