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884 · May 18
innocent
minx May 18
keep it sweet
but i just really wanna
grind on your thigh
while your hand
softly strokes my side

i wanna be yours
but we have different interpretations
you wanna be my daddy
but i want you
to be my daddy

i can't help it
you can't help it
you're so excited
kissing my neck
snaking your hands tight around my waist

daddy, daddy, daddy
the endearment is so twisted in my mind
you won't ever be my daddy
but you'll always be my daddy
i'm so, so innocent, but am i really ?
whoops...
657 · May 19
man on fire
minx May 19
i’m losing control
i’m losing my mind
i’m losing myself
straight to the point
no slowing down

i can handle it all
i desire you, only.
i need you more than i need the red sun
following my instincts
trying to fan away my fever

no time for before
i can’t get enough
fill you up
blow away the smoke
i don’t get tired, i won’t get tired.

the way my heart burns for you,
hot, the sin of coveting the sun
let it fall, it’s all behind me
it’s ashes
but i don’t care, it’s just for your love

you might be the mistake i make every night,
watching you undress in front of my eyes
the gaze
of lustful longing
unbearable to yearn

i’d walk
into these
flames
if it’s for
   you.

i want you
without stopping
slaving through unstoppable desire
more, please
anything for you

i burn more
i need you badly
want you badly
my heart becomes thirsty for you
chest heaves, i’m losing control

this doesn’t have to be difficult
you owe me nothing
your iris burning holes through my clothing
fall in deeper
i know it in my head, but i can’t control my body.

you’ve got the body you don’t want to hide
swallow the pride,
the sun called you.
feel the burn
the feeling of yearning for me

i’d walk
into these
flames
if it’s for
   you.

without stopping
i want you
you want this ?
more, please
anything for you.

because i’d walk
into these
flames
if it’s for
   you.
stan ateez
minx May 13
𝚍𝚒𝚍
𝚒
𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜
𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗
𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐
𝚝𝚘
𝚑𝚒𝚖 ?
𝚠𝚊𝚜
𝚒
𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜
𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝
𝚝𝚑𝚎
𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
𝚔𝚒𝚍
𝚒𝚗
𝚑𝚒𝚜
𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚛 ?


...
𝚠𝚊𝚜
𝚒𝚝
𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢...

𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 ?
𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚝 ?

matias will never know what i feel for him. it's insane, really...
minx Jun 24
did you really think i wouldn't notice ?
of course i did. everyone does.
that's kind of my thing.
y'know, being noticeable.

so, what is it ?
an autograph ? a selfie ?
ah, don't tell me–
a kiss ?

look, i get it.
this face ? this talent ? this aura ?
it's a lot to take in !
but keep it together, yeah ?

the world keeps spinning
even when i bless it with my presence
beauty is much more than a construct
i'm this pathetic world's muse.

what do you want ?
but make it quick.
my schedule is... tight. you know how it is when you're me.
well, actually– you don't.


THANK YOU FOR THE PAIN, CAUSE IT GOT ME GOING VIRAL !

bro i just watched k-pop demon hunters THAT **** WAS AMAZING GO WATCH IT
in honor of it, here's a piece i've had locked up for a while !

it's actually the interlude of an exhibitionism piece i wrote, i promise to drop that soon.

i totally wrote this cause i was feeling like a **** hehe
266 · Jun 25
bloodstains and bacardi
minx Jun 25
i wanna take it 'till it's bad for me
you're like the one thing i want
and the one thing i can't have

i'll drown in my own blood and bacardi
before i put myself behind
and give into your pessimistic persona
b
206 · May 1
confessional
minx May 1
“please, daddy–
don’t make me confess my sins.”
i hadn’t ever been so close
close to heaven
feeling enough pleasure to be able to compare.

“tell me, angel.” he tenderly whispers.
oh, he wants the truth..
should i tell him what i’ve done ?
i don’t think he’d like hearing
what his darling daughter does after dark.



ANGEL’S iNTERLUDE

FORGiVE ME, FATHER
FOR i HAVE SiNNED.
iT’S BEEN TOO LONG
SiNCE MY LAST CONFESSiON.

i DiD SOMETHiNG BAD
BUT iT FELT FAR TOO GOOD TO STOP.
THE iMMORAL SiN OF SELF PLEASURE
WE SHOULD FOREVER STRAY AWAY FROM DESiRE.

i DON’T WANNA ADMiT TO SOMETHiNG SO TWiSTED
BUT i LOVE THE SCENT OF YOUR SKiN–
HOLDiNG YOUR TATTERED TEE BETWEEN MY TEETH
TO HOLD BACK MY SCREAMS

ON MY ACTS OF DiSOBEDiENCE
DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY REASON ?
MY URGE TO GiVE iNTO THESE CARNAL CRAViNGS ?
YOU COULDN’T POSSiBLY BLAME ME.

iT WAS HOT AND i WAS NEEDY.
PENT UP FROM PUSHiNG PAST PRiVATiON
BUT WE ALL BREAK AT SOME POiNT, RIGHT ?
i FiGURED i’D MAKE iT QUiCK..

THEN i FELT THE HEAVY PULSE LiKE A HEARTBEAT
AND i KNEW i WANTED TO ENJOY iT
i’M TiGHT, DRiPPiNG WET AND SOFTLY GLAZED WiTH ESSENCE
i JUST COULDN’T WAiT PATiENTLY ENOUGH FOR YOUR PRESENCE

THERE WAS NO GOiNG BACK FROM THERE
i REALiZED i WOULD EiTHER GO TO HEAVEN
OR FEEL iT.
CLEARLY, i CHOSE THE LATTER.

AH, i PENETRATE, PUSH DEEPER AND DEEPER iNSiDE
THE NEED TO KEEP QUiET
BUT i WANTED YOU TO HEAR
TO KNOW THE SiDE OF ME THAT i DiDN’T EVEN KNOW MYSELF

MiND FALLS TO THE THOUGHT–
YOU LiCK THE SLiCK BETWEEN MY LEGS
TAKE THE MiLKY NECTAR
AND LET iT GLOSS OVER YOUR LiPS

OVERSTiMULATiON OVERLOAD
i’VE REACHED MY ******
SUCH A MESS, iT TRiCKLES DOWN MY THiGHS
AS i LET OUT A SYMPHONY OF SOFT WHiSPERED SiGHS

TASTE MYSELF ON THE TiPS OF MY FiNGERS
STiCKY AND SWEET LIKE HONEY
PRACTiCALLY POURiNG OUT
EXUDiNG THE ADDiCTiVE AROMA OF AROUSAL.



my thoughts intrigue me !
they lead me to imagine explicit things
i’ve never once thought about.
these all-consuming fantasies of you
that preoccupy my mind late during twilight.

“you shouldn’t speak like that, my dear.
indulging in such desires
can have dire consequences.
it’s like playing with fire,
though i know you like the way it burns.”

the night calls
and i just couldn’t help myself,
i had to tend to the appetite
and please to the calling
one way or another

the satin sheets soak up my shame
drenched in self pity
along with stigma
sultry noises escape my parted lips
suddenly sparking up the feeling again
religious trauma

edit- well, i didn't realize i hadn't put the ACTUAL words-- the "please, *daddy*--" and the "darling *daughter*" oops ah.. um... kyu cough..

(i got creative and took this poem and wrote a story based on it, too.)

also-- i guess i never mentioned, but the iNTERLUDE poems are my own personal format. very unique. four lines//one stanza with the fragmented i's ?! that was all me ~!
173 · Apr 30
DON'T RESIST.
minx Apr 30
you’re mine.
even if you can’t be.
you’re mine.
even if it destroys me.
mine. mine, mine, mine.

i’m apathetic to the world
but i feel for the need to own you
with every vein in my body.
my love could be mistaken
as a crime


GEMiNi’S iNTERLUDE

ARREST ME
MAKE ME YOUR OWN, SELFiSHLY
BECAUSE THERE’S NO ONE
BUT YOU TO LOVE ME

NO ONE CAN PROViDE ME
THE DANGEROUS FEELiNG OF YOUR SAFETY
YOU’RE POSSESSiVE AND OBSESSiVE
YOU GET ME CLOSER TO GOD

YOU’RE THE ONE !
THEY WARNED YOU
YOU WANT ME
TOGETHER, WE CAN BRiNG RUiN TO THIS FORTRESS

LOOKiNG iN YOUR MALEVOLENT EYES
YOU HUNGER FOR SOMETHiNG iNSATiABLE
BLiNDLY BREAK DOWN MY WALLS AS YOU
HOLD ME AND ADORE ME.




i desire to see your wrists bound together, at my mercy
my pure sadistic ecstasy
letting me own your every inch of flesh
to claim your beating heart
morphing into one

i don’t care if she wants you as much as me
i don’t care if she’s had you before
you should know that you don’t belong with me, but to me.
because you’re mine.
even if i have to force you to be.

my name
will be your last breathe.
don’t underestimate
what i can do.
look what your love has made me become–
this is a part of a duo poem !! this corresponds with my piece, POLICE!! the main speaker for this piece, (the lowercase) is THE COP, GEMiNi'S father figure-- while GEMiNi voices the fragmented text.

do you see what i alluded to please tell me you know what i made an allusion to please please please
169 · Jun 8
daddy, why ?
minx Jun 8
daddy, why did you kiss me there ?
why did you run your fingers down my spine
knowing what it makes me feel
knowing how i react
did you just not care ?

daddy, why did you touch me there ?
grazing your finger over pretty parts you shouldn't touch
knowing it hurts my soul and mind
knowing that i'll make me anxious
did you just not care ?
stop it,
156 · Apr 30
selfish waltz
minx Apr 30
oh, i don’t know
and i can’t describe it
we sit in this mess
once again
it feels like war tonight.

why are you acting this way ?
i see and feel your frozen eyes
i feel like we’ve gone crazy
we spit out sharp words to each other
things that can’t just be “forgotten.”

cover your eyes
you’re so selfish
acting as if you’ve never been loved
knowing we both regret it
knowing i would regret it.

this is the same every time.
oh, it’s like a waltz,
turning again and again
if we aren’t moving forward,
then we’re staying still.

my head is pounding, just stay quiet
don’t say a word
simply surrender.
what are you angry for,
the irony ?

i’m going crazy
we’re out of sync.
what do i do ?
this terrible love puts us together
and tears us apart

unable to escape from this endless cycle,
i linger by your side
acting as i’ve never loved
it’s cold, and i regret it
we know.

the same things, it’s like a waltz
turn and twirl in place
the never ending war-like love song
we just spend the night dancing,
forced into acting like we’ve ever loved

the next step is meaningless like the last.
we have nothing to be excited about
blindly repeat your apologies
and it’s like i said, it’s like a waltz
we turn again and again, never moving forwards.
STAN ATEEZ !!!! STREAM SELFISH WALTZ !! ON THAT !!!!!
155 · Jun 3
SUPRA CRAZY
minx Jun 3
Mingi glanced between the toy car and his face in turn.
"So you ended up finding a Supra ?"
“Yeah. Parked down a side street.
Couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her.
Felt like God put her there, just for me to have. You know ?
“Yeah, I know,” Mingi agreed with a slow nod.

