i wish 5.27.25 (5:53 pm / 18:53)
i wish you would let me starve myself
i wish you didn’t feed me so carefully
i’ll be happier if you let me not eat

i want to be smaller than small
skinnier than skinny
weightless, i want to fly

i want the scale to go downdowndown
little moments of glee and triumph,
smaller and thinner and skinnier

swim coach seems to notice
she can see most of my ribs
that was a glorious moment

i wish you would let me go further,
drop farther,
if only

deleting poems 6.29.25 (6:32 pm / 18:32)
there were happy poems i wrote
apparently three thousand happy words
that i deleted

i couldn't look at them anymore

I now close this door,
like a chapter marked
by dead ends
and trial and error.

Now, stepping ahead,
I open a door unknown.

I don't write when iam happy
Joy makes me dance,not think
It fills my hands with flowers
Not pens.

But sadness?
She sits me down,
Open my chest,
And spills the ink.

Language states
music suggests
between the two
the latter has greater depth