I might be a ghost and I don’t know myself anymore
But I’m pulling up the anchor that traps me
Because I refuse to let the scissors cut the finish line
It will be all me, my sweat and happy tears
Flying through that moment because I’ve won
And I won’t be a ghost anymore
I will love myself like I deserve
I will love you like you deserve
My heart will be humming like a beehive
I will be alive

I’m a rosebud, I’m a rosebud
I just want to be beautiful
Twelve months have changed my life
I’m scarred and scared and scornful
I’m a bitter pill, I’m a bitter pill.

Eighteen year olds with worn blue jeans,
Laughing with alcohol in their veins.
And while you count your drinks tonight,
I’ll count every scar I’ve sewn into my mind.
And you can’t count all the jokes you’ve made,
I can’t count all my ******-up ways,
So I’ll bruise my mind and try to steady my hands,
But I can never meet depression’s demands.
I’m so tired of crawling under my own skin,
I just want someone to let my bad parts in.
But how can I expect someone to love me
When I can’t even like myself two days out of the week?

We used to intertwine like vines growing up a tree
Now the only thing that intertwines is this dark and me.
You’re tequila for my bones and braids, the starlet in my smoke,
This trick has got its grip on me; my song’s become a choke.
True love never fails and that’s my failure in the night
Marijuana medicine taken ‘fore twilight
Thoughts resurrect like zombies, grow between my veins,
Even when you’re absent you still keep me insane
Poetic, pathetic, diuretic, drain me of my blood
Mixing spit and hate and love until it becomes mud
Sheets of shame and guilt’s to blame for my empty heart
Foreclosed, alone, this isn’t poetry, this isn’t art
Eighteen and way too broken to be reckless and to care
Pull the trigger, shatter me, pull on my long dead hair
Scar-less little dream-catcher holding onto golden wings
Baby girl with bad dreams drinking up careless flings
I’m an alien with history just looking to get high
I prefer my world ******-up, on the rocks and extra dry.

I was buried ten thousand leagues under your sea,
Hide tide and low tide eroded me away.
From a great big rock to a land of sand,
I couldn’t get a grip without your hand.
But it’s been nearly a year; I’m growing like a tree.
After long surfing your wavelength, I am finally free.

Pride is a devil but your wings say otherwise.
I have been black and have been golden.
It’s hard to judge which is which.
But now I’m neither good nor bad.
Windows into people’s souls are never clear glass.
The only thing transparent about you is your promises.
I’ve got your letters all in boxes, handwriting of a beautiful life.
Who am I to judge when my memories of you are in a grave?
Your actions sliced me up inside but your hands feel so nice.
I’m scared to be your friend again but I’ve grown a mountain’s spine.
Kissing turns to coughing, hopeful turns to helpless.
I was once a good girl. You were once a good boy.
Nobody ever remembers how the roses looked dying;
They remember them brilliant in a clear perfect vase.
For the past year, all I’ve had is those roses on my mind.
I’m right to be afraid, but instead I just feel freed.
Let this day ring inside my mind, I’m happy alone.

the world can be beautiful
if you let it be
instead of trying
to always be realistic
be fantastical
and be optimistic
because there’s enough reality
that hits you every day
and not enough good
that you can dream at night
dream in the day
and breathe in the starlight
there will always be enough
to do to keep you grounded
so open yourself
and let your mind’s wings fly
don’t just look,
see and soar with your eyes
magical land or planet earth
it makes no difference to me
because we see what we try to see
and i decided i want to see happy