It visited again,
In the way these things often do
Deep Into the quiet of night
.
This night wasn't a lonely one,
Unusual time for such a visitor -
He came as I was cleaning
Knocking at the doors of old keepsakes,
"Remember?" He said, breath on my cheek
Do you remember me?
I pause, watching the pattern of him tracing through every object
The way his wind blew my leaves Into drifts
The way my water dappled his sandy face
The patterns of these things remain
Muscles with memories I never knew
.
The mirror shows me what he might've seen,
Red eyed and pathetic,
Last hope and broken promise
I think he's thinking of me now,
But I don't think he loves me anymore

It kept building, in the way all things do
Like a rising crescendo.
It took one and half years to break me:
The distance, the disease,
The divorce
The accumulation of pennies in my jar,
One for each heartbreak
I am become afraid of my own kitchen,
Of too many noises
Of trusting things I thought were mine,
My stability crumbles on sandy foundations
The tighter I hold, the greater the cold.
Its not within me yet,
but the many lashed open wounds
Might yet grant entry
To fill the warm spaces that were emptied
A bloodless, blood loss eviction
I write this to stand guard
Against new tennants

And I am afraid
They may have already arrived
Or perhaps
They never left

In the darkness of becoming
I saw, I was a seed
In that dark and sacred place
Full of life and full of need.

Gasping, grasping every breath
A gift I take, I bleed
Into sweet light I dare to grow
A choice, no choice - I'm freed.

Craggy rocks gasping silently
Thrusting up small trees
With fluttering leaves,
And dust rising violently
Studded with dry bugs

Music in silence
Is the swish of leaves on trees
The shush of the breeze
The smiles on buttercups
The sweet clovers wishing you luck
The coy wiles of roses
And the big blue sky that never imposes
The sound of frost creeping over every
         blade of grass at night
The first, and last, few rays of light
The brush of feathers
And dew straining on silken tethers
The silhouette of seas afar
The promise and hush of sleepy stars
The sun warmed dirt beneath our feet;
The song of silence never misses a beat

You are my friend
My spirit and soul
You will grow wise
Before I grow old

Youve been There with me
from my favorite start
And now, my good friend
You are falling apart.

The bitterness of knowing
You do not deserve sadness,
As though pain were a prize
You have not earned, and yet
The knife in your heart, and life
Pouring from your eyes to this page
Beg to differ,
But with a world that has earned sadness
And I, who has just stumbled blearily
across it, like a feast for my hungry soul,
Stay bitterly and undeserving,
Guilty for tears
Without reason or right; a smile
Is the simplest lie, but cloying
When you have no right to be hurt
It is unbearable, that smile
That rests on my unbearable lips

The unknown is comforting in the thought,
That for all the bad that may come,
There is just as much good

And thus, I do not fear the future

My arms flung wide
Head flung back
And my eyes are closed
I'm floating in black
I'm waiting for that hand
To pull me out
Of this strange land
But I'm also fine waiting,
Here is smooth and calming
Not bad, or mad like passion is
But rather a darkness balming
The sores from the last man who tried

A tree
Like a weary man, waits.
His proud spine refusing to bend
He stands, arms outstretched
Hands reaching to the unforgiving sky,
His tired limbs sway, but he stands
Refusing to succumb,
His legs planted firmly, defiant
Of the world, it seems, he stands
Where no other dare,
Precarious on the rocks,
Strong against the wind
His breath drawn thick and white
Around his face like a scarf,
Watching and waiting,
To stand forever alone

I just crushed a bug.
It was crawling on my bed.
It had no chance,
And now it's dead.

Before the world came darkness
And at its end was peace,
But chaos calmly churned between,
A violent masterpiece

It might have been an idle dream,
It could have been a lie
But when I saw your shining face,
A thousand years went by.

Twelve seconds left
To fix the world.
Start from within,
The rest will follow.

I'd like to hear a flower
Take its *******
When first sunbeam stops
To illuminate dew drops

I bet it sounds sweet
clear like a bells' beat
Ringing soft and pure
Euphoric and demure

How soft you are
On my nose
When it runs
And when I blow

Pulled from a box
Like a magic mans hat
Clean as my conscience
(But don't ask about that)

Gently I watch from the dark
Pushing up a thin tissue front
Into the harsh light.
It wavers in the breeze, yes,
But let's through some honeyed light
Enough to twine my fingers through
And pour into me with life
My sheild from the burning,
Men with claws scratch, boring holes
That burn before my tissue can close,
And a sore, stinging soul
But the dark will wash it away
With tears and hope,
Innocence before it opens its eyes
To the light.

