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Tears now because you wake up in the same life you went to sleep hoping you could run away from.. Opening up but scared of shutting down . you're given a chance , how could they possibly understand , how could  they know what life is like when everything for you is black . Telling you it's natural , If it's natural when why am I the only one in the group who feels like this . Why am I the only one who cannot tell when someone does Care, when someone is honestly there to Listen. Warning them to not get close because the life you live is not one you'd like to burden anyone with. Protecting them because they cannot protect you , it is over because you've learned how to control the only thing that could make you better , learning how to turn those dreams into writing because you are no longer able to fight , and that one person still remains out of sight..
 Oct 2014 Nan Trapp Messer
Olivia
Oh god
I miss you
so much.
 Oct 2014 Nan Trapp Messer
Unkown
I love you as if you were mine
forever, giving you time
I love as if you love me too
however, in this dream, I am not a fool
I love you as my very own soul
keeping you closer than my bones.

I love you as if you aren't mine
always, begging for your time
I love you as  if you didn't love me back
together, me and my pain are very sad
I love you as if you were the cause of my death
I love you as if  you took my last breath.

If I could go back in time
I probably wouldn't do it
because even your hurtful words were like
addictive music
If I could go back in time and save my life
I probably wouldn't save it
because without your love, I know I'd hate it
If I could gamble a way to have a lovely life
I probably wouldn't bet
cause  my life began when we met

slowly dying
yet, I'm knowing
there's so much more to life
yet, I'm stuck in a rut
that without you, it will ****
and the pain lingers day and night


you've done the unthinkable
you've killed me, without taking me whole.
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