“Feel it every time I look at you, baby.”
super-*******-crazy

COLLATERAL DAMAGE // sugamins
152 · Apr 30
POLICE.
minx Apr 30
you come in without a warrant
where’s your sense of respect ?
do you enjoy belittling me ?
because this isn’t ‘good cop, bad cop’.
you two are ‘bad cop, weak cop’.

stab through my heart then lay it before your eyes
reading every yearning thought
every meaningful emotion
every single desire i’ve ever had.
and you put it in a police file.

sit my witness in the uneasy room
it’s cold in here.
it’s december.
take your file, open it wide
display my mind, my fears that i’ve kept hidden for so long.



COP’S iNTERLUDE

i’M THE ONE
i KNOW WHAT’S BEST.
SURE, i HAVEN’T KNOWN YOU YOUR WHOLE LiFE
BUT i’VE DONE MY RESEARCH.

i’LL HAVE YOU BENT OVER MY CRUiSER
YOUR WRiSTS BOUND TOGETHER BY MY CUFFS
THE METAL iS COLD
i HOPE iT LEAVES A SCAR ON YOUR WHITE HEART

POSSESS YOU BEHiND BARS
i’VE PUBLiCLY EXECUTED YOU
RESiSTiNG ARREST iS SELFiSH, LiTTLE GiRL
YOU ARE LEGALLY CONDEMNED BY MY COMMAND.

DON’T UNDERESTiMATE WHAT i CAN DO.
POWER DRiPS OFF OF MY BODY
i MAY BE A COP
BUT MY LOVE iS A CRiME.



you say
you love me
like a father
as if i
was your own blood.

i don’t resist.
because there’s no one but you
! to ruin me
you build me up
then break me down.

i barely had a father,
who could love me.
you did much more than i could ask for,
but that’s the issue.
i didn’t ask for any of this..

i’ll always be your girl
even if i can’t be
disregard the feelings, the flames
the need coursing through your veins
what will you do if i resist ?
yipyip the connecting piece to DON'T RESIST !! the main speaker for this, is GEMiNi-- and the fragmented text being THE COP !

father figures are a recurring theme with me...
143 · Apr 30
eyes.
minx Apr 30
if who i am is what you see
what do you see when you look at me ?
across the room
across the world
your eyes are the one thing i catch.

the invisible, unbreakable string ties us together
holds me by the neck
your gaze grazes my lips
and you forget her presence--
october is endless.

--

ViCTORiA’S iNTERLUDE

VICTORiA, SAY iT BACK
i CAN’T BE LEFT ON THE LAST WORDS
THE EiGHT LETTERS.
WHO HURT YOU ?

BRiCKS ARE WEiGHiNG DOWN ON YOUR HEART
NOTHiNG’S EVER GOOD ENOUGH
NOTHiNG HERE COULD SAVE YOU
OR YOUR CUTTHROAT KiNDNESS

CRASH MY CAR WiTH ME iNSiDE
LiQUiD GOLD LEAVES YOU FEELiNG PUT TOGETHER
CRASH MY LiFE BUT i’M NOT MAD
BECAUSE iT WOULDN’T FEEL RiGHT WITHOUT YOU

YOU’RE ONLY EiGHTEEN
HOW COULD ANYONE HATE YOU
i FALL FOR YOUR KiND
YOU STAY THE SAME AND iT’S DANGEROUS

SO MUCH SMOKE
ViCTORiA, THiS HAS ME FEELiNG SO LOW
YOU’RE CRUiSiNG WiTH YOUR EYES CLOSED
LEAViNG ME WiTH NO CLOSURE

YOU’VE DROVE ME AWAY WITH YOUR EMOTiONS
LEFT TO FORGiVE AND FORGET
AFTER BREAKiNG ME BADLY
BLURRY ViSiON, ViCTORiA, i’M BLEEDiNG OUT AND BRUiSED.

--

victoria, what will it take ?
you were the closest thing i had to her
but now that i do have her
there’s no need for you
there’s no need to be jealous.

you’ve given me nothing.
can’t i ask for one thing,
i just wanted you to burn the strings
but instead you cut the ties.
you’ve given me closure.

i guess it takes conflict
to know who really takes you far
but no matter how far we split
our string stays tied.
haven’t we been through this before ?
she knows who she is !! mhmmm, victoria ??
136 · May 1
hmm.. what to do..?
minx May 1
my mind is going insane
to where i have to
!         pour
into this poem.
and i don't like venting.

she's not mine.
technically, she never was
and i can't be thinking this way--
with a girlfriend of my own
but how could i not when she looks at me like that ?

victoria, if you want me
just please
come and take me
take me into your embrace
it's all i can think about

all i can imagine
(and trust, it's not enjoyable
it taunts me in the late hours of the night)
your flushed skin with the
hot water running down your supple skin

i want her body on mine
but i shouldn't
and i burn,
lying in bed with the aching need
the anticipation because i know i'll see her tomorrow.

i only want you to look at me
when i'm pretty
i can't stand the idea
of you seeing me
at my worst. such a letdown

i can't walk down the campus halls
without passing by you
avoiding your gaze as you do the same
only for me to turn my head as you brush my shoulder
to see your eyes already on me.

this is so annoying, my god--
you had me
for all of october
but you didn't take me
you took advantage of me

it's unfair, honestly.
i have so many things i want to tell you
to share with you
but i dunno,
we'll always avoid each other.

is this how it'll be at graduation ?
i'll slip past you, and vice versa
only to turn
and see your dark eyes
ALREADY ON ME !

victoria, please !!
anything !!!
pull me in the empty classroom
push me in the backseat of my NSX-R
victoria, please !!

is that so much to ask for ?
your underlying urges
the romantic tension
that we both know
is much more than romantic

i can't tolerate this anymore
ic an 't tol er a te thi san ym or e
m ymin d ism ov in gin fra gm ents
i don' tkn ow w hati s re al an ymo re
ish ou ldp rob ab ly ge t s ome he lp !
victoria, please !!

(i can't tell if she's dumb or deliberate anymore guys-- does she want me after telling me to disregard her girlfriend who she was on no speaking terms with while she led me on for all of october while flirting and touching and showing up to my pep rallies just to see me dance while other people told me she was into me and checking me out and like we even had matching necklaces 'n everything and she religiously wore that ** until randomly stopping and supposedly reconnecting with her girlfriend and ghosting me for another month then randomly coming back to me then i confessed and she rejected me and she told me to stay her friend causing alllll these problems that i am to blame for apparently with her and her girlfriend, now ex that i solved with the help of my ex-best friend and everything was perfect for two months until they randomly dropped me, only for girlfriend-ex-girlfriend to tell F that she wanted an invite to my party and be nice to me for three days and not even tell me if she's gonna come then F tells me not to invite emely which is victoria ah hell i name dropped oh well anyways so i invite em to my party and everything is perfect kinda but i haven't talked to em since she mentioned unblocking me on instagram like you blocked me wow i'm offended then go back to ghosting to where it ends up being we only pass each other in the halls and turn to look then look away good god and now it's to the point where i just want you to slam me on a wall or shove me in the back of my car i totally missed so many details sorry for DUMPING that holyshit oh my go--)
126 · May 13
cathedral
minx May 13
i confessed my sins, and look where it brought us
after years in the catholic church
spines ramrod straight and hands clasped in prayer
your sworn chastity after we lost the love of our life
clench your jaw shut, voice and empty void of intimacy

sunlight, fractured through the kaleidoscope of stained glass
dusty windows, dusty air filled with the thick scent
of lilies from the morning service.
you always did like the evenings
but you love our after hours, more.

my attention wanders
the priest's empty sermon is full of sh..
resisting temptation ? those words echo
mockingly in my ears.
how lovely !

i wore the satin dress you love
the one i shouldn't wear in public
because it barely meets the church's requirements
but you'd do anything to see the silhouette of my body
the muted lavender draping over my frame like water

ever attuned to me, your gaze falters
your eyes meet mine in gentle inquiry.
'i have a weird fixation with that dress...'
the satin was so gorgeously draped on me
'i want to own her..'

the soft light caught the curve of my neck
my head bowed in mindless prayer
it stirs a disquieting warmth within your *****
a sensation wholly inappropriate for your daughter
'forget about it, forget about it, forget about...'

shake the feeling
let it flee from your mind
but you can't help the urge to pull me into your lap
just to... feel me in your space.
if she couldn't be a part of him, he'd settle for her being on top.

his attention has always conjured a different feeling in me
i had to have been misinterpreting it,
but was i really ?
the way he caressed my hips and thighs when he could,
whispering sweet nothings in my ear

these thoughts, these sinful
sinful
thoughts..
they can't be one sided !
can they ?

the focus on faith
always had me feeling
as if we lacked emotional intimacy.
so my mind
sought it in other areas.

the drive home was quiet
with the prospect of our self-conducted confessional
looming over her in the NSX-R
as a judgement of my own actions.
i dreaded what was to come.

i know you notice my silence
i hear your hands clench the leather
your eyes flickering towards me,
my frame against the blurred cityscape
'what could she possibly be stressing over ?'

our home, modest, but meticulously kept
i hear you move with the usual quiet efficiency
i trail, i trail, i trail
unease burgeoning with every fleeting moment
the low clinks of cutlery do nothing to soothe my frayed nerves.

