You got this way about you
I can't figure out
All that I said remains true:
I want to see where life takes you

Your gentle hands, unspoken brush strokes—
Why mask your portrait in shades of gray?
Give yourself the same grace

Why is your worth a foreign concept?
You're the epitome of the green and gold

What can I do?
Certainly can't argue—
Just accept a—

simple truth:
you're the green and gold inside the gray

Fascinating,
adapting to survive in nutrient-poor soil,
By any means necessary,
even if the method seems harsh—
it's natural, it's inevitable.

Consuming over-populated insects,
masquerading as "butterflies," unapologetic—
careless minds, thoughtless words,
misusing your name,
feeling foolish, wilting,
self-dissolving.

It wasn’t your fault.
Some plants need different pots to grow—
deeper roots, stronger hands.
Do you see it now?
It was only survival.
I’ve got you now.

A marvel of evolution,
you grew in unique and creative ways.
Many won’t appreciate you,
but I do.
I’ve got you now.

They were never butterflies—
only illusionists,
fooling you, using you.

Venus – goddess,
Fly – rise high, embrace your
Trap – not you, never you,
not by their hands.

I’ve got you.
I've got you now.
Venus, Fly, Trap.

I got you

Venus Flytrap

I can hear you beg for it

But I'll never write you a love song

This isn’t a physiological thriller

I’m not Betty Davis

Still, I'm wondering

Whatever happened to "Ever ever after"?

I’d rather be Singing in the Rain

Than holding back tears waiting for a key

To unlock my chest



Convince me I need this too

Because I never thought the hardest thing I’d ever do

Would be hating you



I try avoiding slipping through the cracks

Into the trenches, but anchors pull me under

I try to dream outside of war, but memories haunt my days

I had no intention of staying

But I feel your hands around my waist

And it begins again

I stood at the station waiting for you
but you never came

For the longest time
I was attached to the notion
I could count on you
but paper planes never fly like rocket ships
when you're not there

I gazed at the hourglass sitting on the counter
Waiting for you
It mocked me with each grain that fell
so did the memories
flooding back like a never ending rainstorm
15 months gone, 15 months since
Love abandoned me on the battlefield

I remember how
I lost my breath as butterflies got lost in
Sweet Secret Strawberry
Kisses

I didn't know death had a shadow
I didn't know he was watching

I've run out of words, no more excuses
this love is silent

but it finally stopped being complicated
and I can dream outside of war
because I'm done waiting for you

Mrs. Styles, who sits by the window
Leaning back in her chair
Reading the future in the crystal ball
Coffee cup in hand
Taking sinful sips with sinful lips
I can't help, but breathe in the brim of your demeanor
You're nursing a dreamer's addiction

Because at four past midnight
I'm tempted by harmful pleasures
Tugging at my skin, confusing my thoughts
My heart quivers, my breath stutters
Halfway between truth and lies
Hundreds of words flip through my mind
I'm confessing, these are my weakest moments
I'm playing with bottles in closets
I'm gabbling my ***** little secrets

Presumably, Mrs. Styles you are  death twisting my tapestry
Tearing at the thread, hovering above me
Engulfing my bright skies with paranoia,
Anxiety, overwhelmed by overcasts
Calling a storm that screams like the shadows on the walls
When the lights are off
I'm trapped in a choke-hold like a dog trapped in a cage howling at the moon
The beast inside can't be tamed Mrs. Styles

Because at four past midnight
I'm tempted by harmful pleasures
Tugging at my skin, confusing my thoughts
My heart quivers, my breath stutters
Halfway between truth and lies
Hundreds of words flip through my mind
I'm confessing, these are my weakest moments
I'm playing with bottles in closets
I'm gabbling my ***** little secrets

Mrs. Styles, this future is a panic attack
Stop writing, erase the ink and listen to my pleas
I'm lost in an empty theater with velvet chairs and silk curtains
Waiting for someone to sit down and listen
As I eagerly try to play a piano that makes no sound
I don't want to come down from the clouds
Why is my world trying to pull me down?
I've had enough

