How much is too much until
God finally says
"okay that's it, she's been through enough."

b.r.

If you were mine and I was yours
then you could truly say and mean
I have a WAY with words

But if I was yours and you were mine
then i could simply mean and say
I escaped the sheople herds

Drift aWAY with me unto a perfect midsummer's dream
Gliding down Waterfalls that guide us naturally serene
Leading us to sustenance merrily gently down the stream
Skinny dipping Satisfaction until each our souls are clean

Isn't always the teenage dream
It's when people tell you that it's ok to be you
Well, unless of course, if you're a part of the LGBTQ
It's when you get the overflowing sense of libido
And most of the time you feel inferior
Your parents are wrong, you feel like you hate them
You talk to people you call friends
Even though sometimes you want nothing to do with them
You think you're in love with this boy
But really it's lust
You break the rules
You're breaking loose
Because remember the time you were 8
And wanted to be a teenager?
Well, this isn't what you expected
Isn't it?

I’m trying to convince my friends that I don’t like you anymore and that I only think of you as a brother.
But am I trying to convince them or myself?
I close my eyes and see your ridiculous smile
I see you in the faces of my school mates
I see you everywhere
My heart aches every time I think of you
Is this love?
Probably not
Love don’t exist
I see the proof is my friends heartbreak and my parents fights
But how do you manage to make me feel like this
Get out of my head you’re driving me crazy
Stop it
You’re torturing my brain
This is an endless torture
You’re a personal devil sent straight from the fires of hell to torture me
To make my heart crumble as I listen to you talking about another girl
Feel my heart break into a million pieces and crumble into ashes as I see you with another girl
This is against everything that I stand for
I refuse to let this get to me
I will be immune to you
I will be immune to everyone else
I will be heartless

(s.a.)

Shows strength,
But no courage.
Shows what he is made of,
But he just light luggage.

Don't let them ruin you,
They already ruin themselves.
You better then them,
Pathetic waste...
More stupid then their dumbbells.

Watch out for you may feel weak,
But you are a champion.
It's only fear they seek...

Your name belongs to others
but they don't have the same taste
or the way I felt my heart drop
every time I saw your face

Still I hold no contempt
nor see it as a waste
We were just out of place
running at too quick a pace

All the secrets I still keep
vividly invade my dreams
like all the times I watched you sleep
opening your eyes to me

Wishing it was meant to be,
did you even see?

We didn't fool each other
we only fooled ourselves
the risks became a bother
but still they paid off well

The stories we could tell
of both our carried hells
The images we bore
hiding the sides we feared to tell

Its still worth all the hurt
to keep the memories
no one else in this universe
will share the same as these

So thanks again
everything ends
We would be caught too tightly
within the web we spin

So Thanks again
everything ends
even with the same conclusion
I'd do it lose or win.

Thanks again.

you took
every bit of happiness
and stored it
in a fragile case

you took
all my love
and stored it there, too

so when
you dropped
my case

my happiness
and love
were shattered

and you
walked away
still whole

All it took was one gentle swift against the wind & I would be plummeting to a world where I would never get to swiftly take my feet off the ground & call it a night ever again.
It was scary thinking about the idea that life is just a code word for death & almost everything I have ever physically or emotionally touched has more significance than my touch ever will.
Life reminds me of all the ingredients a smile is made of & why it takes so long to perfect it.
My existential past, present, & future are all calling out for me now, but my vulnerable mind is nowhere to be found.
I have never trembled so drastically before.
I want to continue my stay to further my research on all of the reasons why humans have never picked me first in gym class, or why love has never reached out to give me a helping hand, or why my name was always at the beginning of the sentence that always ended with smiles turning into bruises & bruises turning into unwelcome memories.
Life is a joke, yet it has the only punch line that has ever terrified me.
The feeling of drowning has always made me think of what the true defintion of home really is.
I'm so scared, but these tears won't be around much longer & that's really the only happy thought i've had in the past few years.
A young boy once asked me what the meaning of life was, & my answer has haunted me ever since there was life before death & the only look I gave him was a look that even lightning would turn its back to; the only look in my life that has ever made someone other than myself fear the unknown; this is my apology to that young, innocent boy's eyes; this is my apology.

Writing this has made me realize 5 things:
1.) You can't run from air, no matter how bad you want to stop breathing.
2.) There is no such thing as being "fully gone", even after you think that you have found your escape route out.
3.) Writing your feelings down onto pieces of paper doesn't necessarily mean that people will all of a sudden come running to your rescue, apologizing for being themselves, & beg for your forgiveness out of pure love & regret.
4.) Not everyone can be the hero; but you must soon realize that just because you are not the hero doesn't mean that you are the villain.
5.) I'm not afraid anymore.