"so pretty..."
'did i say that out loud ?'
yes, daddy, you did !
but my eyes are still glazed,
focused on nothing

you can't help it
the way my dress hung so elegantly on my pale body
my defined collarbone, and slim neck
just begging you
to pepper heated kissed to show 'affection'

you tell yourself
it's just a father's pride in her mother's beauty
but the treacherous voice
keeps telling you
it's something more. something dangerous.

you tell me i seem troubled
and you ask me what is wrong
your tone is laced with something slightly foreboding
"i have something i should tell you."
my cheeks flush. "don't worry. nothing's wrong, daddy. it's about me."

...

he sat closely beside me on the sofa,
taking my delicate hand in his.
he adores my slim features,
my pale skin
that he wanted to blemish so badly.

his touch, usually a source of reassurance,
now sent a confusing shiver through me.
his hands, strong and capable,
were one of the features i often found myself fixating on
during my forbidden twilight thoughts.

his demeanor was curious,
and he couldn’t help but imagine what i had to say.
“i’m listening, angel,”
he prompted,
his thumb gently stroking the back of her hand.

i finally met his eyes,
my own filled with a mixture
of shame and a desperate need for…
something i couldn’t quite articulate.
validation, maybe ?

the gaze you returned
was uncomfortable,
but i couldn’t look away.
“please, daddy–
don’t make me confess my sins.”
part one,

WHERE ANGELS FALL

piece : INSATIABLE

(this is my work, based on a coarse and heavy hearted narrative i wrote. based on true events ! ha.. haha...)

[it's also why the dude in my banner photo is sitting in the gothic cathedral. you're welcome for that visual.]

--- EXCERPT FROM : INSATIABLE

He knew he shouldn’t feed into these fantasies, no matter how much he wanted to. She wasn’t special. Merely just a teenage girl who had a pretty body. Of course he’d be attracted !

Yunho finally broke the silence, his voice low and husky. “Angel-ah… do you realize what you’ve done ?” His question was filled with slight venomous undertone, but along with his body language, softly shivering with frisson.

Angel looked at him, her eyes filled with tears and a strange, unsettling mixture of remorse and a perverse satisfaction. She had confessed her sins, laid bare the darkness within her. Now, she would have to face the consequences.

Yunho shifted in his seat, his frame radiating slight anger, although it was with himself. He looked away from her, eyes pacing slowly across the room, his hands running through his hair. “This… this is a grave sin, Angel,” he stated, his voice strained. “A sin against God, against yourself… against me, even.” His breathing faltered. His insatiable hunger was evident, matched only by his raging hard-on. He knew he had to remain faithful. Yunho mentally blamed this on the Devil. The Devil had to have poisoned their minds with these thoughts, and fantasies– and he’d put up with it no more.

Angel watched him, her heart pounding in her chest. She knew what came next. The ritual of confession was always followed by punishment, a way to atone for their transgressions. For her, she knew, the penance would be physical.

Yunho sighed, and turned to face her, his eyes dark in primal senses. “You know the teachings, baby. You know that actions have consequences.”

She nodded slowly, her gaze fixed on the floor. He stood, gesturing her over.“Come here, Angel.”

Her legs felt heavy as she walked towards him. He stood tall, his usual gentle demeanor replaced by a stern formality. He led her to his study, a small room lined with religious texts and photographs. He closed the door, the click of the latch echoing in the tense silence.

He sat on a stool in the corner of the room. Yunho patted his lap, expecting her to lie across him. “Here.” Angel obeyed, her torso pressing against his thighs. She lowered her head, her long dark hair falling forward, obscuring her face.

---
122 · May 14
little sinner
minx May 14
the moonlight,
a cold ******
shines through the lace curtains
frustration simmered beneath her skin
between her legs

it's always him, although
she knows it shouldn't be
the center of her forbidden fantasies
her first love--
her father.

clutched in her trembling hands,
his worn out t-shirt
smelling faintly of warm vanilla and musk
was a pathetic substitute
for the reality she craved.

her fingers, tracing the swell of her breast
felt like a betrayal.
a clumsy imitation of
the rougher, more demanding touch she yearned for.
this wasn't him.

ever the imaginative little girl she was
her mind conjured him with chilling clarity.
he stood over her
a shadow over the pale moonlight
his dark eyes holding their predatory gleam.

"little sinner," he'd snarl, his voice a low rasp
the endearment twisted into a cruel accusation
he'd reprimand her
sending her into a thrill
a prelude to the dominion she desired

her breath hitched
her fingers slipping lower
mimicking the pressure she fantasized
his hand, firm and possessive, forcing her thighs apart.
"open for me."
piece two

WHERE ANGELS FALL.

piece : SATIN SINS

(this is my work, based on a coarse and heavy hearted narrative i wrote. based on true events ! ha.. haha...)

[it's also why the dude in my banner photo is sitting in the gothic cathedral. you're welcome for that visual.]
112 · Jun 8
prom night
minx Jun 8
i wish i went to prom
so i could give you that dance
as i smiled at your sparkly eyes
pearly white teeth and soft, almost satin hair,
i wanted you that night.
i wish i went
108 · Jun 14
he deserved to shine.
minx Jun 14
It was obvious that Hongjoong didn’t belong next to them.
The wealthy private school kids.
In Yunho’s eyes, he was a scrappy teenager that only got in because of his academic talent.

If it wasn’t for that scholarship, Hongjoong would be back in Busan, going to public school and working part time at the docks with his single father.

Although, it would probably be healthy for Yunho to admit that he was envious of Kim Hongjoong and his work ethic for both home and school, he didn’t.

It would only serve another reminder that Hongjoong is just… better.
He has a strong dynamic with his father.

Hell, he had a father.

No one wants to deal with a pissy little rich kid with daddy issues.

And he’s new. A fresh face for the academy.

It’s like buying a diamond.
It’s all attractive and sparkly until you see it too many times.
Then it gets old.
And people are just waiting until a new diamond drops into Seoul for them to admire until it dulls down to ****.

Yunho didn’t wanna be dull. He deserved to shine.
creds// WILDCARD
107 · Apr 30
9110
minx Apr 30
on nights i feel like i might die
i hear the click of her heels bound in rhinestones
that once glimmered in the sunlight
burning through the kaleidoscope of the stained glass
as wedding bells rung through the cathedral.

the ink is now smudged
from the love letter you left.
roses don’t live forever.
the air is rich with the sour scent
of the dark decay from the flowers



RYAN’S iNTERLUDE

YOU MEANT NOTHiNG TO ME.
THE YEARS WE SPENT TOGETHER
ARE NOW TWiSTED iN YOUR NAiVE MiND AS YOUR MiSTAKE.
YOU RUiNED THiS FAMiLY.

MY KiSS GOODNiGHT
NOW STAiNS YOUR SOFT SKiN
YOU KNEW i NEVER WANTED TO BE YOUR FATHER
BUT MAYBE iT’S BECAUSE i DiDN’T WANT TO CALL YOU MY DAUGHTER.

i’D HOPED YOU HEARD THE DEGRADiNG WORDS i WHiSPERED.
i HOPED THAT YOU’D BLAME iT ON YOURSELF
SO iT COULD FiNALLY TAKE THE WEiGHT
OF AN AFFAiR OFF OF MY BACK.



i did what you asked and lay the table with the extravagant silverware
our dinners that used to be filled with warm chatter
and lighthearted banter between ‘father’ and ‘daughter’
now start and end with the same sullen eyes of mine
and your head low with heavy breaths.

things will never be the same.
once i slammed the doors,
i never returned the key
the bronze brass that jingles on my chain
knows it won’t ever be used again– because i can’t go back there.

sometimes i think i can run back
to receive solace from the empty rooms
and the echo of the wooden floors
the cold marble counters you pressed me against
late at night when you whispered you loved me.
thanks, ryan !! thanks for marrying my mother and treating her like dogshit ! thanks for manipulating me and degrading me ! much much *much* appreciated ! yeah, really ! yeah-- cause it was sooo necessary !
minx May 24
you only call me daughter because you wanna hear me call you daddy
i see right through your act.
what a sick kink you have.. --so funny-- i have it, too !!
i won't give it to you if you ask.
100 · Jun 25
darling boy, the ponyboy
minx Jun 25
you call him your baby, so he might as well act like one
yunho's always been one to bite the hand that holds the milk bottle
you wanna see him act out so you have a brat to punish
but you ain't seen nothing yet.

we wanna knock you into next week with what we could tell you
darling boy throws a temper tantrum,
but maybe that's cause they don't listen to what baby wants

if i gotta get hit to earn my hit
then i'll do it.
he just wants your attention, and he wants them to see it.
cause all they see now is god in the eyes of a boy in the stable stalls

darling boy gets a sugar cube if he behaves well
he knows just what to do
but he wants you to crack that whip over his yielding spine to make it hurt

so don't speak to him in that precious mother tongue
he wants to hear the low, sensual note of your sweet 'enchante' rolling off
or maybe he wants to hear you nicker like a horse
since you're his friesian, such a beautiful stallion

give him what he wants
a mass of bruises and scars and they spill out all over the sheets
not too hard, just raise your fist and let it fall with the same impact of their words

stick it and twist it
see how much i writhe for you
darling boy loves it much
can you see it in his dead eyes ?

he misses the soft 'sweetheart' of his daddy
especially as he sees birthday wishes which read like death notes
give him something good to remember

call us the master and pupil
the stallion and the foal
his eyes glimmer at sight,
because the stud and the syringe are one and the same

we don't like the disrespect, dongwook, look me in the face
darling boy has black eyes and both cold hands
on the barrel of the--
jeong yunho's long awaited lpb piece.

he's my favorite character, but maybe it's cause he reminds me of myself.

i love his dead eyes, dark soul, his mindless bleating and his heart bigger than a foal's

little ponyboy//sugamins
minx Jun 7
don't you know, when you're angry you go crazy
you go so wild, face flushed with a stiff spine
clenched fists and clenched teeth
moments from throwing a little tantrum
because it's so... unfair.