Because at four past midnight
I'm tempted by harmful pleasures
Tugging at my skin, confusing my thoughts
My heart quivers, my breath stutters
Halfway between truth and lies
Hundreds of words flip through my mind
I'm confessing, these are my weakest moments
I'm playing with bottles in closets
I'm gabbling my ***** little secrets

Intelligent life floating nearly three decades towards unification
With unsuccessful progression, just stressful aggression
That is preached on the mountaintop waiting for the wild beast to unlock its secretes
When underneath lies a labyrinth of tunnels
Full of issues spinning on a cursed wheel;
On the streets, there is no silver-lining
And ethnic cleansing, is a political approach to coax society
With an insurmountable wire full of electrons
Trying to tranquilize a foundation of "modernity"
That is drenched in red Beryl molasses
Causing another martyr to die in cold blood;
Sick with a plague that runs deeper than the cyanide in our veins
What a shame that these flowers wilt away
Not even rain can break down these red dreams mixed with criminal themes
No matter how hard we try, no gust of wind is strong enough
To fight off the spiders bloated with poison
That lurk in the shadows, at a quarter to midnight
They light the cigarettes like the patient wolves
Watching the calm night from the rooftop
The moonlight magnifies their grotesque facade
Baring their teeth at a lingering silhouette cast out of paradise
Into a void where sober logic is drowned by clinking wine glasses

I'd rather die
Knowing I tried
To fix myself
As I ate myself
From the inside

It's an acquired taste
I don't like it

Bitter

People say he doesn't say much
they offer words to fill the silence
condolences between the aisles
but they don't understand
they don't understand

He wants everything
or nothing
offer him death
offer him life
but never love

People say he doesn’t look too good...these days
they offer words to describe his pain
he looks sad, he looks exhausted...these days
but they don't understand

It is what it is
we both know how the story goes
you'll never be happy
but you'd be satisfied
seeing where life takes me
but my road leads back to you

offer me death
offer me life
but all I want is your love
nothing else
nothing more
but you don’t understand
you don’t understand

My friend is in my pocket
though she is many miles away
before we met... time just spent
and today was just a day

but now I know and can't forget
it's special because the one I met
19 years ago this day
was destined to type in all caps: "YAY!"

He’s skateboarding over a million petals
As if he was skating on water
And it’s so, so beautiful
She snaps a picture on her phone
But the moment she saw him
She was sure she’d never forget him
He’s just so, so beautiful

I know I'm a terrible baker
You don’t have to eat it
It's not a big deal
he explains

It was his first time trying to make something
So, so beautiful

Strawberry Shortcake is nothing more
than sweet biscuits with sweet cream and strawberries
Serve it with a little tea
Serve it with a little coffee
And that's enough for her
Because she thinks people who try are
So, so beautiful

She explains
yeah, it doesn't look pretty
but I appreciate the effort
So, let's clean up the kitchen

His only midnight customer
Keeps the shop open late just for her
It’s a slow love
It’s a colorful love
And it’s so, so beautiful
But they don’t say a word to the other
about feelings falling like a million petals
over the city
She snapped a picture
and he was sure he'd never forget her
She’s just so, so beautiful

They were laughing
And it was
So, so beautiful
They were laughing
And it was
So, so beautiful

So, so beautiful

Lured to a fake wonderland
I grew jealous when you kissed the falling snow
Gliding along the ice, sinking between the cracks
It was a platonic toxin coursing through our veins
A beautiful creature of despair


Wake up in spring, lying in a grave
Lost in a dark forest unfolding our imagination
Obviate the worst night of our life
Surrounded by a million white coats crunching numbers
Watching experiments smouldering behind the glass
Strapped to tables, trapped by a colorful mind
I hardly recognize the reflection lost inside
When lurid collisions entertain these nightmares
The only thing left is scars

