I'm so angry with myself and with my life and with my emotions
that these words aren't helping anything and I just want to cry
because nothing can ever change for me yet everything is always changing
and I don't know what to do anymore, all I want is to be happy.

In my toes and eyes and fingers and mouth
and bones and nose and organs and blood
I feel you, feel you, feel you always,
Pray I, too, am in your every cell
Because that has to mean something
I have done it all and I have loved again
But you stick to me like you're in my ******* DNA
And that has to mean something, it has to, it has to,
Because if it does not I am your prisoner of passion
For the rest of my life while some other girl wears your ring
And even if I love again I know that will change nothing
Because here I ******* am as always
Here (I) (you) ******* (am) (are).

There is something subtle in the way you stare at me
that makes me, for a moment, think
you've been missing me like I miss you
and you still think I'm beautiful
and mean every letter you wrote to me
and someday that will mean something
again.

you think the daylight is beautiful
but god, you haven't seen a sunrise
the puzzle got smashed to pieces
you're crying on the floor
but just wait and wait and wait
for that pink and orange sky
and the stars of night
and the next day
even better than before
the links all drawn together
magnetic in their fate
you'll laugh, thinking "****."
because that's what yesterday was
compared to today.
the most beautiful day.

singer singer
wedding ringer
kissing ducks and sitting ducks
waiting for the tires to screech
watching for the eggs to hatch
waiting for the gun to blow up
back in our faces
and the singe of powder will burn us up
and we'll die in fiery anguish
or maybe we'll be fine
the pond glimmers in the starlight
nature's nestle sings at night
and her heart beats out of her chest
into mine
and i sit and think to myself
of all planets i was born on
in all my lives i've lived
*******, how wonderful
is this

Trees grow and flowers grow but why oh why
Don’t I grow?
Infertile mud smothering me
I can’t laugh without crying
Don’t you rip yourself up with worry
Because life is coming for you
In all its grand horror and delightful screams
Beware the beauty it will show you
But love it all the same
Because he will kiss you
And you will miss him
And they will die
But you’ll still live
And it will break your heart
And you’ll wish life never came
But all the same
It did
And it will whether you want it or not
Soak in the mud like a dormant seed
Spring is coming
And you will grow and grow and grow
Into a hundred year old tree
A smiling weeping willow with cracks running deep
Love it
Because what other choice is there?

We spilled the medicine on the violin,
But it still plays, strings sticky with cherry.
And the bottle shakes in his hands,
"Please don't, please don't."
Teeth like pills digging into my neck.
She sat on the fence chewing bubblegum candy
He cries in ruins and the dog barks in circles.
Dandelion fluff in the sweet summer breeze,
He has her face in his locket smiling all day.
Weight straight on me, lips right on me.
My fingernails aren't painted like hers.
Her handwriting saved in his soul somewhere,
He loves me but he can still smell her in his skin.
"Please don't, please don't."
He pours the pills down the sink, fingers still shaking,
And the medicine spills onto the violin.
"I won't, I won't."
Its strings are sticky with cherry, but it still plays.
It still plays.