"why he, and not me !" he wailed, shivering, shuddering
the bass in his deep voice booming like thunder
little baby gets angry,
fussing like a child
needing the elder to settle him down, ease his rhythmic stimming.
you don't treat them like you treat her. why is it that self expression has left her feeling like she needs a guard ?

is this.. fair ?
minx Jun 22
On the other line, Song Mingi laid in bed, completely at ease, for once. A fresh blunt hung from his still fingers, wafting the disgustingly amazing aroma through his dim bedroom, the only sounds being heard were the occasional inhale and the traffic outside.

Every time he breathed in, he could practically feel the stresses and sorrows leaving his body. That’s one thing he liked about it. It made all his problems go away– or at least slightly more moderate than they’d usually be.

Reaching to his left, he fumbled the painkillers off of his cluttered nightstand.
Setting the blunt between his lips, he twisted the cap off, shaking one out onto his hand before knocking it back into his mouth. He crunched it between his back teeth, before downing it with a glass of lukewarm water.

This is how it always went. Smoke a blunt, headache, knock back prescription pills every four hours until he couldn’t feel anything at all. That’s the beauty of synthetic satisfaction.

Never lets you down.

People ask him why. Well, just imagine losing everything, and then throwing away the best thing you had. You would force yourself into bitter evenings in the clouds, too, if you had nothing better to do.

It’s the idea of always feeling like you’re never enough even when you’re still doing too much. It’s overwhelming, and to Mingi, there was only one thing that could wash away the miserable shame and anxiety. He’d rather be disgusted with himself than let other people be disgusted with him.

So he inhales. And he doesn’t exhale, because he’s not so sure he deserves to.

Picking the bottle of pills back up from his lap, he places it back down on his nightstand. As he does, his phone goes off four more ******* times. ‘If you’re not dying, then why are you texting me repeatedly ?’ He snatches up his phone, tapping it to be met with the glowing lockscreen.

Jeong Yunho. Jeong Yunho, Jeong Yunho, Jeong-*******-Yunho.

Even seeing his name on his screen sets off a whole new bundle of triggers in his mind. It’s like cutting open a wound that took so long to heal and letting dirt air settle on it. He scrolls through the messages, letting out little laughs before his heart falls.

“I want us back.”

Mingi choked out a sob. “Oh, Yunho…”


Song Mingi: are you drunk ?
Song Mingi: yunho ???
more of BACARDI ***** because i have some motivation

portrayal of emotions through actions,
86 · Jun 26
BREAKNECK
minx Jun 26
i'm not even famous,
but all my ****'s the latest

not your sweet sixteen
i'm nineteen and naughty
a little needy, but i'm not naive
i'm all a stupid boy like you will ever need

no white collar, i use a different type
gotta put you in your place, keep you on my leash

you like my low body kit
i'll swerve the supra faster than you fall to your knees
faster than the stark command of my sweet voice
"ah, did you feel that ~?"

when i walk, they turn their heads
call me your idol, take a quick pic for your friend

i'm affluent, i just can't hide it
we breath the same air, but we're not on the same level
needless to say, i'm your trendsetter
don't try to compare

everybody wanna be me
but i'm not even famous
oops i was feeling mean again
this happens a lot

think it's going to my head

sorry not sorryyyy~ (i'm so sorry)
86 · Jun 27
puppy's collar
minx Jun 27
my muse, with the collar round your neck
i hope it restricts
cause i like hearing you gasp for air

my muse, with the low cut top
i like to think i can hear the buttons pop
cause you're just too shy to do 'em yourself

my muse, with the bright eyes
prettily pawing from down below
you sit like a puppy waiting for your treat
i dunno if you deserve it, though...


new banner new profile hehe yunho so pretty

he's such a puppy boy i just wanna nhhhhh...
82 · Jun 4
rosary boy
minx Jun 4
Yunho had no idea that Mingi was touching himself right now.

Touching himself and thinking about his warmth, his body pressed up against him, his sweet-smelling hair.

How he had looked as he had danced in front of him, with his arms lazily lifted above his head and his eyes closed as he softly swayed to the dreamy music.

Those dark curls in his armpits, and how they would match the thatch between his lean thighs. The thatch that was hidden within his little briefs.

How virginal he looked in his all-white underwear, especially when he got
onto his knees to pray. The way his lips had brushed against the blue rosary beads as he had prayed …

and how they would look if he were to slip the dangling chain between them.
Deeper and deeper, bead by bead, until the silver crucifix was brushing against the back of his tongue.
Until it started slipping down his throat to the wet sound of his gagging and–
i love catholic characters so much

trouble's gonna find you // sugamins
82 · May 6
so you're back ?
minx May 6
i can't ever have what i want,
can i ?
goodfuckinggod--
i promised you i'd always be here
why couldn't you do the same ?

"sorry, i won't be at your party, baby--"
no, it's okay. i'm okay
you'll be gone by then
and it's okay. that's okay.
even though i want you there

i want you there
i want you.
she doesn't deserve you !!
you and i, we're too good for this world
our empathy overlooks her.

you took her to prom 'n everything
matched her dress with your tie
texted me that night-- after leaving me alone for three months
again in the morning
"baby, i'm so in love with her."

hmm.
really, now.
so you're back ?
but not really.
god, you don't understand how horrible you are

you make me lose my ****, i swear.
the night i need you most
you won't even be there
you're called to combat.
i always loved how strong you were

i hated that you gave yourself to her
like we did to each other
you were supposed to be mine forever
you weren't supposed to want intimacy outside of us
--us. can i even say that anymore ?
thank you matias for being the best big brother ever. i love you and i hate the girl you put your time into. she can go ***** herself.
#m
minx Jun 18
“Geonho, I’d just like to say thank you for your commitment to the company. I know I’m not apart of your bloodline, but with how long I’ve been working for your family, I feel so truly honoured to be here, it really feels like it. You boys are amazing.” An older lady said, reaching over to pat his shoulder.

She was one Yunho recognized, especially after countless interactions between she and his mother. He knew she was dear to Mommy, and now Geonho.

Must be something to be that loved.

Another man –the one sitting directly next to Mingi– spoke up. Yunho didn’t know his name– knew he must’ve been given such a high position in the company since they fired the lowlife his father had been hooking up with.

And oh, he was just as terrible. He’d clearly downed too many glasses of scotch, the flush on his cheeks betraying his act of sobriety. He leaned back in his seat with an entitled flair, draping his arm over the back of Mingi’s chair.

“Ah, Geonho-ssi,” the man slurred slightly, gesturing vaguely with his glass, elbows on the table ‘n everything. “I must say, watching you two young men, so polished, so promising… it reminds me so much of your father. What a character !! A true force, one to be reckoned with.” He took a long swig, a knowing smirk stretching his lips.

“He certainly knew how to keep things… lively, hmm ? Especially with the ladies. He was quite the active man. Always had his hands full, whether with a new venture or, well, other ventures outside the home, yeah, Geonho ? Never knew where he’d be next, did you !” He let out a loud, booming laugh, clearly finding his own observation so-*******-hilarious.

Geonho, who sat at the head of the table, forced a tight, uncomfortable chuckle, running a nervous hand through his hair. “Yes, well, Father certainly had a… unique.. approach to things.” He attempted to pivot the conversation, clearing his throat. “But we’re trying to forge our own path, focusing on–”

“Hope you boys find a better work-life balance when you take over, for your families’ sakes.” That entitled ***** cut in, undeterred, his gaze now sweeping over Yunho with a backhanded pity.

“Wouldn’t want any… distractions like that keeping you from your true priorities, huh ?”

Yunho, who had been listening with a sickening blend of forced calm and internal fury, felt his blood run cold, then boil. Those words hit him like the impact of a nitro boosted *****. His jaw was clenched so tight his teeth ached.
He watched his brother’s strained smile, the way he tried to brush it off, minimize the bleak insult.

It was a direct insult to not only their father, but to them. Almost warning them not to fall down the same path. His eyes, burning with inferno, snapped from the smirking colleague to Geonho, and then down to his own trembling fist.

Not again. Not here. Not in front of Mingi. Not from him.

With a sudden, very violent motion, Yunho’s fist slammed down onto the mahogany table. The sharp crack of wood against bone, amplified by the sudden silence, made the silverware jump and glasses rattle. The entitled colleague, mid-chuckle, actually yelped, spilling a splash of his drink.

Every head at the table whipped towards Yunho, who was now standing. His chair loudly scraped back as he looked down on that man, his face no longer ‘humble’ or ‘polite.’ It was pure rage, his eyes blazing.

“That’s enough,” Yunho’s voice was low, trembling with suppressed violence, but utterly devoid of any pretense.

“The Devil is on Earth. The knives are on the table. And don’t take this lightly, but you’re standing in a lot of shade right now.” He pushed back from the table, the chair toppling behind him.

“You don’t get to talk about my family. And you certainly don’t get to talk about my father.”

He spun on his heel, heedless of the shocked silence, the scattered glances, or Geonho’s widening eyes. Yunho furiously stalked away from the table, headed straight for the exit.

Geonho stood as well, his eyes watery and body trembling. “Jeong Yunho, get back here !”

Mingi, on the other hand, turned to the man, his brow raised and his tone terrifyingly calm. “What made you think it was okay to say that, huh ? Did you think you’re just so amazing, and just so much better than everyone here that you’d get away with that ?”

He didn’t say a word. Mingi spared Geonho a single glance before rushing out of there, following after Yunho. He was just in time, too.

