people change and smile
but the agony abides

happiness awhile
but then it runs and hides

isolation's longest mile
emptiness elides

no desire for guile
the Buddha sleeping on his side


                                               tiredness

Will I live in a book?
Will she read it on the train?
Her hair dark and wavy
Late night home again

Fettuccini, a little red wine
She sleeps in a dark blue bed
Makeup on the counter
Giordano Bruno in her head

Volleyball at 16
And at 32
Shaves her legs near the sink
Teaches at Sophia U

If you meet her, say hello
2072
San Francisco Zen
Paris, parlez vous?

                  Size 7 shoe

Maggie’s Farm in Charlotte
  requests at Granny Brown’s
       insults to the sangha
         therefore, time now
            to throw down.

                Heed it well
                  Rebel Yell!

telepathy and numbers?
          dreams during slumbers
                    synchronistic wonders …


                            enigmatic

Caught in the cold rain
It's true - my life in vain
    

  Desafortunadamente

I've had a wish to be famous or known at times
And a fear of it as well

But what I most want is dearness.
To know I am loved and cared for.
And to love and care in return.

I have it at times, in places
But I also have chaos spaces

                 persistence!

The persistent longing for attention
But silences unfold
53 and falling
Losing keys, growing old

Kobayashi Maru
Kirk goes big and bold
Kobayashi Issa
June 15th I am told

Space Coast in Florida
He's gonna be an astronaut
St. Paul, Minnesota
She and I once fought

Emily left her fascicles
I took the taxi from Boston
Fine Arts Museum
Labyrinth I got lost in

Dylan in Orlando
Silences within ya
Mr. Poe in his museum
Halloween: Richmond, Virginia

                   Fame?

The short drive to the cemetery
Remembered by very few
At my best, at my best
The best that I could do

My sins die with me
And my proclivities
Charleston at night
Wind in willow trees

Monterrey with my children
Tidal pools on the beach
Once I was a teacher
But now I have nothing to teach

Vienna in the snow
San Francisco Zen
Reno far below
3710

        I die and disappear
                 But when?

When I was 19 years old
I did not want to be told
Life is Meaningless
And the only real question
Is the question of suicide

But I still do like Albert Camus
Rebellion against the Absurd
Unde Malum? Unheard.
By France allured.

Now I'm 53
The Absurd took chunks of me
Had to let her see
Fatherhood? Oui.Oui. Oui.

Harrisonburg is far from Algeria
Paris far from Satellite Beach
Like Simone Weil
I tried to teach

                Trappist 1!

Ireland was grey
A little like Seattle

Marriage: I can't say
Endless, endless battle

Bus to Malahide
Quaint and quiet and charming

One night in Belfast
Still a bit alarming

One year in Chicago
Irish eyes were smiling

Good Will Hunting
Not Harvard; just freestyling.

Alyosha - defender of humankind
indeed we need you now
the times have grown quite unkind
our worst usurps our best
we’re lost and hope to find
a way when there’s no way
the creative, communal mind.

The steps of dailiness
Are steps down Franklin Street

Bus rides and basketball
Students too to meet

Be strong my anxious heart
Be quick my weary feet

Do your best before you rest
No surrender. No retreat.

I deeply wished to see Angkor Wat
Was willing to do what it takes

The lesson that I learned?
How not to be afraid of Snakes

At the edge of paranoia at times
My bipolar mind careening
The need for humility
Take it easy. Take it slow.

Predatory terror
But also midnight blue true teening
Ocean waves in darkness
Softfall cedar snow

Time is not a line
The past is not forgotten
Delicious panang curry
37 below

The blue to black to moonlight
Moonlight glowing yellow
Stars come out to play
Yoko yo yo yo yo

                  Whoa! :)

My fantasies are female
Though they may well be delusions

She says that it’s all *******
Emotional confusions

Is man the rational animal?
Ah! But so many wars and cold contusions

What then of woman?
An animal inside illusions?

I dream of Dulcinea
My songs are my profusions

But then sadly back to silence
I wish she’d shake me with intrusions.

When writers die
They become books
After all
Not a bad incarnation

When poets die
They become songs, like birds
Resisting the Absurd
In libraries for staycations

Rieko and Takahiro in Tokyo
Leetal and Shai in Tel Aviv
Susan and John in Durham

   All brides are beautiful.

Say the Sufis

Muslim mystics, and the most succinct interpretation of Jesus' parable of the Prodigal Son I have ever heard.

a little lonesome quiet
        still yearning - who can deny it?
                 why the poems?

Because I wanted to try it.

tonight a cheap motel - not the Hyatt.
I’d like to see an anti-Republican
Revolution and riot.
The mob against their masters
Tear down the Wall, sell the scrap:
Let Trump buy it.

Said Karl Barth.

The Americans are racists
Darkness in their hearts

The Count of Monte Cristo
Not Napolean Bonaparte

No professional victims
Just poems in the night

Memories of train
Hopeless mystic flight

Things Not Seen
Things won't work out right

           Hence, our plight.

You can't possibly have read all these books.

Not one 10th of them.
I don't suppose you use
Your Sevres China every night!?

I'm drawn to myths and legends
Maybe because I fear time
Legolas the Elf
Cranberry juice with rhyme

Please forgive my trespasses
Help me forgive others
Quietness at home
Memories of our mothers

Some trauma in my past
Like so many people
Please keep Mark safe
Silence is my steeple

Help comes from my dad
I miss my brother Scott
Endurance when I'm sad
Rootbeer floats we bought

                    Yum!

