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Blows to the head,
One, two, three.
I'd rather have my brains scattered
Than my dreams.
He told me to keep quiet.
That if I made anything resembling a sound,
I'd be sorry.
Little did he know,
I already was.
I promised her I quit this life.
That I would stop begging
For love.
No, for drugs.
I had dreams once.
I wanted to become a writer.
I'd write about where I'd been,
What I'd gone through.
Except I'm still living it.
I slipped, missed a payment.
Forgot some, here and there.
I ended up bleeding on a sidewalk,
Drenched in fear.
I wonder what she'd think
If she saw me this way,
Battered and beaten,
Like a stray.
I wonder what I would have accomplished
If I just listened, and stayed
With her.
If only I just listened to her.
But now all I can hear is
My heartbeat pounding in my ears
And the countless blows to my head,
One, two three.
The sound of a man
Beating the life out of me.
And then I slowly feel the last of my dreams
Slip away.
In *ones, two's, and three's.
Sunlight poured through the window, and laid across his chest.
I liked to watch as it came and went.
I wish he knew how beautiful he was this way.
So peaceful.
So captivating.
So harmless.
Perfect.
Beams of light
Creeping in
Slowly, softly
Like the way a feather
Falls to the ground
Slowly, softly
The sun rises,
The most gentle star
Slowly, softly
Start your day
With positivity
**Slowly, softly
He told me how he
Got his scars,
So I told him about
My past lovers

The ones who abused me,
The ones who confused me,
The ones who I thought were
"The one"

We laid in the dark room
Under the blanket
Softly caressing one another
Speaking tongues of love

He's always loved me,
And I've always been
Too afraid to admit my
Feelings towards him

We're getting closer again
And even though I know
He would never hurt me,
I'm scared

I'm scared to love again
And I'm scared of attachment.
I'm scared of jealousy, anxiety
And things going wrong

But as we laid in
The dark together,
I could hear in his voice
How much he wanted me

I can't help but think that
Maybe, just maybe
I want him, too.
Sometimes pain
Will leave a scar.

Don't pick at it,
Leave it be
And watch
Yourself heal.

One day you
Will see how
Strong it has
Made you
You were my dreams
Every shooting star
Every candle blown out
Every 11:11
They were all spent
On you
I.

Thoughts are now constant
Never stopping, circling
Driving me insane

II.

What if this, if that?
I know I can't change the past
But I still wonder
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