Standing right in front of the headlights of the Aventador, Song Mingi aimlessly waved his arms to get the younger’s attention. Yunho looks up, wiping his eyes and shaking his head at Mingi, motioning for him to get out of the way.

Mingi scowled, walking to the side. He knocked on the window, crossing his arms. Expecting him to fully roll it down, he only cracked it.

“G-go.. go away, Mingi. Let me– let me leave.” Mingi heard him sob from the slit in the window, seeing his eyes all puffy and red, his face splotchy and tear stained. Mingi’s heart broke at the sight.

He shook his head, his fingers slipping through the crack. “You aren’t leaving without me, Yunho-ah. At least let me get in the car.” He tried to negotiate, slightly shaking the window in his grasp.

Yunho’s voice broke as he opened his mouth. “Please, Mingi. I wanna be alone.” He whisper pleaded, his hands ******* the wheel with a white-knuckle grip.

He almost kicked the car. A rush of anger at this whole situation just destroying him internally, but he couldn’t let Yunho see that.
So he stepped back. Far enough for it to be safe, close enough to be deafened by the roar of the engine as he sped out of that parking lot.

And he was gone.
he sped out.

WILDCARD//minx
81 · Jun 17
bacardi superiorrrr~
minx Jun 17
so-*******-superior
i'm really like drunk right now
and i didn't mean to text you
text
you
and ididnt mean to tell you i wanted to go down on you

you;re like
my ex
and i don't fukcing love you anymore
but like i'm so like in love with you
and i'd do anyhting for you back

'm like that travis song
hooked on feeling low
baby -you gotta put me in that 90210
cause only beverly girls get this fu cked up

i don't like getting drunk
it makes me crazy and all i wanna do is like
talk to you
talk to youuuu
tell you likee really ***** things
cause i wanna make you feel good inside adn like outt

you're so lovely
and i love when you do your eyeliner
and braid your hair
and like breathee because you're so lovely

im lsitening to deftones
because it make me happy
and makes me stop thinkng about you
even kthough i'm writing a poem abotu you right now

cause i m still in lvoe with you
like bad
i want you back
and the more bacardi i have makes it like way worse
because i wanna text you bakc right now
intread of listening to cherry waves and trying to focus on other things
that didn't breka up with me or reject me

i want us to be in in love again
i want to taake a flight to baltimore
meet you in the middle
so we ca n kiss and make up
becausei am in love with you

and im in love with you
and i'm really in love
because even if we dont talk for like weeks
i know you;;e thingking ofme !!!! and i know you loveme too right ?

i wanna be in love with you again
i want you to tell me youre in love ewith me again
i;m really fuckinf drunk right now someone help i need sober i need
81 · May 7
but is it ?
minx May 7
sometimes i wonder if emely had feelings for me.
i wonder if they were so deep rooted to where she felt
guilty
for it and kept it all down low
and just didn’t acknowledge it.
because before,
she did things that convinced both me
and other people that she liked me.
that she loved me too.
people tell me i was crazy,
or i was imagining all of these feelings and
it was just infatuation at it’s finest,
but i genuinely love her.
or, did, i guess.
i still do love her,
but in a different way.
i love kayla, too.
so everything is fine.


but really it isn’t.
i try not to think about it,
but what if she still has some sort of
feelings, or
affection for me ?
because as much as i try to forget it
and disregard her,
she still does convincing things
that she
knows
i like.
things that are,
i’ll admit,
the bare minimum,
but she pays attention.
she’s empathetic.
i mean something to her,
and i know i do,
because she’s told me.
she does small things, like
looking me in the eyes when she says goodbye,
and letting her eyes linger on me
until i’m out of sight.
she doesn’t like touch,
but she knows i’m a touchy person,
so when i leave,
she makes an effort to lay a hand on me,
and whether that’s
poking my cheek, or
caressing my shoulder,
she still does something.
she used to do this thing,
before kayla
started walking frida to class,
where she’d drop frida off
at the door,
wave her goodbye,
and reach out and grab my hand while i was walking away.
and each time,
i’d hold it back,
and tell her
“bye, em ! i love you !”
and even though
she never says it back,
i know she wants to.
i can see it in her eyes,
and the day she says i love you back,
is the day my heart will have closure.
when she holds my hand,
i walk away
and it reminds me that i almost had her.
i almost did.
but she’s taken away from my grasp,
just out of reach,
like a star. sososo far,
but so close.
close enough to touch,
just never
close enough to keep.
it hurts, i’ll admit,
but i won’t do anything about it.
i don’t have feelings for her anymore.
but for a moment there,
she reminded me of bella.
she reminded me that love was
worth it, and
fulfilling my feelings
was worth living for.
i adore her and i love her.
even if i can’t the way i used to.
but does she ? does she still ?
80 · May 17
SAY IT BACK
minx May 17
say it back, say it back, say it back...

--

how many times do i have to say it before he finally says it back ?

--

matias, i love you
i love you because you're strong
not only physically,
(but all of your muscle never fails to impress me)
you're so emotionally intact

everything you do has purpose
and you're so intellectually developed
mentally unhealthy but so in touch with your emotions
i wanna be like you
though after i taught you how to feel, it was like i became numb

--

how many times do i have to tell him before i finally get mad ?

--

m, ava does not deserve you.
she lacks all possible value.
her only motive in life is to get her overused hole filled
i live to demoralize her worth, i swear
such a useless girl. her parents must be disappointed.

she took you away from me
making me feel absolutely dejected
to where if i passed you in the halls, i'd burst into tears
and the senior class around me
would ask why the freshman is crying over a senior.

--

how many times do i have to say if before i finally feel useless ?

--

matias, i've offered you everything since day one
you've always seen the more vulnerable side of me
reading my poetry and sharing your own with me
we've always been close.
more than i'd like, i hate to admit.

and i knew you were special
when you called me out on my *******
the day when we were alone after the pep rally
you called me out on my coquettish ****, with the uniform skirt
telling me you saw right through my little act

--

how many times do i have to say it before it finally becomes meaningless ?

--

matias, i love you
to the point where i unconsciously depend on you
to make me happy
because the thought of you makes me content
i feel okay with myself when i've fulfilled your needs.

i wanna be your person
the one you look to for support
you stopped for some stupid girl
who manipulated you with her own tactics
to get inside your pants.

and you fell for it
and i fell for you
and you left me at my darkest point in life
and i know you know freshman year is no joke
so why the **** would you leave like that ?

--

how many times did i have to say it before he finally said it back ?

--

♡             i lost count.

--

                                                 "oh my ******* god-- i can't do this anymore."
                                                       ­                  "i don't know how to help you."

"i'm sorry, baby."
"i don't mean to make you mad."


                                                         ­                 "yeah ? well, you are. heavily."
                                                       ­      "and i've never felt this way about you"
                                                       "so i don't know how to ******* handle it"
                                                             ­                                      "i feel useless."

"maybe i'm hurting you."
"you're just a little girl."
"i need to figure my own **** out."


                                                         ­                        "no, don't take it like that."

"then how am i supposed to take it ??"

                                                           ­  ...
                                                             ­                      "take it as a compliment."
                               "you and i are so connected, that you feel like a part of me.
                             except you're like the part of me that i can't control. and that
                                                        makes me mad. it makes me feel helpless."
                            "like, i'm exhausted. i love you, but this is exhausting on us."

"..us ?"

                                                            ­                                        "oh my ****."
                                                          ­                                            "oh my god."
                                                           ­                                       "you're joking."
                                                      "y­ou can't just dump your whole life on me"
                                                             ­                 "and think there's not an us."

"no, baby, i know what you mean."

                                                        ­                                       "oh, thank ****."
                                                          ­              "i was about to get really angry."
                                                         ­              "i could feel my skin heating up."

                                                           ­                  "i don't know what to do, m."

"me either."
"i guess this'll just have to be another thing we'll just figure out, yeah ?"
"i'm sorry."


                                                       ­                                  "don't be sorry, love."
                                                         "but seriously, i think i need to go to bed."
                                    "my head is pounding, my eyes are fluttering shut-- and
                                                                ­                 my cramps are really bad."

"poor baby. now i'm really sorry."

                                                       ­                                           "mm. it's okay."
                                                          ­                                    "can i go to bed ?"

"yeah. i'm not going to, though."

                                                      ­                 "but you should-- you need rest."

"nah. i'm alright."

                                                     ­                                                              "no."
                                                           ­                                             "go to bed."
                                                           ­                              "put some music on."

"no."
"if i sleep, i'll dream of her. it's bad."


                                                         ­                                                          "oh."
                                                           ­                                                      "fine."
                                                         ­                               "watch the notebook."

"hell no."

                                                          ­                                         "excuse me ??"

"that'll make it worse."

                                                       ­                                                    "oh. duh."
                                                           ­                                              "i give up."
                                                            ­                          "can i go to bed now ?"

"mhm."

                                                   ­                                                             "oka­y."
                                                             ­                                          "goodnight."

                                                   ­           ...
                                                  ­                                            "i really love you."

                                   (say it back, say it back, say it back...)

                                                       ­       ...
"goodnight, baby.."
"i love you, too."


                                                         ­ (what ?)
                                                              ­                                    "i'm gonna cry."
                                                           ­                                             "*******."
                                                           ­                                            "goodnight."

"goodnight, you ******."

                                                      ­                                       "night, *******."

"sweet dreams."
     sent, 10:27 pm

                                            ...i am not going to bed.
finally, he said it back.

and i only had to say it for three months daily !
minx Jun 25
You gotta be one hell of a kid to pull up to school, on a Monday, in one of the most luxurious car brands known to man. Jeong Yunho, ever attuned to his own privileged persona drove up to the bleak campus in his new 2022 Lamborghini Aventador SVJ– along with his pretty best friend riding in the front.

It was unbelievably stupid for a seventeen year old to impulsively spend over seven hundred million Won of his inheritance on a sports car. Geonho tried to bargain with him, to get a less.. flashy car, or even just one with class.

Like Geonho’s black and beloved Bentley Bentayga.

