like some bugg-faced nightmare
this dumpster fire of some thing
exiled

no one thought to even ask
the answer should be poetic
but the truth

is no one cared

this thing is heavy
sighing doesn't help the miles

the horizon across is beautiful
but I can't tell how far away

time to think with this burden
what I have to believe

do I believe anything?  

this blanket is heavy

when I saw it
I didn't scream
I just looked
but didn't look away

one more dead eyed
one more broken
one more
held in a dark place

a fist
that protects my heart
a dark hand
than can hold everything

I hate weddings
I hate funerals
I hate mirrors
and I probably hate you

I love a dark hotel room at 9am
I love to hear the fighting, the *******,
I love the smell of old terrible sweat
I love the strange stains no one in their right mind would touch

I hate sunny days and fast cars
I hate pastel clothes and sunglasses
I hate any store signage that tells me I'm of value

I love my Ipod
that beautiful world it can bring
just noise in your head
I love ***** when I wake up
that beautiful world it can bring
less noise in your head

and then you're finally ready
to do whatever ******* you have to do  
when you're finally ready
I love the world

I tried new things
I read new books
I went to a different place
I came back the same person

I am not fictional
I am not real

so your feelings were hurt
you cried like you always do
one more night of sadness
one more night I just had to walk away

it occurred as I found myself
putting on my coat I want a drink
I crossed a busy street
hurrying to avoid traffic

a police officer drove by and warned me
no jaywalking.
I thought of you
I told the officer it was way too late for that.

this arm goes here
this one goes there
this door opens

this shirt is mine
this sidewalk will take me
this place is where I'll stop

this foot goes here
this foot goes there
this is what I'm supposed to do

this is not fear
this is not sadness
this is just this