Does anyone catch themselves
in between two realities?
Do you wake up in a cold sweat
from a dream your mind still believes
is real?
Obsessing over every little detail
until your mind collapses from exhaustion.
This isn't a poem,
this is a question-
or is it?
I can't decide.

I have made a mess of you
in my thoughts again.
I didn’t know I could feel this way,
neither did she.
Two hearts, one soul
Two cities, one smile
Yet we’re both scared
for different reasons
She feared I wasn’t real
I feared it wouldn’t last.

You'll go through this world
in search of a lover that
you will never find

5:48 PM
10/8/21

But loneliness
Doesn’t come from being alone
Loneliness comes from feeling alone
And feeling alone comes
From feeling different
And feeling different
comes from feeling unloved
and you feel unloved
Because you don’t
even love
yourself

"It’s good to be alone,"
I say to myself
most nights.
But there comes
a point where
the cold gives in to
the warmth,
and god,
does the
loneliness hit.

I used to ask myself:
is it better to have loved and lost
than to have never loved at all?
But lately, I wonder how much
one has to love before they start
to loathe every inch of skin
that no one else seems
to love enough
to touch.

The memory
of you leaves me
yearning,
dreaming,
for your warmth
in this December cold.

They are not thinking
about you - do yourself a
favor - go to sleep

4:49 PM
20/12/21

All of her words
were as empty as her
bottle of gin.
All he could do
was love her.

She is alone
day after day-
night after night.
Alone between pages and
in between each pen stroke
are the secrets she
keeps to herself.
She'll tell them one day and
they will explode out of her
like the supernova
that she is.

I’m not the person that you think I am
I’m not that person anymore
I see them calling, I do not blink an eye
They have the right number, it doesn’t faze me
There’s nothing I can offer,
Nothing I can say
I’m not that person anymore
I’m not who you’re looking for,
Not anymore

I'm feeling weary,
My mind is grey.
I'm already tipsy
and it's only Tuesday.

To be positive
does not mean to be happy
the entire time

11:13 PM
25/2/22

I guess this love was never reciprocated.
Now, our words just linger and fade
like bedroom cigarette smoke.
Maybe my heart will also fade
out of my chest on my walk home.
That’d be nice.

With eyes like that,
you could rule the world, baby.
Irises that gleam like
beautiful brown pearls
in between those eyelashes
clams could only dream
of becoming.

Just keep me busy
through my days so I don't have
to feel anything

6:02 PM
14/8/21

Most of the time,
I am too afraid
and too in awe
to ask myself
how I found you.

It’s terrifying
when you get hit
with a revelation at 2am
that you can’t picture yourself
five or ten years into the future
sharing a cosy suburban apartment
with the love of your life,
with a family to call your own.

Thinking about the future
makes me anxious.
Not thinking about the future
makes me anxious.
There is no middle-ground and
we are all anxious.

I am once again
torn between forgiving them
and forgetting them

6:29 PM
7/11/20

The love bug
is not kept in a jar
but left to roam from afar.
The love bug
must be set free
to see if it was meant to be.

There’s nothing better than
the feeling when someone
contradicts
what you tell yourself
about yourself
every day;
that you may have been lying
to yourself
all this time.

There was never any love,
no harm in letting go.
The pain came from grasping the thorns
attached to the beautiful ones.
There’s no regret planted here,
only trambled hopes and withered dreams.
No bad memories can bloom
in a garden that rejects salting,
but for the slower, grey days,
find a mirror and love the image
until the tears stop.

There's a black cat
that follows me home
every night I feel her gaze
cut to the bone.
I walk in her shadow
I cannot escape
sometimes it's more
than I can take.
There's no use running,
she's always one step ahead
though some will say
it's all just in my head
Black cat, turn away
I'm growing tired
of this struggle
every day

We will always
be connected through
love and a theory-
these strings shall
transcend time and space
and bind us
for eternity.