Nah. Yunho preferred the **** roar of the V12 engine and the cat-eye headlights of his custom-coloured Aventador, the stark blue clashing with the bleak prep school environment.

“Yo, Yunho-ssi !”

There he was, Park Seonghwa. Shouting from across the parking lot, he jogged over to the two, his sparkly smile glimmering in the sunshine.

“You like my new coupe ?” Yunho hollered, swarms of underclassmen and fellow seniors beginning to group up with their phones to take pictures. Yunho could already see the headlines:

Chairman’s Charming Brother, Jeong Yunho, Pulling Up to Class With No Class, Only Flash.

Too long ? Yeah. Thought so.

“It’s ******* amazing.” Seonghwa praised, leaning back to admire the gorgeous carbon-fibre structure. “My favorite thing, though,” Hwa started, before lunging over to the side, “this ****** on the right side. What’s his deal– attempting nonchalance ? It ain’t working.”

Yunho shrugged, tapping his fingernail against the thick glass. “He wants the attention, too. Might as well spoon-feed it to him.” He joked, opening the scissor doors to let Mingi out.

“Your door, my dear.” Yunho purred, theatrically moving around to assist Mingi out of the car like a princess.

Mingi stepped out, dramatically adjusting his uniform before Yunho presented him.

“Here he is, boys, the one and only–”

“Get on your knees, -----. Worship this dirt I walk on.” Mingi interrupted, his coarse demand eliciting mock-shock gasps from the two. Now this was their dynamic. Always and forever will Mingi raise his acts for the entertainment of others.

“****, man, you didn’t even give me the chance to introduce you.” Yunho scowled, earning a playful punch from the elder. Seonghwa watched the entire charade between the two of them with a raised brow and a skeptical look.

“–seriously, Yunho-ah, I spend one day away from you, and you spend 700,000,000 Won on a ******* sports car !!” Mingi shook Yunho by the shoulders.

Seonghwa shook his head. “You two argue like my Mothers’. Except you two are like some sort of… spunky… gay couple.”

Both Yunho and Mingi froze, becoming timid and seemingly really shy. “Uh-oh. Looks like I hit a sensitive spot. What did you two get into ?” Hwa raised both brows now, crossing his arms.

Before the two could even conjure up a meager response, Kim Hongjoong scurried over, jumping right on top of Mingi, into his arms.

Both Hwa and Yunho immediately went quiet.

They loved Hongjoong ! But it seems that Hongjoong was quite smitten with Mingi. Would it be bad if Yunho wished that Seonghwa had never chosen to invite Hongjoong to lunch with them ? Would it be bad if Seonghwa admitted to regretting his choice to introduce Hongjoong to his friends ?

Either way, there was no turning back now. No matter how entitled Yunho felt to Mingi, it always felt as if it was being bombarded with Kim Hongjoong.

The same was for Seonghwa, too. The idea of his meet-cute with Hongjoong being shattered by his undeniable attraction to Mingi was heartbreaking.

And to make matters worse, no one could tell if Mingi reciprocated Hongjoong’s feelings, or if he was just being nice. Once again, Yunho was practically entitled to Mingi, especially after what happened on Friday evening.

That weekend, Yunho had spent around an hour getting himself off in the Aventador to the thought of Mingi and his… performance.

The bleak image was burned in his mind, the moment running through his mind like a movie. The session in his car was almost tangible, with the way he could feel, hear and especially see everything in its imagined detail.

There was no denying that Mingi was smoking hot.

And Yunho had been unbelievably bothered ever since.

“Is this your car, Mingi-ssi ? It’s really hot.” Hongjoong purred, leaning against the sleek body and dragging his nails across the carbon. It’s as if he just… didn’t see the key in Yunho’s hands !

The three of them internally cringed. Mingi didn’t even answer, letting Yunho take the wheel. “Um, no– actually, could you get your hands off her ? This is my car, and I’d appreciate if you’d quit scratching the hood. Don’t you know how delicate this carbon fibre is ? You ain’t a gearhead, huh ?” Yunho snarled, his voice unintentionally sounding… mean.

Hongjoong stumbled back, raising his hands off and away from his ride. “Woah, sorry, I didn’t know. You don’t have to talk to me that way.” He defended himself.

“Yeah, lay off, Yuyu. He’s just curious.” Mingi reassured the younger, placing his hand on his lower back. Yunho flinched away from the touch, crossing his arms. “I don’t give two *****. My car costs more than his home.” Yunho whispered into Mingi’s ear, a little scoff escaping his lips right after.

Hongjoong frowned. “I can hear you, y’know. But you’re right. I live in a trailer park not far from here.”

Yunho shut up real quick. He let out a shaky sigh before stepping forwards.
“Listen, Hongjoong, I’m… sorry. I crossed a line. We good ?” Yunho tilted his head, softening his eyes and sharp scowl. Unease ran through the group as the tension became quite heavy. Although the apology seemed half-hearted, he meant it. Sorta.

Hongjoong nodded, before patting his shoulder. “Yeah… You’re good. We’re… good.” He gave a tight, close lipped smile before looking over to Seonghwa. “Seonghwa, we should.. get to first period. We only have a few minutes left until the first bell.”

“Oh, right. Yeah, let’s go. I’ll see you guys later !” Seonghwa smiled, before skipping off with Hongjoong.
i wanna ride hi-- i mean it. the lambo. yeah.

WILDCARD//minx
79 · Jun 16
she still texts me
minx Jun 16
bella, just be forward with me
do you love me ?
do you love me still ?
because i can't keep living with that knife in my chest
struggling to breathe, because you just barely missed my heart

bella, just be forward with me
do you want me back ?
do you want me back in your arms ?
because i can't keep living like it doesn't hurt
like the blood hasn't already stained my clothes

bella, just be forward with me
do you miss me ?
do you miss the honeymoon period
where we were so in love, so immersed in each other
no matter what anyone said, we always belonged with the other ?

bella, just be forward with me.
"i miss youuu" shut up, please.


cause HOW is she gonna text me, acting like she still loves me and adores me after that whole fallout. i miss her. i miss her a lot.
minx Jun 19
you slit open the wound that took too long to heal
letting the dirt air settle on it
to burn worse than neat bacardi on an empty stomach
ripping my throat with your claws
a well kept secret, an entity finally breaks free
ringing "i never loved you"
as blood is spilling from the ****
this ****** but i still found a way to incorporate all the words.
79 · May 26
THE V1PER
minx May 26
Mingi snorted hard and softly shook his head.
“No, it means she’s loud as ****.
Fast to overheat. Guzzles gas like a *****.
Shakes so hard you feel it in your bones.
But I get it.
She packs a real punch, huh? You like riding raw?”

“I like speed,” Yunho replied with a mischievous smile.

“The faster, the better.”
COLLATERAL DAMAGE // sugamins

sugamins is so... poetic.
78 · Jun 24
VALORANT BOY
minx Jun 24
i sit and watch you
staying up late
playing your little games

i need you to play with me
but instead you're losing your mind
and i'm losing mine

i'm getting bored
going deaf from you shouting at the screen
constantly complaining at the loss

come on, valorant boy,
what's it gonna take ?
what do i do to get your attention ?

you need me in your face ?
you need me under the desk ?
do i need to pull the plug ?
what if i smashed it
78 · Jun 10
we could've died
minx Jun 10
Mingi’s whole ******* life flashed before his eyes, anticipating the end of his life to be due to reckless driving. He squeezed his eyes shut, the only sounds he could process were the engine and Yunho’s shallow gasps for air.

Mingi wasn’t even breathing, at this point.

On the other hand, Yunho felt the flow of the voltage coursing through his veins as if they were wires, fueling his rush, awakening him like never before.

All he saw were bricks. So he swerved the Aventador right, skidding across the grit, the small spoiler wing practically a hair away from the wall.

The whole vehicle did a 360, Yunho easing down on the brakes as things took a different feeling. He looked over at Mingi, who finally opened his eyes, heavy breaths leaving his parted lips as his chest heaved.

Yunho unbuckled his seatbelt, getting out of his seat and putting himself in Mingi’s lap. He locked his arms around his neck, Mingi’s slithering around his waist as they caught their breath together.

As their bodies settled down, Yunho was the first to pull away, yet keeping his body flush against Mingi’s. He cupped the elder’s face, his thumbs stroking his soft cheeks as his soft pants brushing against his lips.

“Where did you learn to do that ?”

Mingi inhaled, his hands holding tightly onto Yunho’s hips.

“I didn’t.”

Mingi laughed. “We could’ve died.”

“I know.”

Yunho smiled, leaning in, his forehead against Mingi’s.

Mingi pulled him in for another hug, holding him tightly before releasing.
“You should probably drive back, before the cops show up.” He whispered, running his hands through Yunho’s slightly sweat-damp hair.

Yunho whined, wiggling around a bit.  “What, you don’t like when I sit on your lap ?” He purred, directly addressing their close, close proximity.

Mingi looked away, chuckling, before Yunho took his face back in his hands, pulling him closer.
“C’mon, Mingi-hyung, you have to admit. You like it when we’re this close, right ?” He sweetly smiled, using his soft-toned voice.
WILDCARD // iwillwooyou, aka, minx
minx Jun 29
on one of these long days
i hope you wake up real late
click my page and see the 404
"we couldn't find what you're looking for."


i don't know what the purpose was behind this ! ahem !
74 · May 23
stop, don't stop
minx May 23
he's sitting in his desk chair
the comforting, quiet drone
filling the quiet of the early morning
the air was cool, albeit, carrying the faint scent
of stale coffee and sterile cleanliness

he didn't dislike his job.
this morning, however
was disrupted by a slow, almost languid pace
his stack of files remained stubbornly untouched,
his mind is captive to forbidden territories.

he pictured his little girl
in the soft light of her bedroom
the curve of her bare back as she stretched
a kittenish grace that belied
the sinful paths his thoughts were ravenously pursuing.

a jolt of
pure
illicit desire
shot through him
leaving a tight feeling in his groin, which was unwelcome and undeniable.

he imagines kneeling between her thighs
the warmth radiating from her flushed skin as she slowly awoke.
his fantasy plunged with a dizzying intensity
to the slick, swollen flesh
still damp with the essence of her own wet dreams.

the idea became vivid, tactile
an experience engaging all of his senses.
he imagined the delicate sounds she would make--
the soft mewls escalating into desperate whimpers
as his tongue relentlessly explored her most sensitive places.
piece two

WHERE ANGELS FALL.

piece : SWEET TREAT

(this is my work, based on a coarse and heavy hearted narrative i wrote. based on true events ! ha.. haha...)

