Tonight stands still, like how I stand when I see you
The smoke hangs in the air, like my feelings when I see you
I smile, as I imagine us doing all the stuff couples do
and I think I feel happier when I do, I think

I feel like tonight is going too slow
I feel like you wouldn't really know
What goes on in my head
When I beg myself to tell you instead

When you take me to that special place
It puts my head in a special case
Where my stomach is crushed
And my lips are hushed

I think I feel sadder when you smile
Especially when it's not from me
And I envy them for a while
To be what I can't be

I believe you don't care about me
Because that's really the truth
Or at least that's what my head says
I never told you but I really am a mess

But you knew that already
I don't think you know though
But in the end, if the shoe doesn't fit
Just end it, or just force it.

So there's this girl
A small girl with tired eyes
She says she loves me
And I wish that I could believe her
That she was anything more than just
Water flowing through my hands
And when the bucket is empty
I'll still see her, and it won't be the same

So there's this woman
A stressed woman with worried eyes
She sees nothing more than the night before
She asks "Are you okay?"
And I tell her, "No, I'm not."
And we leave it at that.
And the next day
We do the same thing.

So there's this gun
A gifted gun with one beckoning eye
It is darker than anything I've ever stared at.
And when I look into it, I get scared.
Because I want to be whole again,
To feel the sun on my skin
To feel that hair in my face
To feel those lips on mine.
But the sun is killing me.
Because I can't be your sun.

So there's this note.
You don't have to read it
It doesn't have much merit.
I just thought about you
So I found my gift.
My wonderful god given gift.
To leave everyone I care about.
Because the sun gives you cancer.

I want to know why
You started treating me like somebody else
I miss who we used to be
It was just us
And we seen each other every day
But now I can see the color fade
In your eyes when you see me
And the weight of regret.

I want to know why
You started acting like everyone else
They got tired of me
Because I love so violently
And now, you pull away
When I want you close

You lied, about a few things
Like wanting to get married
Or wanting to breed
I just wish you hadn't wasted my time
With false hopes
That I will ever be happy
And my ******* OCD
Keeps cutting into my stomach
To let me know I'm alone
I guess I won't say a word
Because the last thing you'd do
Is check your phone.

Hello, you silky rat.
I know your type.
You see defenseless
and you take the easy way.

I am not going to stand by
I won't let it happen another time.
The bravery of those around me
Has inspired the the best I can be.

Let me know, and it will get personal.
Because certain people deserve a tour
Of the inside of their head.
Until their guts drag the sled

Of their rotting sad stomach
Sliding on the floor.

So stick to your guns
And don't let him say a word.
Projection haunting so many
Brave souls a plenty.

I once held
The cold embrace
Of a man much older then me
When I was very young.
Never again.

Don't you want to see me?
Or is it someone else
Do I set my blood free?
Or do I not hurt myself

Don't you think I'm pretty?
I don't think you care
That would be fitting
With a sideways chair

Don't you think I know?
About you and her
You still love her so
I don't think that's fair.

Aren't I the one?
That keeps you up at night?
Or are you so full of guilt
For not treating me right

If I'm a priority.
Then prove it to me
Make me feel love
Instead of making me beg for it.

What a pretty face
One that I long for
One that I could trace
Deep into my pores

What a tired face
With eyes like fire
I send my 1 A embrace
With the lips of a liar

Only in shallow
Do I remark
The many hallows
We used to haunt

Because you were always uncomfortable
My eyes were always red and full
I stared you down like hunter's meat
Lusting over words I couldn't keep