I'm in need of your
love, warmth and affection to
guide me through the night

11:05 AM
7/9/19

I truly believe
we would have been happy if
you gave us a chance

3:53 PM
17/7/22

There are only so
many battles you can fight
so pick them wisely

11:05 PM
10/6/19

Fragments of you
still linger in me-
tiny pieces still embedded
in my heart, my soul
and my memories.

I guess our dream
of owning a dalmatian
doesn't matter
anymore.

It was
a bad year for all,
but 2020 is
merely an illusion.
The arrow of time will
forever stretch in the direction
of chaos and
misery.

Losing respect for
someone is worse than being
angry at someone

2:18 PM
27/1/22

I watch the me i never knew
I watch him stare back at me
through all the shattered memories
And I watch him fade like a breeze
I bury the me i never knew
I bury him deep beneath me
beneath all the love lost long ago
And i watch him rot so deep below

You would think
by now
I would have realized
Just how temporary
a person
can be

You and I.
We had no ending,
not even a goodbye.
Now I am left
to wonder why.

There was always
distance between us;
we both acknowledged this.
But now, it burns too hot -
it's already summer
yet we're still cold.

I only know it as a prison,
even if I should not.
It’s cold inside this prison,
the one I call my head.
The warden strolls past the cells,
her smirk as sharp as knives
as she’s only here to punish.
I’ve been locked up
as long as memory itself,
so long that I’ve forgotten
who I was before a prisoner.
I hear the warden snicker
as she walks by.
Sometimes I day dream
about escaping this hell,
and finding the light
I so bitterly crave.
I dream about plotting my revenge,
About striking down the sorrow
and her leaving behind,
locked up and helpless,
and warden of nothing at all.

Her body
was the sort that
inspired ancient civilizations
to sculpt goddesses into their marble.
Chiseled down to perfection,
they couldn't come close
to the goddess
that is you.

I now realize that
my biggest problem is me-
it always has been

11:11 PM
9/5/22

If you left,
the sun would still shine,
but I would rather have you
and the rain any day.

You know,
I don’t blame you.
And how could I blame you,
when it was me?
I get it, I'm not the easiest
person to be around,
let alone love.  
I admire you for trying-
it must have been exhausting.
But that's okay,
I don't mind being alone-
maybe I'm the only company
that can tolerate me.

I love you so much
that I would share my toilet
paper with you, babe

10:50 PM
12/3/20

Love is like a flower
It can be so delicate
And when you are seduced    
with its beauty and delicacy
You will want to pluck it.
But plucking, in essence,
Kills the flower
Love is different.
Love is leaving it be;
Letting it flourish
and growing with the flower.
Love is watering the flower
when it needs it.
Love is letting the flower
Live among its kind
if it desires it.
Love is appreciating,
Love is beautiful
but when one tries to control
or mold someone into an idea,
this is when love dies

I am who I am-
whether that is good or bad
I still can't decide

I don't know
how long I will miss you,
perhaps it will take as long
as I've wanted you:
an eternity.

She slithers in
underneath my door
in the dead of night.
I let my guard down
and she slides up my bed,
underneath the covers
and curls around my spine.
She whispers sweet terrors
and I find myself awake
and fighting this anxiety
that has me in her grip.

Why do I still crave
validation from people
who I've never met?

7:10 PM
18/2/20

I have a compulsive habit
where I tend to cut people off
the second they get close to me.
Maybe I do this because
I’m terrified of being hurt again;
but maybe the reason isn’t important.
I tend to cut them off quickly
but allow you to stay
in the background like a radio;
On, yet no one is listening to it.
I’ll cut off anyone that reminds
me of you because maybe
if I ignore you long enough
you’ll fade away.

If I just keep writing,
then maybe my poetry
will spill out and
bring you back.

I wish they’d all go away;
The crowds, the voices,
all of it.
Yet they continue
to fill these empty days.
Time will continue to fade
and bring a brand new day
to waste my life away.