The head rush always ends
with the screeching halt of brakes
and the 2AM loneliness
that reminds me we all die alone
and maybe this time
I'll give it all up finally
and throw away the dice
because although I am playing the game
I am always getting played
and I'm so tired of hurting
just for trying with a smile
so **** fate and its laughter
because I am not a joke.

Daisies in hair, freckles in laugh,
Summer camp dandelions,
Bubbles in the air.
Cling like a koala to your back
So I can fight off the pirates
And the dinosaurs
And the giant squid
And my mother's meatloaf.
Where do teachers go at night?
Do they sleep in their classrooms?
This caterpillar is my new best friend.
But so is this firefly. But not that moth.
Roll down hill into mud puddles of chocolate goo.
Sing songs and jump on clouds like trampolines.
Mouth like an innocent firecracker; 3-2-1 blast off.
Kissed and tucked and loved into bed.
Dreaming of how good we're going to have it,
Not knowing that we already did.

You make me remember
why all of them
didn't work out before,
And I hope you don't become
one of;
Just let me soak in
your serenade
and revel in this reverie.
The brightest name in my dreams
is yours now and I hope
it will become the last name on my lips
each night.

Please.

I need to remember that I can be loved
and I will remember by loving you.

Invincibility seen in transparent angel wings
That I only saw through green smoke Friday night.
We're going on nineteen and we aren't scared of anything;
Because we think everything is just to "scare" us.
Just a red light screaming through a golden window,
Just a ghost behind a closet, a man dressed in a sheet.
When will we finally be afraid?
What do we consider real failure, real fear?
We are invincible with angel wings we don't even see.
Maybe we can't see them because they aren't real.

Blue and yellow irises
I wish flowers grew out my fingertips
And that's why I write poetry
So they almost do
Living not day to day
But daydream to daydream
A laugh that echoes for miles
So much so it's embarrassing
A secret sadness buried
That surfaced only at eighteen
But I'm turning weakness into wonder
Floating upward instead of sinking below
Crazy hair and freckled skin
And a soul that feels too hard
Always loud and headstrong
Feeling invisible angel wings of spirituality
Because there's always Something Greater
Hungry for loving and living and everything
I want to ride an elephant
And see these words printed in a book
And fall in love again
And if I can't make the whole world beautiful, I will make my own.

Everything looks beautiful far away
And the heat distorts the street
So it looks like water on the horizon
In the summertime
And people go mad with desire
For matter that doesn't exist
You loved this idea of a person
And you never even held them up close
Cry all you want but the love of your mind
Will never be alive
People are human and humans are flawed
Dream of the perfect mirage
Go insane with absolute want
Just keep running to the horizon to have it
You will run forever

It's getting easier, words I never thought to write.
But people are looking at me and listening
To all the words I have to say.
And they're giving a ****, they're really giving a ****,
And they aren't looking at me like I'm crazy
Or like I just need excuses to **** around.
They are looking at me like they know me the way they know themselves.
They aren't telling me what I'm doing wrong.
They aren't telling me what I should be.
They're showing me all the people who made it out the other side,
And showing me I can be there, too,
And that it's beautiful.
And that's beautiful.
I can't stop crying but no longer because I am so sad,
Because I'm so happy to be reminded that I can really be happy;
Not again, but better.
I can't stop crying because of all the people who didn't believe me,
And who made me not believe myself.
He just looked at me and said
"How could anyone go through just a part of what you have and not feel this way?
You're so strong and we're going to help you, and you will be okay."
And for the first time in a year, someone told me that I will be okay,
And I actually believed them.
And that's why I can't stop crying.
Because I'm going to actually be okay.