i'm sick of being soft. tired of being the quiet, the delicate, the sensitive. do  not approach me for directions. give me canons. give me dynamite and fireworks. i'll balance that flame on my finger. i want that plum coloured lip. black bralettes under plush robes. six inch stilettos and a cig. ***** until i go numb. i don't care if the 3 am breeze raise goosebumbs, let me sleep on the pier if it means i get the whole night. i want to yell in conversation, argue with you until you cry. nobody will step on me. my hands are curled around kitchen knives. i want to luag h it off, laugh it off, laugh it off. i feel nothing, but somehow so, so alive-

I'm looking forward to hearing your sweet voice, and kissing your soft lips,
I'm look forward to pulling you in close, my arms wrapped around your hips,
I'm looking forward to seeing your smile, and pinning you to my bed,
I'm looking forward to seeing the sight, that I can't get out my head,
I'm looking forward to every moment I'll be spending with you,
and I'm kind of hoping that maybe, you're looking forward to it too

white lips and lilies, i don't think we're working whole. it's not just a soft said goodbye but a lullaby. one, two, three, i don't know what really happened, four five six? your car suddenly drove away from my driveway but it's still december. is your friend okay? don't worry, he'll cry and die and be okay. my mind is a juvenile, you see, it's a natural highway silly born June six done, you see. bipolar is not a joke, it's the clown! more of the more, more pain, please? lots of people said that kisses are define things but we kissed with our knuckles white and eyes wide open. why, ___ ? i almost write your name but i'm asleep don't wake me up don't wake me up don't wake me everytime a chime can be heard, i almost said "let's be real, our ocean is turning dry." flowers are nice. you see, i was not screaming. i'm saying no i am done, clouds, thanks. this is enough. i've been running from this one boy, you see, he throw me a really lot affections in every form, but i'm crying and my tears are two four three diamonds no him another boy 21 no 22 no 70. lots of things are free you see but not your time, please love me back please love me i'm begging disgusting silly driveway my friend said you're crazy i am not i'm define and serene no i am not 21 22 16, i'm 16, and i'm done, clouds, thanks, i was screaming. clouds, i love you but i'm 4feet under the ground, and i'm define. i'm done.

Theres no use in pretending that I don’t think of you often.
But there isn’t any use in telling you if you don’t feel anymore.
I have no words to say other than
“Please, don’t do this.”
But i will swallow them and say
“Hello, whats your name?”
Your absence is everywhere,
in strangers that have done me no harm.
God gave you a common name,
so that I could choke every time
I meet with it again.
I need to know that I will find better,
but tonight I’ll find home in the middle of a hurricane.
A hurricane
with
a
common
name.

She came to me crying,
And all I wanted was to wrap my arms around her
And utterly destroy whoever it was who hurt her.

Such is the life of an empath.

She came to me crying,
And the first words off my lips were
"How can I help?"

And she told the story,
Of how she watched him no longer care
And watched him fade away,
All the love they shared.

How he went from loving her smile
To not even wanting her around,
And she tried to explain
How bad it hurt.

But darling, don't you know?
I've been there before.
I've seen the change.
The brutal dishonesty
Of meaning less than nothing,
But darling don't you know?

That isn't love.
That's selfish desires
Causing lies
That cause fires.

But it gets so much better,
Beautiful darling,
It gets so much better,
Darling girl.

For the sun will set,
But the moon also rises,
And stars shine on your skin,
As though freckled with grace.

You will be so happy,
So someday,
So really,
You will be happy
Someday,
Really.

He'll come to his senses,
And it will be too late,
Darling girl,
You did the right thing.

And I wish I could tell you,
And that you would believe me
That it will be okay
And that your smile will grow
One day
And never fade.

I know for a fact
That it gets so much better,
But you cannot hear that now.

Instead I will tell you
Drink some tea,
Take a shower,
Wash your face,
Watch a movie.

You'll feel better
After a good night's
Rest.

“They say people want to be like who they admire, become the people who've touched their hearts. People also say a lot of things about teenagers. Especially those that write. They’re naive. They’re blind to cruel reality. They’re all dreams and no backbone. You wanna know why? They read. The books they read reach into them and draw pretty pictures on the walls of their hearts. Suddenly every other kid is chasing after these larger-than-life dreams of worlds to be built and stories to be told, naive, blind, dreaming, stupid kids reaching for the stars even though those pinpricks of light are older and farther than you could comprehend.

“What those books never show you is all the wannabes, washed up and jaded. ‘You were so close but so far.’ But all these almosts is all I see, and now I'm afraid to even dream of the stars. It's not like I’ll ever see them, right? The sky is smothered by all the hands reaching toward it.

“I’m afraid to dream, [omitted]."

“Don't be. Won’t do you any good.”

snort. “If only it was so easy.”

She moved methodically with lucid dreams
  streaked through the fibers of her hair
Her skin was made from sheets cut from
  the clouds that drifted lazily over heaven
Her eyes where iridescent pearls stolen
  from the depths of the pools of paradise
She twirled lighting between her fingers
  and pulled magic out of coins
Her voice carried the soft comforts of
  thunder
And she often whispered of the smell of
  rain
While playing songs about november on
  the broken strings of a dead piano
She could hypnotize the flame of a candle
  and set the whole world ablaze
As she hummed along with the madness
  hidden between the wings of moths
She pulled cotton candy out of  thin air
  and blow smoke rings that tasted of
    whiskey and lust
Her lips were glazed with a tranquil poison
  that held the promise of love
While the honey dripping from her tounge
  warned of the suicde of romance
I stared a moment too long and found
  myself tangled in a lucid dream
    caught between life and death

And still I am screaming from the base of my arteries "I gave all of me to you and you turned away"
Swollen and drunk on a Sunday I make my way to the foot of the cross and call out your name once more
I am a mess of American habits and self centered longing but still I long to be taken back into your living room and told that I am all that I was the day I opened myself to you
The day I washed your feet on your kitchen floor
Drunken and bruised laughing swearing that no matter how long I lived I would never ask for more
You made me pasta and ran your fingers through my hair
On days when my world bit at my ribs you reminded me that I was still there
In simple gestures of midnight snacks and open hands
I found you
I loved you
and I lost
And now I find myself at the foot of the cross
Spitting out your name like sour wine
See the holes in my hands
See the holes in my feet bore from your absence
See the slash in my side from which a river of black pours
Of all the ways I loved you and you never gave back
And now I lie broken and small in my sheets
Praying for some sign or relief that I am rid of you
That the nights we spent are gone
That your clothes are off my floor and my body still moves the way it did before you
Honest and fully free in the gentle morning
That no part of me longs for any part of you
That my hands are full
That my feet are guarded and my side safely stitched
That all of me
 is all I am
Instead of the lack,
Instead of the work of your hands.

For our father,
Who art in heaven
Never hallowed your name.
Though he let your kingdom come,
And your will be done,
He will restore my spirit.
On earth
As it is in heaven.
He will give me today my daily bread forgive my debts
Though I still have trouble forgiving you,  unholy debtor.
Though you lead me into temptation,
He has kept me safe from evil.
For yours,
Was never the kingdom,
The power,
Or the glory,
Forever and ever
Amen.