i can hear the footsteps
i lay quiet
sometimes pretending sleep
i'm not scared anymore
i just don't want to hear your voice

as i fall
i won't you to know i can smell you

and yes
I'm scared
but more of whats coming out your mouth
than anything out there

you read these poems?
yes an expression
pain, loss
we all get it

we all loved
we all lost
human misery is nothing new

hate to break it you
but humanity is an evil, disgusting race
we're the worst thing
but that's who we are  

we have to go forward
we didn't just win the war for our kind's fate
we ****** in all of creation's mouth while we did it
God help all of us if there is a God.

No more whining.
We're the bad guy's children
people cheat, women & men lie
that's how we won this ****** up planet

don't cry about who you are
none of this is our fault
we were born into an evil ****** up place
but we still have to live

so live
the best you can
and lets just hope
all will be well

doesn't that question scare you?
i think about it at night sometimes

when the moment comes
could you do it?

what are you capable of?

i won
plans executed perfectly
and i saved people
i did it
i saved people important to me
with deviousness and trickery

when they say you've done something right
no one will ever know you did anything at all

as relief washes over me
a sense of anger does as well
this never should have been my battle
but I won anyway

I'm the winner
why does this victory feel so hollow?

"You're a tongueless talker
You don't care what you say
You're a jaywalker and you just just walk away
And that's all you do

The clap of the fading out sound of your shoes"

- Elliott Smith's words (' Last Call' if you're interested). not my words . just the song in my head right now &how; I feel right now.  RIP Elliott

I have to do stuff today
the kind of boring stuff that makes me sad
at least I'm not completely dead inside
otherwise, why would i even care?