[it's also why the dude in my banner photo is sitting in the gothic cathedral. you're welcome for that visual.]
minx Jun 17
i wanna make eight lines down the broad half of your back
bend over your body and snort it up
chasing the white pony, just desperate for another hit
before throwing myself onto the bed to tip it back
to feel it trickle down my throat
before i get back up so i can finish you next.
don't do it.

i'm just dumb and in love.
minx Jun 17
you offered to make it sweet
with soft whispers, light but lustful little touches full of love

but you also offered to make it ******* hurt.
to mark my body with double bites of your canines

like a ******* dog, don't treat me like your puppy
make it hurt, baby, please.

i want everyone to.... to see how much attention you give me
don't **** a kiss into my neck, sink your teeth in until you draw blood

daddy said-- no, he promised didn't like to hit me,
but really he did. he must've loved it with how often he did.

loved to see me writhe on the floor,
salty tears spilling from my eyes with a little hard-on

rutting against the luxurious rabbit fur
begging for the belt

but once, one evening, splayed out by the fire
he let his hand slip, the buckle slicing my pale skin, painting me red

he hurt me. he felt so bad, that after that, it was my birthday for a week.
i got so much attention.

so please, mingi-ssi. make it hurt.
bruise me more. i want everyone to see how much attention you give me.
"make it hurt, mingi-ssi~" BUT YUNHO'S THOUGHTS ??!

DISCLAIMER, this is a portrayal of a FICTIONAL character and not my own experience. please be mindful that this is a work of FICTION about a CONSENSUAL s&m relationship. if it bothers you, message me. or block me. don't talk to the flag.

little ponyboy // sugamins
70 · Jun 23
HONDA BABY
minx Jun 23
if i win, can i keep the mclaren ?
drag me up and down your garage
gazing at your car kits
kittish voice echos through, saying
“what am i gonna do about you..”

my grip is tight
around the gear
rubber burns from the friction
his wheels are hot and slick
i’ll lick the leather when i finish

and i love how fast you drive
not just any car
but a flawless honda nsx-r
spent time in the passengers seat (you love how fast i can ride)
still feverish from your drift



MiNGi’S iNTERLUDE

PRESS YOU UP AGAiNST THE DASH
BLOOD iS SPiLLING FROM MY ****
FROM THE GLASS THAT’S BEEN SMASHED
YOU’RE DRiPPING CiGARETTE ASH

i’LL HAVE THE BOYS IN TOKYO
SPEAKING KOREAN WHEN THEY…
RiDE ME LiKE THEiR FAVORiTE CAR
LiTTLE HONDA BABY

MURCiELAGO AS BLUE AS A BRUiSE
KiCK BACK, SiT TiGHT
LOSE TRACTiON
WEAR AND TEAR UP MY TiRES





he doesn’t have a backseat
but he has the glossy hood.
you’ve never driven her, not once
never slipped in the keys,
and ah– turned her on ?

tell me to take it
can i take one of these toys ?
hard and fast against the tarmac
fast paced once we hear the sirens
see the cruisers

speed series
you own every vehicle ever
all your japanese models
gleaming gloriously and
sparkling under the streetlights

all the grid girls on the block
see your renaissance red supra
they rack up their skirts,
drag their manicures along the chrome
notice you drowned in chrome hearts

lips stained DO5
same color as the coupe
and my cheeks when we
listen to the pretty purr
of your v12 engine
the long awaited HONDA BABY. this is one of my risque pieces i'm more proud of, and have gotten a lot of public attention for.

also the reason for my location, and for my bio, hehe. i love my mechanophilia poems

HONDA BABY//sugamins
minx Jun 6
“I can make it sweet,”

Mingi whispered against his throat. He pressed open mouthed kisses over the little freckles and moles that dotted the lovely ***** of his neck, and then he ****** a firm kiss just beneath his ear. It wasn’t hard enough to bruise the skin, but it still made the boy gasp and scratch his nails over his back.

“Or I can make it hurt.”

Rather than **** another kiss against the boy’s throat, he parted his mouth wide enough to expose his teeth. They sank into the side of his neck with such force the skin almost yielded to his sharp canines and incisors.

Yunho tensed beneath him. Mingi felt his throat spasming beneath his bite. For a second, it seemed like he might struggle, like he might push him away or hit his fists against him to make him stop with a scared whine.

But the sound that left his lips wasn’t one of fear, it was sweet pleasure. The kind which made the head spin and the thighs tremble.

“Oh, Mingi,” he moaned. “Oh … it feels …”

Mingi held on for a moment before trading his teeth for his lips. ****** a firm kiss against the dimples he had left behind in his flesh. As he released him, he asked,

“What do you like more?”

“Nnn, make it hurt,”

Yunho whimpered against his arm.

“Bruise me more. I want everyone to see how much attention you give me.”


make it hurt, mingi-ssi ~

(yeooowwch...)

REMINDER, this is a work of FICTION portraying two people in a CONSENSUAL RELATIONSHIP ! message me if this bothers you, or block me, please.

s&m

little ponyboy // sugamins
68 · Jun 24
FAME
minx Jun 24
bright lights and lustful eyes
fall upon my stage.
can you even tell–
whether you wanna be me
or be with me ?

gilded, it reflects my blinding fame
as they adoringly chant my name
each touch sends a shiver
feeding to desires that claw and command
on my carefully sculpted fortress, my facade.

oh, it’s exhausting
but i still have time for myself
feel my own flesh under my fingertips
soothing the frayed nerves
my body buzzes from the exhibition.



iDOL’S iNTERLUDE

DiD YOU REALLY THiNK i WOULDN’T NOTiCE ?
OF COURSE i DiD. EVERYONE DOES.
THAT’S KiND OF MY THiNG.
Y’KNOW, BEiNG NOTiCEABLE.

SO, WHAT iS iT ?
AN AUTOGRAPH ? A SELFiE ?
AH, DON’T TELL ME–
A KiSS ?

LOOK, i GET iT.
THiS FACE ? THiS TALENT ? THiS AURA ?
iT’S A LOT TO TAKE IN !
BUT KEEP iT TOGETHER, YEAH ?

THE WORLD KEEPS SPiNNiNG
EVEN WHEN i BLESS iT WITH MY PRESENCE.
BEAUTY iS MUCH MORE THAN A CONSTRUCT
i’M THiS PATHETiC WORLD’S MUSE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
BUT MAKE iT QUiCK.
MY SCHEDULE iS… TiGHT. YOU KNOW HOW iT iS WHEN YOU’RE ME.
WELL, ACTUALLY– YOU DON’T.



the roar fades, finally phantom in my ears
but the heat still clings
the ghost of want really taunts me
backstage, clumsily touching myself
a pathetic substitute for the reality i crave.

humid air envelopes my body
the lone moonlight, a cold ******.
i so wish it were my fans…
eager to see
eager to see me, overstimulation, overload.

i guess i should mention–
the shimmer reflects no saint tonight
only sweat slicking skin, restless with need
the crowd gives no place to hide
the now pulsing truth beneath the light.

i love the sight of their eyes,
their irises burning holes through my clothing.
my urges come undone
once carefully constructed, crumbles down
as soft sighs leave my lips.
ughhh

there's something amazing about the rush when you're in front of a crowd.

oh, i love it. all eyes on me.
66 · Jun 28
LAPUTA
minx Jun 28
god, your body is..
so much to love, to explore
just like laputa
hehe kyu's first time writing this style of poem
minx Jun 25
The two skipped into Yunho’s bedroom, tossing their bags by the door. The younger went straight for the closet, grabbing a t-shirt for himself, and some shorts. Mingi followed right after, snatching a grey tank top as well as shorts.

They both quickly changed, Mingi walking out of the closet and throwing himself on the Younger’s bed. Yunho had followed after, going to his desk.

He plopped down in his big chair, turning a bit to look at the elder. “I’m gonna play for a little, is that okay with you ?” Yunho sweetly asked, his hand on the mouse.

Mingi looked up from his phone, his eyes flickering to the screen. “Yeah, go ahead.”

Yunho made a little noise in response, turning his attention to the login screen. If Yunho was being honest, VALORANT only stood as background noise to his thoughts. All of the things he had considered this morning were coming back to him, despite his urge to shove it all in the back of his mind.

He’d never quite realized how… off his thoughts about Mingi were. No way this was normal. Best friends don’t **** their **** in front of each other.
And they certainly don’t moan each other’s names when they come.

…Right ?

Best friends don’t sit in each other’s laps and whisper naughty things. They don’t offer little favors when the other is visibly turned on.

Yunho couldn’t let go of the idea. He was sluggishly playing a five-on-five– meant to be focused on a certain objective. Unfortunately, he couldn’t quite remember what his objective actually was. Of course he had to be distracted when he was trying to maintain his rank.

He was vaguely aware of the loud and screechy voices of the gamers he was playing along with, only halfway processing their callouts and bordering demands. Usually, that would be Yunho, but as of now, his focus was diluted.

He slacked off the game, his eyes half-heartedly following the jerky movements of his agent. His fingers worked over the keyboard, the mechanical sounds flooding the uncomfortable sound of the quiet bedroom.

Best friends don’t have ****** tension. Boy best friends don’t.

Did Mingi even like boys ? Because boys certainly liked Mingi. Especially Hongjoong. God, it was unnerving to Yunho to feel like he had to share his best friend’s attention. They were made for each other. So why was Hongjoong so adamant about being a part of that ?