Drawing the essence of the earth,
Up, but with trembling fingers
Spun thinner than spider legs
Quivering like a leaf in Autumn
But still, steady enough
To slowly pull out the thin, winding string
That bound you here,
Delicate like the first hope after despair
Longer, longer,
Until you can make a scarf,
Slowly twisting the ends,
And give it away
Because they needed it more,
And it will all be worth it.

Talking in tongues,
The train of thought
Running in loops
Breathless lungs
Exhale, air caught
Head droops

I was born in this world
With a day-old heart
And an ancient mind

The words escape me,
Pushed as breath forced from beaten lungs
****** past my lips into vacuum
Trying to convey what left me breathless
Breathlessly

Blinded once again,
I succumb easily
To good men with bad intentions.
X
We all have our weaknesses.

There was an unearthly quality to the light; Somthing that settled not quite
Over the solid and soft-edged shapes,
Lavender in the sun's goodnight
The ethereal coolness drapes
Almost lovingly over the fevered sky
The solid, steady world giving way
To somthing gentle, far away

I look for twilight,
The dim purplish light
Signifying neither day or night
But merely time,
held in lofty suspension
For precious few moments,
Not so blinding as day
Nor as smothering as night
But a momentary lapse
In the gaps between heaven and here,
Wherever here might be.

The tracks of my tears
         *   Tearing
Lines of lies down my face
Like bars on a cage
And I'm trapped
And escape is so far away
I can't see a glimmer of hope
But rather, shades of grey.
I remember birds
And how far they can fly
But my wings are broken,
So why bother try?
And when my jailor comes I hide.
Because I *know
Who.
He.
Is.
And I can't bear it.
So I hide.
But I can't lie, not to myself
I can try to deny
But in the end I know
How useless that is.
Because under that horrible mask
Is not some monster in the dark...
But, I suppose it is.
And under that mask
My disguise
Is a cage of lies.
Where I sit and I cry
Because I know.
I put myself here.
*and I can no longer escape

A honey-wax candle, dusty on the shelf,
With a wick so white and naïve.
It's sweet flame and dusky embers never licked,
For on a shelf it sits, unlit.
It never had burnt down
To ash, but its sweet golden crown
Sits safe on a dusty shelf.

I live
Among old bandaids
And untold truths,

It is not a measure of health
To fit in a sick society

And so it has begun
That I miss you more than I ever loved you;
The deep imprint remains-
your fingers on my flesh
Grasping so tight I could not exist anywhere
except in that moment with you
The imprints leave such ghastly hollows in your absence
Sharp contours like sunken cheeks
Incongruous with the plump pleasantries,
Like pastry, I crumbled in your hands
To be consumed by your love
Such fresh and living agony!
Contrasted now by the staleing crumbs of my heart
***
Once alive with blood in every breath
What else could painlessness be, but death?

Love in a mist
Tiptoe through shadow
Unuseful mystery-
Useful mystery;
Unuseful clarity

His arms
Wrap around my naked corpse
Is he holding me (is he giving up?)
Or am I letting go

What is life if not an excuse to love a little longer

Each succeeding sonnet sways me no more
Than did the first
The rain taps it's fingers against the window,
The sounds of light half-echo
And slake my thirst

We were what we were
And we are what we are.

There is many necessary things about the past

This is where the end began
Blood was shed and demons ran
Far beneath the pretty skin;
The frigid darkness lies within

Goodbye my lover,
My sweetheart, my friend
If that's how we started I know how we end
It's been a long day, short month. Whole year
Walking the line between joy and fear

Sunlight wrapped in chains of gold
The days are short, the nights are cold
Amid dark spots, dark thoughts, light rain
You use your sweetness to sour my name

Bite my tongue to pieces,
I smile behind bloodred lips ,
Does the sweet scarlet curve entice you, my love?
My gold light under your cold sight eclipsed,
.
Have I made myself palatable enough
To be consumed?
Or does my bleeding flesh pollute, too pungent and sour
For the likes of your gluttonous love to devour

I don't know how to end it but I love a new start,
Devoted and lost, homelessness of the heart

Let the darkness lay her softest kisses
Upon your brow, my love
Many things your soft heart misses
Be eased by dawn above

A young woman hid, in a world long ago
A world full of hunger and greed
.
Asked,  "why do you hide?"
she answered, wide eyed,
"I dont want them to see how I bleed

Snow melts
To soften and nourish the earth
And leave tender spaces
For the young things to bloom

And the roses that lay
Untouched on this splintered land
Still bloom, still bloom
As they bloomed before
In the day

I can see the end beginning
When the beginnings begin to end
This wild winter wind is softly winning,
My blood, tears, and snow will blend

Say hello to my tomorrow
When mercy ends today,
Raise your arms to embrace sorrow
As life's last love dies away

To take a life
(Like crush a bug)
It's just a fly...
I made it die