he gazed at her
as if she was
a sunset,
and he felt
the universe
in the palm
of her hand

she gazed at him
as if galaxies
existed in his eyes,
and she felt complete
with his hand
holding hers

i can't write
or think
or breathe
as well as i used to
anymore

my veins are clogged
with unspoken words
and my heart feels numb
with mismatched thoughts
that refuse to escape me

and at two in the morning
i am still wide awake
stifling, within my bitter heart,
the courage-
to put them down on paper

you swallowed my words
inhaled the fragments
and the pieces of me-
you inhaled them,
and i want to be able
to breathe on my own,
to fall asleep
without the heavy weight
of my own terrible thoughts,

but you ran away without
taking them first

we were butterflies
and crimson cheeks
and blooming daffodils
but forever has shattered
and now we are
catching glimpses
unsaid words
and choosing
to walk away

i'm not searching for "just for fun,"
the puppy-love craved by children
who desire clammy hand-holding
and uncomfortable glances

i don't want "just because"
or a filler just for now
until someone with brighter eyes
and a genuine smile
decides to replace me

i don't want to be a second option
or to force smiles
or to try and impress
all for the sake of a title

i want not being able to fall asleep
even with the weight of a whole day's stress
resting upon my heavy eyelids
and i crave
not being able to breathe
because then, the empty spaces
and incomplete pieces
in my lungs
in my heart
in my brain
will be overflowing
with thoughts of you

i fear heights,
spiders,
public speaking,
and being lost

i fear hospitals,
darkness,
long term commitments,
and feeling alone

i am so afraid
of miniscule things
and i must admit,
the monsters under my bed
have escaped
and made their way
into my head,

but what i fear most
is that one day,
you'll be staring
at a girl with glimmering eyes
looking at her with
admiration
pretty thoughts
and love in your eyes

and all your fears
have escaped
because you will have found
the center of your universe
and i fear
that i'll just be
another expired star
in your sky of
useless memories

today it occurred to me
that i really don't know you at all

i do not know your favorite books
or what kind of music you listen to
on long car rides to the seaside,

and i wonder about
all the places you'd like to visit
and your favorite constellations
in the starry december skies

but i do know that you have emerald eyes
and you mumble hushed words to yourself
and you look wonderful in red
(and you wear it quite frequently)

there are still countless things
i'd like to discover,
and you are an unfinished jigsaw puzzle
(like myself)
and i keep pondering on the idea
that i am the missing piece

"i'm sorry,"
you muttered
with a solemn glance

but sorry does not make up for
tear-stained pillows,
3 AMs spent wide awake,
fluttering butterflies
that always led to
disappointment

it does not make up for
midnight anxiety,
conflicted thoughts,
the hopes that rose
only to fall

an abundance of stale apologies
do not make up for
the countless times i needed you,
only to be greeted by
a familiar sense of lonely