The predatory terror in the natural world
Life is Suffering
Antelope Canyon
The joy that children bring

Much time alone
Phone, DVDs
Lonely cool before dawn
Try to show you what I sees

Lithium, Risperidol
Metformin, Hydroxyzine
The admittedly desperate hope
Bluegreen Things Not Seen

Read a lot of books
Nearly 18 years a teacher
In my solitude
I just cannot quite reach her

                     Denver!

no one actually understands
but is that really all that bad?

at least i saw Sacre Couer
and got to be a dad

when we were all together
best times I ever had

cycling in the Stockholm sun
balm in Gilead.

So I'm hangin' out at Urban Air
My son is playing dodge ball
Jumping on the trampolines
Saturday. Place is packed.

Lots of birthday parties:
Gwen. Aiden. Sophia.
Frederick, Maryland
Quite far from Iraq.

Or maybe not
I like falafel
Hummus and pita
Kobe and Shaq

Cambrian Cai is climbing
I rewatch the Batman
The rain keeps falling
Got my eye on CPAC

      The Empire? I strike back.

I don't rank high in society
I don't possess a PhD
I do like books, drink Thai tea
Wonder what will become of me?

A painful life, anxiety
Gratitude when I break free
Krop Kun Kop for my 3
Blue sky blue UNC

          Celtic Cross Toss?

                     Oui.

Ichiro Suzuki
Bert "be home" Byleven

Reading Mr. Clarke
(Kevin)

Amos 3:7

A coincidence. Not a cause.
Just a coincidence.

Dailiness please.

No talent for happiness
Is what Samuel Beckett said

I feared him when I was younger
Meaninglessness ahead

His Dublin bridge, behold the beauty
A Celtic harp where my feet led

As I walked the Irish night
Heard of rebels who fought and bled

I’ve known some joys, not just depression
But rebel songs, they are not dead

**** these racist phobic fascists
And, like Sam, resist instead!

Sometimes it lasts in love
Sometimes it hurts instead
Adele in her hotel
Me reclining on my bed

Solitary all day
Thinking thinking thinking
Text my middle son
Interstellar interlinking

Tomorrow a little Magic
Tonight a little sleep
The quiet is a kindness
Ben Shapiro is a creep

Baltimore not far away
My true love not near
Things are gonna slide
Holler if you hear

             Montreal!

Sometimes a book can transform your life
For me it was David Markson

I read him literally thousands of times
While others listened to Kelly Clarkson

Who is this guy?  I kept asking
And what have I discovered?

His last four novels, if you call them that
A reading experience like no other

A toast to you, Mr. Markson
And your wisdom way with words

You are now my companion
In this life grown American Absurd

You are a true genius.
Have they heard?

................idiot imbecility indeed.............
                 dead level of the mass
           courage, kindness, and conviction
                      to the Divine Inert!

I like universities
But just to walk around
Play a little basketball
Remember Dr. Young

Saw Dylan at Mason
Saw Springsteen too
Highwater Everywhere
She's the One is sung

Miso soup and salad
Sugar free candy
Diet Lemonade
O'Reilly he got hung

Buried so deep
Jimmy Reed indeed
Downbound Train
Din Tai Fung

           7221

I had to write the poems
The poems come from pain

Please pray for my wife
I'm near La Mancha, Spain

The sadness will last forever
37 years

La Florida my past
La Florida, my dears

Sunt lacrimae rerum
Tears, idle tears

Leaving San Francisco Bay
Heading for Hong Kong harbor
See an old friend, good for the soul

New Year shines from the water
Fireworks above, gentle waves below
Mutation my salvation and goal

Time to leave the past behind:

                               Dropping off
                                                 body
                                                        and
                                                              mind

Maybe a fine madness
Maybe biochem
Maybe the Wicked Witch
Maybe Auntie Em

Rilke and his Angels
Me and snowy Vienna
Honeymoon in Rome
Duomo in Siena

All Walls Fall
I fall too
I plot and place
She crawls through

           New!

My arm hurts
       Advil
       hope

Snow Falling on Cedars
               Rieko
             Arigato

A contradiction, at times a joke, to myself
But still I keep on writing
I have no real hope
I have a need for fighting

My sons are my joys
My marriage agonia
No love with any real women
But they call the wind Mariah

                     Mariah!

his homeless feet were blistery
     Time - the relentless warring history
          I feel intensely this life meaningless...


But is it also, somehow, a mystery?

I stay up late and contemplate
My sons don't answer the phone

Haven't been to Heidelberg
Spent 3 dear days in Rome

I like Universities
But now I live alone

Everything forgotten
Everything Unknown

        pressureprone

In the form of Buddhism
Flowing from Nagarjuna
The purpose of language
Is to negate language
Argument
To undermine all argument

Then we sit in silence

Maybe in Bangalore
Maybe in Kyoto
Maybe in Charlotte


You and me.

The solitary we:

         7273.

farewell and be kind
     my advice to my own mind
               midnight's broken toll to find...


                            clocktower blues

They say bipolars are attracted to fire
Burning down the house

I play with these little poems
The cat plays with the mouse

Just to give them a chance
Maybe they will run

Escape my indoor paws
See the garish sun

Bipolars attracted to fire
Pyres on the beach

Ashes in the ocean
God quite out of reach

    He called me "Teach".

sins, faults, failings
always already present

sons, hopes, fine feelings
lift me above the evident

Dear God, I pray - we pray:
Please grant us a decent President.

                         Amen.