the smell before it rains and the taste of that first sip of tea in -20 degrees

the slow untangling of your thoughts with every beat of the drum, the way the wind blows right through you just enough to move you forward and never enough to blow you down

the sound of typing fingers when you know you're onto something good, the feeling of your own, and finally not his, skin

the seasons are changing and baby so are you / six senses are helping you develop into someone new

I broke a heart...
She cried so much, demons felt her sadness.
It's better this way, it's the only way I could ever get to you.
Dear future wife...
But what If you become my next victim?
I'm a ferocious wolf racing your pass.
Stop me and fix me, before we meet.

Lying
Is easier without eye contact.
In a text message,
You can say anything,
And they'll never know.

Yes, I read your letter,
No, I haven't cut recently,
Yes, I'm taking my meds,
No, I'm not thinking about killing myself.

They like to hear that last one.
No, I'm not thinking about killing myself.
But it's never the truth.
I am always thinking about killing myself.
Not like I'm thinking about going to work tomorrow,
But like I think that I could be a mermaid.
Sure, I'm probably not going to be a mermaid,
But it sounds like a nice escape sometimes, doesn't it?

Sometimes the rain drops
are so big and succulent
like mangoes
and tears
and temple bells
at dawn

The parched earth
smiles
and welcomes all
in her embrace
the rain drops
ripe mangoes
endless tears
and mystic sound
of temple bells
at dawn

old obsessive habits are beginning to unearth themselves and it takes all of me not to scream at the moon or the sun for cursing me  
i didn't know it was possible to feel this way since him but i am already planning living room layouts and vacations and trying to guess your phone password and wondering if your old "roommate" you are still friends with ever took up the spot on your mattress that i now rest in one night a week
i'm worried if we change it to 2 nights a week you'll get tired of me faster

the thing is: i am never not worried and i can't figure out what that says about us or you or me

i haven't written since february because the noise keeps getting louder and it has gotten harder to pick the words out of the static
not that i would ever blame you, obvously