By summer, it's a world of tragedy
Giving into hate, accepting lies
Another roller coaster meant for a thrill
Bleeding through the neck of the hourglass
Slipping oozing black silk said to be medicine
Faceless, heartless breathing machine
Simulating numbers for accurate results
When there are no accurate answers
It's simply a beautiful stream of cold cases

Autumn floats away
Love closed the door
Left, an empty house
Not an echo, not a whisper, not a scream
Not a mutter, an apology
Just a bite of stone
Buried underneath a river of memories
Lost in a broken clock, still ticking
Forgotten in shattered words
A masterpiece disappeared in four seasons

How are you?
I don't know...
                                                     Are you okay?
I don't know...
                             please, i'm worried
                             say something?

i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go
if you want to leave
i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go

I don’t feel like myself
                    
            Who do you feel like?
I keep letting you down                        
           You know best
I never wanted to let you down
                                                 what you understand
                                                 what you don't.
                                                          ­                  You have to choose
                                                 what you want to do about it.
I don’t know......

                                           Leave anxiety aside
                                 what do you want to do with your life?
what sort of person will you be?


i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go
if you want to leave
i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go

                                          i think you hate yourself
                         i understand, i hate myself too
                                   but you have to stop hating yourself. 
                           you spend so much energy on it it's absurd

I'm worried that you'd take such ******* seriously and get hurt…


Why?

self pity and self hatred are pointless.

You have a yearning you can't deny

                                  No matter how much you want to

Please don't forget me
Please don't....
Please don't forget me....

I don't hope for anything
But I hope you get your dreams

i hate people more than
i hate myself...expect you
you're a good one

i don't understand
why you hate the person you...
are my golden hour

At random hours of the night
I'll send you a joke
Because I wake up from nightmares
Where you've been ripped from my life

I'm trapped inside a house with spiders
Surrounded by canary-colored walls
I'm afraid of Virginia Woolf
and all the words she ever wrote
I don't want to feel such things anymore

You call me up
But don't say a thing
What's there to say?
Would it change your mind?
Would it make a difference?

I'm too old to pretend
On the midnight train
I know we won't make it
I'm too old to believe
In words and young hearts
I'm too old to feel like a child
On the midnight train
We'll go our separate ways
At the end of the line

When I say, when I say, when I say...
I'm met with silence

My whispers could never be louder than all the politics (Suicidal thoughts)

What you mean, what you mean, what you mean...
Will always be,"Goodbye"

What do I know?
I'm afraid of Virginia Woolf
What was I thinking?
and all the words she ever wrote

At random hours of the night
I'll send you a joke
Because I wake up from nightmares
Where you've been ripped from my life

I saw you dancing with fairies in the forest
You gave me a book of spells
But I cast you away
I heard you sing lullabies for only my ears
You taught me to dance with knives
I stabbed you in the heart

I was trapped inside a white room
You could see me through the glass
While I was blinded by bright lights
We shared a visit
I tried to hold your hand
But it passed right through
An illusion of my grief disguised as you
You vanished
Leaving me to regret the last words I said

It must be summer where you are
Because it’s a dark world here without you
I hold onto anger for my mistakes
You must know I did it for you
Because I never got that last goodbye
I seek revenge, but I'm the one to blame

Cut the rope
Before I pull you under
Don’t follow me
I won’t return to kiss you goodnight
I won’t return to hold you tight
So do as I say
Stay in the cave & don’t come out until I howl
Then you need to run & don’t look back
Not even when I whimper
Not when I beg for my life
I won’t survive
I’ll be dripping of tar
I’ll be hung by my feet
I’ll be hung & forced to watch them **** our family
So do as I say
You must be swift, don’t step on the screaming branches
The falling snow will protect you
Don’t make a sound & don’t you cry
Just run as I distract them darling
I’ll bite them until I’m bleeding
Their weapons will be laughing
But I won’t breathe my last breath until I know you're safe
So don’t look back
Not even when I whimper
Not when I beg for my life
I won’t survive
Just do as I say
Run far deep into the forest to our brethren in the north
Don’t come back, never come back
I’ll be long gone
I’ll be nothing more than a sweater, a nice coat
Keeping someone else warm
But you, you my darling
You will be safe in the warmth of the North
Summer will come & you will be grown
You will have a new family & one day
You might forgive me & understand why I
Cut the rope

