The electricity
in that moment,
when your hand first
brushed past mine,
could have lit up New York City
for the night.

I could have lived in that moment.
Plugged in.
Turned on.

But, in the same way we got used to
light switches and indoor plumbing,
I got used to your touch.

What I wouldn't give
to go back to candlesticks and outhouses
for just one night
so that when you reach for my hand tomorrow,
I won't be jaded by the light that now seems
so perfectly ordinary.

When you said you liked me,
I smiled.
And when I went home,
I smiled.

When you said you liked my poems,
I smiled.
And when I went home,
I cried.

The walls
of my Fortress of solitude
are Formidable.
I can see out
but
they
can't see in.

My Clever Castle
is shielded
from those who wish to
tear
me
down.

Most days, people
walk right on by
maybe stopping to stare
for a just a
moment
or two.

As I stood at the top of my
Peaceful Palace
staring down at the manor
below,
I saw him
with a hammer and chisel
slowly
breaking brick.

It smelled like cheap beer
and stale cigarettes,
and my shoes stuck to the floor.

My head throbbed with an ache
even my ***** tonics couldn't soothe,
and watching you watching her made me
feel short of breath.

I shook her hand and smiled
as I glanced at the hickey on your neck.
You gave me a hug and offered me a cigarette,
and I smoked it in the corner
Alone.

My friend is a painter.
My friend is a singer.
Self-sabotage is the only thing I'm good at.

I'll *******,
If you want.
Cause I want it
Just as bad as you do.
But I also want to hear the rustle of the sheets
When you turn over in the middle of the night.
I want to feel your hot breath on my neck.
I want the stubble on your chin to graze my cheek
As you kiss me gently on the forehead.
And when I whisper "goodnight," you don't have to reply.
Just nudge me with your knee
Or poke me with your elbow.

So, I like lipstick
And kissing someone I know
Or someone I don't

I will only be comfortable
If you're as uncomfortable as I am.
I'll only let my guard down
If you let yours down first.

Someone once told me
That in every relationship
One person always cares more than the other.
One person's attachment runs a little bit deeper.

Ignorance is bliss,
But power and control,
I can't relinquish that.

A fish needs water
I need someone to love me
What's the difference?

If bad things come in threes,
Why do good things come one at a time?
Why do the bad things lead to the development of bad habits
Sleeping till noon, ******* down cigarettes
Like they contain oxygen.

Yet the good things are fleeting.
Not even around long enough to take a picture,
To hang on a cracking cork board above my bed.

Hello there, old feeling
I thought I bid you farewell
We have met so many times
And it always ends
In disaster

When we part, we vow
Never to speak of our tryst
For our forbidden love is over
Once again, and forever

Or at least until the next time
I say, "Hello there, old feeling,
I had forgotten about you"

Perhaps this is our fate
To meet in secret on occasion

And in the times we spend apart;
How bad I want you, but
How much better I am without you

Either way, old feeling
It's you I'm thinking of.

Your lips
Were the first thing I noticed
Gently parted
Breathing in and out

Oh to be your words
Conceived within your mind
Born upon your lips

Poetry.

Your lips are ******* poetry.

There is no place for me here

Where they dream of comfortable lives

Talk about football and weekend plans

Holding hands as they walk down aisle four

Split the grocery bill then drive home to his place

That will someday become their home

And oh how we wanted to travel and see things

Skydive, mountain climb

Travel to Africa, build houses, learn languages

And just be

But then that job offer was too good to pass up

And it’s so much easier to raise a kid with family close by

So we put it off for now

Just for now, for a little while

Until the timing is right

Until we have more money, vacation days

Then there was the new car, the college tuitions, and that trip with her parents down to Grand Cayman for their 60th wedding anniversary  

Now it’s graduations and grandkids

What happened to Africa?


They still go shopping

Together, sometimes

He pays with their credit card, she pushes the cart

They had a comfortable life

I want to be inspired by something
I mean really inspired
To change something
Make something better.

I want to care about something
I mean really care
To know what it feels like to love something
More than anything.

I want to have great ***
I mean really great ***
To lose myself in someone else
In pleasure and placidity.

I want to feel something
I mean, anything really
To assuage this suspicion
That I don’t have it in me.

She doesn’t move
when she thinks about him.
His thoughts consume her thoughts and
render her motionless.
She can’t cry when she thinks
about the time together they will never have ,
because how can you miss
something you don’t even know?
How can you lose
something you never even had?

It was fleeting,
But impressive.
It was impractical,
But not impossible.
Today I entertained the thought
Of leaving behind everything I know
For a chance at something
I don’t.
I’m still here.

Maybe it’s the weather.
It is raining.
Or maybe it’s the futility of life.
Maybe it’s the losing of friends.
The pressure to evolve
Into a carbon copy.
Maybe it’s the realization that everyone dies alone
No matter who you meet along the way.
Maybe it’s the lack of ambition
Mistaken for a lack of purpose.
Or perhaps the lack of purpose
Mistaken for a lack of ambition.
Or maybe it’s the weather.
It is raining.

Get some sleep, if you can.
It won’t be long before you have to start up again.
Go through the motions.
Smile when it’s expected.
Speak when it’s appropriate.
For a moment yesterday, you contemplated running away.
No, not running, walking.
For the only thing worth running from is yourself,
And darling, even you know better than that.
Leave.
Drive north until you feel like stopping.
With music loud, tank filled up, and a heart unchained,
You would drive.
Until you found beauty.
Until you found purpose.
Until the map turned blue.
Save it for a rainy day?
But the only difference is water, baby.
Cause you’ve got dark clouds aplenty.