I watch them perform
their perfect storm of words
heard by the snappiest
of listeners, greeting
this odd cadence with reverence
there is a right way to do this
and in spite of my knowing that
I choose rhyme, sowing my
failure into each line, fine
with the results because
I'm not sure I love
what I'm hearing but
searing in my mind is
not the need for spiting
this form, but a seed of
love for what I'm writing.

A slap across the face,
my thoughts' palm imprinted
all over my battered body,
beating me with every
judgement, steamrolling past
any rational compassion,
lashing out at any
dangling fruit, mangling
my esteem on a minute level.
Disheveled, I can see
I'm a mess from my latest
abuse, and I gently put
bandaids on bruises,
take rest, attempting to
set broken bones with time,
unwilling to perform
the work that would truly heal
instead of a quick feel of relief,
because until this belief is gone,
that I'm worth less than
any and everyone else, come
forth all imaginable injury,
all infection and poison,
rejection of self-love,
in favor of sickness and
pain, please someone explain:
is happiness even real?

Joy has become a fairy tale
to me, and as a child I'm
starting to realize the stories
aren't true, they don't
apply to you, this
contentment remains a
concept, illusory, not adept
to application in my
reality, and I'm just
here waiting and reading
the tales of peace
while my mind beats
and breaks, pinches
and punches, brings me to
my knees with a gun
to my heart, always
cocked, safety off,
and at this point
I'm screaming to just
pull the trigger, I
figure being over is
more tolerable, after all,
I can't disappoint
if I'm not here, don't need
to fear falling short,
appalling the masses near
and far, if i've traveled
where I don't feel or know,
If I've gone where
my thoughts can't go.

I see her lower lip
Curve downwards
To form a circle with
Her scrunched chin,
A slight tremor
Turns to a quake,
A shake, and I feel
My heart break-
How dare I, so
Meanly, suggest she
May need a nap,
Take her from my
Lap to a little bed,
When I know the pain,
The dread, that may
Ensue instead of
Deep sleep and an
Hour's time to keep
A semblance of sanity?,
Oh the vanity
Of a mother! I
Apologize profusely
To her wet eyes,
Cries start to calm
As fat cheeks get
Pressed with sweet
Kisses, tears are
Wiped gently, I relent
My selfish aim and
Ask a now tame,
Tiny one, whose face
Could rule my world,
Hurled out of existence
And back by the mere
Crack of a voice,
What's wrong, little
One, what can I do?
Sun and Moon, it's
All for you and
Should you choose
To refuse your rest,
I offer my breast,
This chest is best when
Given to you,
As all the rest of me has been,
Again and again and
Again

when is it cute
and when is it not
to not give you exactly
what I know gets you hot

to reject the question behind
your eyes and deny,
push away with both hands
and step back spry

to see the care
you're asking for
and let it drop steadily
to smash on the floor

mind your own needs
and swallow your pills
i can't be your throat
you have your own free will

to walk so far
away from me flat,
you won't need to look
on this ugliness that

refuses you
just for the sake of it
slaps you in the face
just to see if you'll hit

and then when you do
i'll have reason to run,
would it still be my fault
when it's over and done?

push you to the brink
while i sink behind thoughts
of how unbearably cold
this love is, i've wrought

Faith in our connection
Acceptance, direction flexible
Thoroughly affectionate, enjoying
Heralding the strengths of others
Eliciting the best in yourself,
Rarity in curiosity and joy
Loyal, steadfast, logical
You bring a sense of hope and love.
…..
We share much in common
In humor, disposition, energy
Stay with me, I said over again
Dad, stay, come home, be here
Over again, I have desired your company and
Moreover again, you have been with me.
…..
Find me hiding behind curtains
Remind me of my strength
Intelligence and heart
Erupt into laughter and wipe my tears
Next to you, safe and warm
Delighted in, genuine
Loving eyes light up over clasped hands
Your signature sign of overwhelming joy.
…..
Before, now, and later
Layers of friendship bind, and
Into the light of futures unknown
Say you'll be with me,
Stay with me, I say over again.

Please love me, find me likeable,
Capable as I am of gaining your
Disinterest, pain yourself with
Patience, as I try to age like
Wine, fine at first but better,
Letters escape my fingers down my
Pen when I fear I'll lose you
Again, so please love me, cradle
And steady my ready tears and
Quivering lips, smears of disgust
Rust away in the iron wool
Of your soul accepting mine,
Even when I'm just fine.
And nothing more,
Pour a little faith
In my cup
Before I run dry,
Try as I may
To water this
Cactus, she ******
Herself too much,
Flicks hands away
Like flies, stay
And see, the
Flailing will
Pass, trailing
Past is a
Gentleness unseen
By most but may
You last to toast my
Layers, boast of my good deeds,
Seeds that may
Grow more cacti
In this love desert
Where it may
Rain, as it feigns death

Untethered, untethered,
Feathers fall away, this
Ugly bird can't fly
Anymore, before the
Dreams to soar seemed
So close--bore yet
Another audience
With your unfulfilled
Aspirations, perspiration
Is my fountain of youth,
Truth bringing me salty
Foolishness, grab my
Wrists and force me,
Please don't ease
Me in, course success
Through my veins,
An IV, try me,
I'll consent to the
Harshest treatment
If it meant time spent
Bleeding love.
Come at me, give me everything
You've got, I've a lot,
To see for myself
How red my blood is before
I bleat, far too much,
Far too late,
Fate doomed me,
Sisyphus pushing my
Hopeful Boulder up
A hill of predictability,
Only to *** with a frown
When it comes crashing back down.