I keep chasing lightning
Trying to catch it, lock it in a bottle
but when I do the bottle cracks
and I’m left empty-handed

Maybe I just don’t have what it takes
Maybe it’s not meant to be
Maybe I don’t know what I really want
Maybe I should let the passion wash away

I keep trying to start over with you
You say I need independence
The decisions should be mine
You say, “Maybe you need love too”
And I realize I don’t think I could take it if you walk away
But there ain’t nothing to do
And I should let it go

I keep trying to start over with me
Maybe I should listen
Get some medicine
Make it pink, I’ll swallow it
But would I be me?
And would you still love me?
And will the sadness go away, or will I just be numb to it?

Lightning brings thunder
Lightning brings grey storms
Why can’t you love me like lightning?
The way I love you
Because I keep losing track of you
And I, I don’t want to listen
Because I keep losing touch with you
And you, you don’t want to listen

I keep chasing lightning
Trying to catch it, lock it in a bottle
but when I do the bottle cracks
and I’m left empty-handed

My Important Things

Come away with me
we’ll go down to new Orleans
Get on the bus with me
And we’ll spend the time
In comfortable silence
Separated from the distance

I'm out of my mind
because I can't help but wonder
when you became one of the important things
You’re my everything
My important thing

Now I’m asking
Can we repeat the years over and over?
Give me one more year if just for a minute
Give me over and over
Give me the small moments
I'll cherish them over and over

You don't even know, you don’t even know
And I can't explain, I can’t explain
The difference you make
Each day I'm waking up to "Good Morning"
And every night I'm going to bed
With the promise of over and over

I’m having a heart attack
I'm out of my mind
because I can't help but wonder
when you became one of the important things
You’re my everything
My important thing

And I’ve never laughed so hard
I think I might die
You’re my laughing gas
Because my chest never felt so light
Is this an illusion; A siren’s hallucination
I'm reliving these moments
Over and over
And I won't, oh I won't share

I must be playing a fools game
Because I’m so attached
Being honest, So open
Showing you the broken pieces
Hoping we never drift apart
Separated by distance again

Though I am prepared
For when you disappear...
disappear from my world
And become a stranger again

I can see it now
I'll be calling your name
Over and over
I'll be falling apart
over and over
I'll be missing you
over and over

So, I don’t want forever
And I don’t need you to give me everything

Because you, you’ll never know  
I'm out of my mind (I’m losing my mind)
Because I can't help but wonder
When you became one of the important things
You’re my everything
My important thing

You’ll be my important thing
Over and Over

Everything
I
Do
And
Everything
I
Am
Is
Wrong

I had a dream in October
One dark night, as the rain played the forgotten lullaby
Of a broken man who saw a rose strut down the catwalk
In her eyes, he saw the eruption of a volcano
A tree growing, branching out to feel the sun again

I had a dream in December
One afternoon, a blizzard came with little warning
White crystals attacked his lips
Froze his words before he could utter a word
The silver storm sung the sweetest song
While a cold, crisp, quite blanket of snow tucked him into bed

I had a dream in February
One early morning when the blossoms bloomed
Emeralds saw elegance float down the stairs
Carrying scarlet letters of atonement
Anyone could see the forgotten lullaby written on her face

I had a dream in July
One hot summer’s day, he kissed away the lies of a jealous guy
Mended the hole in the shipwreck with every gentle stroke of her tattoos
Now, a flawless smile lights the blue moon
As butterflies take them to a place, where love can never die  

They had a dream
Of four seasons full of love and laughter

Soft brittle days
distorted symbols and colors and noise
grieving music
I just don't fit in

