I.
Some nights
it's like hoover **** has broken
right behind my eyes
and there's no noise
no shaky breath
just wet cheeks.

II.
I can't make it stop and
there's nothing even wrong.
I'm terrified to sleep
with someone someday;
I don't want anyone
to know.

I.
You can't lie to someone
who loves you
and it's getting harder
to lie.

II.
Maybe people
love me now.

III.
Imagine that -
at least,
I used to have to.

I.
Crying is nearly
impossible
and I don't know why.

II.
It's like there's
a stone wall in my chest
and I can't break it
alone.

I.
I dreamed someone
hurt you
and I was too far
to stand in the way
or take the blow instead.

I.
You aren't a *******
superhero.

II.
Try your ******* best,
and you'll never be
saving
anyone.

I.
Go to
hell
the next time
you remind me of my
body.

II.
I'm well
aware.

III.
I know what I've got
under my shirt.
I know what's
in my jeans.

IV.
I don't need your smile,
your look of condescension.
I don't need a **** thing
from you.

I.
You'd imagine me as
jealous of the boy.

II.
But he's too sweet to ever
dislike
for anything.

III.
"I'm here, you know?"
"It's okay if you aren't alright."
"You good?"

IV.
It takes a tenth of the energy
to love someone
that it does
to hate them.

V.
Feels better, too.