Cold September night
and for the first time
in a long time
everything is alright.
Somehow it feels like
everything is falling
into place
instead of apart.
And even if it's not,
I still know I'll be okay.
I used to be a firework
and then I was a graveyard
but I have found my spark again.
All I can do is love what I have
and pray for the Universe
to bring to me what's right
and hopefully end up happy,
flashing through the night sky;
golden, sparkly, and clear.

You were born
Inside the old letters
I wrote when I was nine.
I dreamed of you slowly,
Pushing patience as you
Took your time.
You were warm,
Lying still and quiet,
Beneath my lonely mind.
I waited for your sweet eyes,
Looking past others as I
Waited in line.
You woke up
In my heartbeat,
When you held me that first time.
You were gracious,
So darling and spacious,
And I spread out this soul of mine.
You burst open
In my bloodstream,
When your skin melted into mine.
You were nesting and hiving,
Became scarred handwriting,
Hot to the touch on each freckle.
You fell asleep,
Stuck in a bad dream,
Where the real you walked away.
You were flailing and diving,
So unsure and crying,
And running away from me.
You are here,
You will always be here,
Stuck hopelessly in my heart.
You keep leaving and coming,
And my heart is always drumming,
I will always be humming for you.

All I see is silver linings and it often leaves me burned, but my eyes still search for glimmering when my sight returns. I think the reason I always only see the good is because I have so much darkness chasing me. I run after the light to avoid being swallowed by all the black that creeps and crawls like an eternal tide, an all-consuming pain. Because when Daddy holds a beer, I start to cry, because I think of all the times it made him hurt, hurt, hurt us. And when I feel it all spiraling down, and feel myself spiraling down, I remember the year I was eighteen and how much I always hurt, hurt, hurt. I push it all backwards into oblivion, and shut the door, and hope it doesn’t burst open. All I want to do is love and when I run after the light, I can pretend the darkness is gone, and was never there at all. I’m okay, I’m really okay, in fact, I’m truly happy. I have never felt so sure of my own soul. I feel in sync with the universe, but have no idea where I'm going. March is magical and its pixie-dust is soaking through my skin and into my blood. I am breathing deeply and exhaling it all. But when I tell myself that an open heart never hurt anyone, I remember that it hurt me.

We
were growing
so much and
nobody even noticed, not
even us, and it was
a beautiful pull from innocence into
true feeling, like a chasm or a
black hole of magic; one day you look
around and realize nothing is the same
and sometimes that hurts but do
not worry for things won't
stay that way for long.