No matter how much fun Yunho had with it, he didn’t like competing with Hongjoong. But his ego is too ******* thick to admit that.

Yunho tried to keep up with his friends ingame, but it felt… off. For some reason, the enemy team seemed to move with almost telepathic coordination, and Yunho didn’t have the energy to counter all of that.

Although, their score ticked up against his team’s. It was hard to ignore, even through his haze. He put in the last bit of effort he could, the final round ending fast.

“Yuyu, can I borrow a hoodie ?” Mingi spoke up, his deep voice cutting through the silence.

Yunho perked up, sparing him a glance. “Huh ? Oh, yeah, of course.” He motioned to the closet before facing the screen again.

The inevitable ‘DEFEAT’ splashed across his monitor just minutes later, ending the match. He leaned back, exhaling softly, staring at the losses. Well, that was another forty minutes of his life that he won’t get back. All for a ****** play.

The rustle of hangers and the soft whisper of fabric came from the closet. Mingi, having retrieved a soft grey hoodie from the rack, paused, his hand snagging on an unfamiliar textile.

He pulled it out, a small, pale blue slip of a thing, adorned with delicate straps and a hint of floral embroidery. It was tiny, almost ridiculously so, and extremely out of place in Yunho’s closet full of t-shirts and designer streetwear.
“What is this ?” Mingi asked, holding it up with a playful smirk, his eyebrows raised in amusement. “You didn’t tell me you had a sister, Yuyu.”

Yunho, still scowling at his monitor, finally turned, his eyes landing on the pale blue garment. His heart lurched. He swallowed, then feigned a shrug, attempting nonchalance. “Must’ve been an old gift. Or a joke.”

He knew it was neither. He’d bought it months ago, tucked it away in the back. It was the unspoken curiosity, something that urged him to explore his softer sides, a femininity he’s never let anyone see.

Mingi walked over, dangling the dress. “It’s… pretty.” He tilted his head, a genuine flicker of curiosity mingling with his usual teasing. “You should put it on.”

Yunho started. “What ?” He tilted his head, his voice a little too high. Outwardly, his shoulders stiffened. Put it on ? He wants me to put it on ? The internal excitement, a tiny spark of real daredevil he hadn’t known was in there, began to flicker.

Mingi was asking him to step into that dress, and he wanted to so badly. But the thought of it, the vulnerability, made him feel exposed. “No way,” he managed, trying for a dismissive laugh that came out strained. “It’s… not my size.”

The elder just chuckled, tossing it gently onto the bed. “Come on. Just for fun. You’ve got that reckless streak, don’t you ? Prove it.” He settled back onto the bed, propping himself up on the palms of his hand, his eyes twinkling. Clearly, he was ready to watch the show.

Yunho hesitated for another beat, then, when an almost inaudible sigh, he stood. His internal grin stretched wider with every step he took towards the dress. Oh, I am so doing this. He picked it up, feeling the light, silky material against his fingertips. He turned his back to Mingi, a quick, almost shy movement, and slipped out of his clothing.

He paused for a fraction of a second, then drew the pale fabric over his torso, feeling it glide over his sweet skin. He adjusted the thin straps over his shoulders and around his back, then fixing the delicate lace onto his chest. It was short, the hem riding up high up his thighs, the fabric clinging in all the right places.

'God, I really did buy this because I wanted to feel pretty. Beautiful, even. It’s ridiculous. I’m Jeong-*******-Yunho, for Christ’s sake.'

He could feel the weight of Mingi’s gaze on his back, and when he finally turned around, he was met with Mingi’s dark expression. At first, it was that usual, casual curiosity, a slight smirk playing on his lips.

But as the elder’s eyes slowly took in the sight of Yunho in that ****** dress, his posture shifted. His smirk softened, a slow realization dawning in his eyes. A subtle widening, a hint of something just a little deeper.

Yunho noticed this, starting to feel a strange surge of confidence. He didn’t even have to say how much he liked it; Mingi was seeing it for himself.
i love my crossdressers guys

WILDCARD//minx
65 · May 7
it's my party, though
minx May 7
i don’t know how to feel
about kayla
wanting an invitation to
my party.
i feel like it all happened so crazily,
how she just dropped me–
but i feel like this is confirmation that she didn’t
willingly drop me.
or frida wanted a friend to come.
either way, k’s message was soo abrupt
and caught me heavily off guard
when out of nowhere
she just sent me that bs text about
“we weren’t that close, anyways, so no problem.”
but i genuinely did want to be her friend.
i worked towards the day til so i could
rightfully
make it better,
and for her to drop me
and have em ghost me just
took me out !!
i’ll see em in the halls,
and she’ll just ignore me,
but either way i still smile at her.
and i did the same
when i caught k looking my way,
so i was just like…
i smiled at her.
what else was i supposed to do ?
i want to be her friend, seriously.
i didn’t put in that much
effort
and time
into it just falling apart before my eyes.
i’m glad frida is on my side, though.
we’re a lot better than we were, before.
i was always mad at her,
but knowing
she defended my case
makes me wanna keep her around,
no matter how much she annoys me.
she told k how em led me on.
and frankly, she did.
for all of october.
she flattered me for three days, and i fell.
the day i met her,
she was already looking at me differently.
and i went to study period that day to make up with kendall,
and she interrupted us,
asking about if “she’d see me after classes”
and i was so excited,
feeling like
she cared for me
because she was
equally
as eager to see me after classes.
and she’d completely spend as much time as she could with me,
talking about nonsense,
but i was happy. i was entertained.
she even made efforts to skip her class
to come see me during lunch,
and she’d let me walk her to class.
and she initiated wanting to walk me to my seventh period,
letting me hold her arm and sshit.
it was so lovey and everything.
she told me not to worry about you,
because “kayla can’t pick my friends.”
so i guess that was part of the reason
i was so disregarding to k in the first place.
she made it
clear to me
that they
were on
a break,
and she wanted to spend time with me.
even going to measures to ignore you
during our study period to talk with me.
to flirt with me,
and she did,
sooo much.
it was the week i had been training for the big pep rally,
and anything i did she practically purred at,
or complimented.
she paid attention to the way i did my hair flips,
cooing at it,
and howling or whatever.
she even rested her hand on my leg, at one point.
and i dunno,
i guess i was just so enamored by her–
that all i wanted to do was catch her attention.
so when i gave her my necklace,
she wore it.
she took off the one that she normally wore
and wore mine.
and we matched.
and finally,
by the end of the week,
she made sure to stand right at the front of the senior class
with all of her stupid friends,
and even you, i think
and she watched me.
i was so excited to have her
eyes on me
while we did that raunchy little dance.
it made me feel amazing.
i almost let her meet my mom.
and after that rally,
she talked me up,
telling me how cute it was
and how funny i looked with my mom up there,
swing dancing.
she said she didn’t know i could dance like that.
and once again,
she came to my lunch period that day,
but it was different.
she gently confronted me about the rumors i had supposedly started
about emely wanting to be more than friends with me,
and frankly, i was talking to my friends–
but only shay, frida and kendall about
how i wanted to be more with her.
and i guess too many people heard,
because people were confronting her.
after classes, we talked,
i walked
her to the door that day
and when i came back
i got comments on how she was checking me out
the whole time i was talking to one of her friends.
and my least favorite but most intimate moment with her
would have to be the stupid trunk or treat.
i hadn’t expected to see her there,
so i didn’t go above and beyond to look absolutely amazing.
and when hannah and i approached her,
we were talking when i think
frida motioned me over and i saw her
and mentally freaked.
iirc, she initiated a hug ‘n everything.
i remember going back to my side of the event to
‘help clean’
but really,
i just wanted a reason to stay back.
and i immediately regretted it.
now, in advance,
i had already heard so much about kayla,
so i was terrified of her.
i made the mistake of not checking my surroundings
and latching onto em
from behind
while k was literally on her shoulder.
i internally freaked out
and regretted it.
i think it was after frida left, when it was just
us,
k,
and a few other kids from spanish club.
right before people started leaving,
em and k had shared the most loving kiss
i had
ever
experienced
happen before my eyes.
i was dead
oblivious
to the fact that you two were back on speaking terms,
so it was a huge punch in the face to see that.
and what’s even more embarrassing,
is that i started crying.
like a lot, too.
i tried to turn around,
but i could still hear you two.
i was so ashamed
to fall for emely
and be completely led on
that i just broke down.
i tried to stop crying,
but emely noticed
and she consoled me.
and she pushed so hard,
and i was so annoyed,
but she insisted on hugging me through it
to help me feel better.
and i even told her.
“no, not now, your girlfriend will see and get mad”
and she told me she didn’t care !!
and even when i didn’t hug her back,
she still kept it up,
all over me,
rubbing my back
and letting me cry in her shirt.
and after you had left,
i had tried to communicate with her about it,
about how
i didn’t know
they were back together
and it hurt my feelings.
em made me feel sooo stupid for it,
making me feel like i was just
being silly.
she was like
“uh, yeah, that’s my girlfriend..”
so i felt sooo dumb.
and i dunno,
we just spent like
ten more minutes out there
of her trying to make me laugh
while she did stupidly charming things
like make me look up at the sunset.
i was genuinely in love with her,
so it hurt me.
badly.
her father had finally arrived at some point,
and my mom wasn’t here yet.
so she offered to stall her dad
and stay back for me
until she knew i was safe,
but i told her i didn’t wanna get her in trouble.
even when she told me she didn’t care,
i still let her go.
it was extremely embarrassing when my mother
did come for me,
and i sobbed in the car.
after that, things kinda fell off.
she stopped wearing my necklace
and got closer to you
while we grew apart,
no matter how much
she says we didn’t.
after i had stopped feeling things for her,
i confessed to her
and she insisted we stay friends,
but politely rejected me.
that’s when things just got 'better.'
but i dunno,
knowing that this is all still going
is offputting to me.
i just wanna see if i can justify my actions.
but it's a little late, yeah ?
sorry, kayla.
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