With your hands woven
into my spine
you led me into
the dark
where the icy wind
slipped my shirt off
leaving me exposed to you,
wishing I could walk away
but the trail
of breadcrumbs we left
has long since disappeared,
and now
that I am lost
beside you
I only wish
to have you closer,
but once daylight
touches our skin
and we are graced
with artificial smiles,
I will
shrug away
from you
again.

Standing before a once white canvas,
brush in hand.

Paint runs together,
reds and blues and yellows
are now indistinguishable.

Stained palms are reminders
of the source of the mess.

It is so much easier to ruin things
than it is to fix them.

i came upon a girl in the wood
her sun floating smile could not be repressed
the light of her inner shone clearly
like song simple and true
i asked her and i begged of her moment
how far must i travel
before i am loved as deeply as you
she could not answer

in the middle of the long night
came upon a man walking in the stars
the beauty and wonder of the mysteries of his world
spun like whirlwinds and shone from his eyes like tenderness
and i asked of him i begged of him to tell me please
how deep into the wilderness must i wander alone
before i could find loves sweet harmony like he has
he could not answer me

in the resonance of morning dancing upon the worlds edge
i found a girl who was painting a masterpiece of freedoms
a scene of sweet adorations and gifts of souls kiss for all
who are drawn near
i asked her and i begged of her to please tell
me how long must i study at the dusty dry bones of fear
how long must i sit in the stillness of autumn never ending
before spring finds me like it has her
she answered me
in a voice thick and rich
in a knowledge sure
that i had all these things
and left them all behind to folly's quest
to find the love within

I.
Witness your family
stop loving
each other.

II.
Understand what people mean
when they say
the world is not fair.

III.
Be struck with
the realization that
you are not special.

IV.
Hurt yourself.
Don't tell
anyone.

V.
Let strangers
see parts of you
your friends never have.

VI.
Decide that being deep
is more important
than being happy.

VII.
Cut all your hair off
without asking
your parents.

VIII.
Let your ex
boyfriend see
all your scars.

IX.
Go to counseling.
Do not cry.
Not here.

X.
Stop
hurting
yourself.

XI.
Feel empty.
Try not
to cry.

XII.
Let yourself
be defined by the
honesty of numbers.

XIII.
Do not
fill your emptiness
with calories.

XIV.
Pour out your
heart, soul,
dinner.

XV.
Restrict yourself.
Minimize.
Shrink.

XVI.**
Finally
have
control.

IF THIS BODY
WEREN'T MINE
WOULD I STILL
HATE IT?