Maybe it's something
i'm missing
that I will never have

maybe I wasn't made for
sunny days
maybe I was made for
laughter in the rain
maybe I was made for
bright pink umbrellas
maybe I was made for
bright red rain boots
maybe I was made for
bright yellow rain coats
maybe I was made for
gray days

Maybe it's something
i'm missing
that I will never have

Delightful frustrating week
every hour is Monday
I changed my hair
because I was tired of all the darkness
but could you draw the blinds?
the sun shines too bright
and I'm tired

You are the cigarettes on my lips
And you are the smoke filling my lungs
Giving me shelter from a reality I refuse to accept
And I don't think I could quit you
So I'll die as the addict I am
Dreaming of words I will never hear

Young heart
Trying to fix a mechanical monotonous machine
It’s rusted
But the gears keep turning
Getting it through the tunnels
Blinded by flashes
Plastered on the face of every magazine

The masks move closer
Close your eyes tight
Don’t give them the satisfaction
They can’t shatter your shattered heart

She’s perfect.
It’s plastic.
Just tragic.
You crave her victory;
The affection of faceless strangers staring
On the other side of the glass
Snow white shackles
But it’s written on your grave

You think you’re in control
But you’re walking on a bed of nails
They’re pulling your strings, Puppet
If you fall from the tightrope you’ll disappear into emptiness

And the fear of ripped up teddy bears
Rejected to the shelf
It’s too much to bear

The possibility that what you want is a shadow you’ll never catch
You’re eyes, plastic immersed in porcelain
You’re falling apart at the seams
And no one seems to care enough to stitch you back together
You’ve forgotten how to smile
And pushed away those who used to care
Told them to stay out of your business

You’re drinking arsenic
Walking a narrow path with no doors
And every step forward erases another piece of you

Black roses scattered along blank pages
Coffee cup is half-empty and in need of a refill
Dawn is about to break, but I haven’t slept
Flowers placed by the window are wilting
Goodbye, let’s continue tomorrow

You got me feeling like a fool
And it takes everything I got
Not to burst, come undone
When you smile that crooked smile
Playing it cool

And I know how desperately you want to say it
The words I never want to hear
And I’m thankful you always save it
Choosing to show it
The words I never want to hear

As we drive down the interstate
In your rag top car
With my legs on the dashboard
And the sun shining down
Talking about everything we’re gonna do
Everywhere we’re gonna go
I see you looking at me
With those Bambi browns

And I know how desperately you want to say it
The words I never want to hear
And I’m thankful you always save it
Choosing to show it
The words I never want to hear

He is a black sheep who causes a disturbance everywhere he goes
Recognized only as dead by those who said they believe he could succeed
Was it a lie; or did they simply change their mind?
I have looked into his eyes
I am haunted…haunted

His notorious reputation is a running joke
For he will never amount to more than a disappointment
Destined to smoke a chimney clean
For the rest of his **** soaked life
Many say his future anticipates a jail cell
Does he think that too; or does he strive for more?
I am cold…cold

I saw him on my way home once
He rode his skateboard
Wearing some torn-up black hoodie
I wonder where he went
For a bird with broken wings he seemed to fly
I am content…content

The shackles on his feet grew and grew
With each unruly act he was prevented from molding into a phoenix
His own parents seem to turn to drastic measures
Shoving pills down his throat
When I know there was nothing wrong with him
Only accusation of “Criminal acts”
I can hear them echo
“Disappointment”, “Disobedient”
They say he was unwell
But I wonder if they ever did talk to him
He was a black sheep who caused a disturbance everywhere he went
I am haunted…haunted

I promised myself I would never again
But I don't know how much longer I can force it down
Today I thought about how disgusting it is
Whatever happens, happens
Above 15 and you're safe
Below 11 and you're dead
I know the extreme
I know the healthy way to do this
But I'm disgusted by it
I'd rather starve