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I.
I've spent time making peace with things
that honestly are so cringeworthy,
no one should find a justification.
I.
No one besides
myself
has seen my own chest in
maybe three years.

II.
Even all that time we were lovers
she
never did.
Always acted disgusted at the very idea.

III.
You undid buttons and
carefully pressed warm fingers into places that haven't let
another human touch them
in an entire lifetime.

IV.
Checking for bruises is --
it's odd. The things you did could little be
construed as platonic, or
honestly necessary,
but the affection of checking my bruising and
affirming the lack of broken ribs,
is incredibly
platonic.

V.
You never once looked
disgusted.
That's a ******* first.
I.
We were born under the same
burning moon,
but she is the beautiful maniac,
and I am nothing but
a gentle capricorn.
I.
"Y'know,
we make a good team.
That's one of the reasons I think we'd be
good
living together."

II.
Romance? Never.
Stop when red lights flash.

Stop lights;
when red flash.

Stop lights.
Stop lights.
Warning lights.

You should have ******* listened.
We are growing up wrong --
Let me rephrase,
There is nothing wrong with the way in which we are growing up.
We are wrong.

We are becoming whispered secrets behind closed doors --
the information with which to bind safely, advice on a name --
Quickly passed off goods as though it were illegal to
Own a binder, a packer, a mens tie.

We are becoming men,
And yet we were never boys, not really.
Not in the way we would have liked to be.

We will be fighting the rest of our lives,
Lying, probably. Lying, when it doesn't feel like lying --
"When I was a, well, a boy scout.." But you weren't.
You were a girl scout.

We are covering our tracks to hide the identity we've worked so hard to obtain --
No one but each other will ever be proud of us.
Not for this.
Not for the hardest fight of our lives.
I.
I am as if the moon touched the oceans,
the tides welled up,
the world slide aside and became water.
I.
When I look back,
it's almost laughable.
The irony of my very existence
is almost laughable.

II.
I'm a ******* joke,
but I'm never able to laugh
until months later.
I.
They told me
"opposites attract".

II.
Opposites attract, but you will
burn each other up
until you are all gone and there is
nothing left but ashes.

III.
Opposites attract, but find someone
who is not magnetic.
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