(1)
There are inner battles that
Are waging within my soul.
Insecurity strikes with
Swiftness of the snake.

(2)
Awaken, rejuvenate.
Life is far too short to waste
Precious breath on tired souls.
Awaken your peace.

(3)
I was so used to reading
Others emotions like it
Was biblical scripture.
You make me humble.

(4)
I stopped feeling the need to
Read into everything when
You showed me an open book.
It's such a relief.

It's your birthday
And you're not even here to celebrate.

So here I am,
With the one I love,
Toasting to a soul.

How I ******* wish you were here.
How I wish you could've met him.
How I wish you knew how happy I am,

But I still
*******
Miss you.

How I wish that instead of you
Being the healer, someone else
Could've healed you.

But we still
Couldn't
Save you.

The panic sets in and my lungs
Turn into mice held in the tyrannical
Grasp of the boa constrictor.

Tsunami waves of fear rush over
The surface of my skin like the
Tremors of an earthquake.

Heat rises to my eyeballs,
Red from the hot springs that
Were leaking from their ducts.

Breathe. Calm. Repeat
Until it becomes a mantra,
Or perhaps a curse.

Hire the witch doctor to
Medicate me, and exorcise
The demons from my brain.

Breathe. Calm. Repeat.
Fake it till you make it,
At least that's what they say.

I take everything to heart,
So watch what you say.
It'll run through my head
And bounce around my brain.

I don't know if it's the hormones,
Or my talent of overthinking,
But something isn't right in me.
I feel like I'm sinking.

I'll take everything to heart,
Even if you don't mean it that way.
I'll let it settle within my ears,
Make me sick to my chest all day.

I remember the hatred I had for you.

You, the glowing beauty I wish
I could be, waltz back into a life
You left broken and I
Picked up the pieces to.

You, the smiling sun, attempting
To blind those who stare in awe,
And set fire to the heart of one
Who would've given all for you.

You, the toxic waste puddle,
Returning to a person who
Was once home to seep
Back into his blood.

I remember the hatred I had for you.

You, the brave dragon,
Showing up to wreck a home
That never belonged to you;
I think you've always known that.

You, the wilting flower,
Beg to be served your water
From a crystal ashtray, getting
Attention you did not deserve.

You, the broken heart girl
With teeth like a shark and eyes
That wander; disappear like you do.
You are no longer welcome.