I wonder if you know
how to love me when I’m down.
Not only through affection, but  
to be a shining light in these
tunnels of darkness.
I constantly battle my demons-
will you be the angel by my side?
Are you able to fill the void
when a piece of me is
missing from my soul?  
I want you to be here through
the dark days, not only the bright.

How long has it been
since you felt the butterflies
flying from within?

3:49 PM
5/11/20

Awake and thinking about you
and all things we didn't say.
On nights like this I find myself
wishing you were still in my reach
We both still live in the same big city
but it’s not the place we knew.

her smile was sweet
on the eyes but ruinous
to my heart and soul

11:10 PM
5/8/19

loving you did hurt,
but I didn't know it would
cost me my own heart

11:06 PM
12/6/19

Dear Diary;
I think I've figured out
why I enjoy staying up so late.
It's 2:44 am
and the world is quiet.
No one expects anything from me
nor do I expect anything from anyone.
It's just me
and the silence.

it has been a while
since I've written anything worthy
and it has been quite a while
since we last talked.
Perhaps these factors are related-
all I know is that I wrote
some of my favorite pieces
when we kept each other up-
when you were still in my life.

Won't you fall
into my arms?
I can be your palace
or your shallow grave.

Just know that I am in love
with your heart
even though you think
it may not be enough.
I listen to your heartbeat every night-
it's my favorite lullaby
and it beats for me as mine
beats for you.

We shared
brussels sprouts
and a magic like no other-
a magic that I haven't found since.

What if I could be
your light when all of the stars
burn out forever?

10:45 PM
3/1/21

you found me worthy
and left me feeling worthless
when you turned away

7:28 PM
28/6/19

It's impossible
to lose anything when all
you have is in you

10:50  PM
31/8/22

I fall in love a little bit more
each time we are together.
The sun warms up,
the moon glistens brighter,
as does your smile,
whenever I'm with you.

My mistake was
believing you were
the only star in this
vast but lonely universe.
You were all I had,
all I wanted,
and I forgot that
there's a billion other stars
that could have shined for me.

There’s a song
In your heart
It screams for melody
A harmony to tear you apart
A thousand notes
All in one
A heavenly sound
That can't be undone

Your hair flows like wine
Down your body
Sweeter than grapes
And once again
I'm drunk on
The memories
Of you

before the storm comes,
let us drown ourselves in gin
to survive the night.

Sometimes,
the knives in our backs
are the only things
keeping us upright;
Who'd have thought
betrayal could be our
greatest asset?
How ironic.

I feel you slip away
your grip loosens by the second
I'm stretching out my hand
but you don't look up
no, you only stare down
into the abyss below.
I don't know why
you gave up on me
or why I couldn't save you.
I gave it my all
and you still let go.

Why do we
glamorize our pain?
Is it because we're so desperate
to hide our wounds and insecurities?
We fall in love with heartache
and glamorize depression.
We turn our tears to watercolours
to practice the art of sorrow.

You are the beauty of
a thousand sunflowers
and your smile makes the
sunrise in my chest.  
Your roots caress this soul
and intertwine your name
with every petal.

Our first drink of *** was sweet.
It coated our tongues
with spice and the back
of our throats with a burn.
For a moment
I was scared,
because oh,
how easily one can get hooked.

She finds comfort in the night.
Not as warm or popular
as the day.
It must be the silence
caressing her soul at night
or the darkness that washes away
the dirt from yesterday.
She waits for the night-
she waits for the peace.

When people of
our past speak of us,
they speak of a person
they do not know anymore
and that no longer exists.

our roots were tangled
beneath the soil but our
petals never grew

8:08 PM
11/9/20

The city is alive
with its aging streets
and their flashing neon lights.
The hungry inhabitants shed no tear;
the gutters are already overflowing
with broken bottles and promises
and liquid dreams as old as the palace.
This city holds excitement for us all.
But no joy.

This world
doesn't need me-
can't you tell from its silence?
It's deafening.

She owned two cats
and a heart full of sunflowers.
we listened to the Wombats
and talked for seven hours.
She lived across the sea,
in a life unfulfilled.
I hope she does agree
that we have much to rebuild.

Some nights I don’t want to be here anymore,
yet here I am still dragging myself through
another day of “it could be worse”
alongside my demons
and broken promises.

there are some nights
when life tosses you a name
back into your brain
without caution
and we spiral back
into the memories we thought
had left behind a long time ago.
Sometimes our souls take a fall
over life, an endless cliff,
so let the future help
take you higher than before
so that when a toxic name
crawls back into your veins,
you can fight the poison
that wants to reach your heart
oh so badly.

I don't hate you,
I hate what you did.
I hate the person you turned into
because I know that's not you.
I can forgive the person-
always the person,
but the actions
I can't forget.

You try to find that special person
Someone you can be with
Someone you can touch
Someone you can hold
Someone you can talk to
Someone you can identify with
Someone you won’t feel so strange around
You found that they don’t really exist.

It's true,
the moon - she has kissed me
more times than I can remember.
Me - a little, lost soul in search of light.
She brightened up this soul
with her kisses and care
but wouldn't leave
the sky for me.

We’re jumping from island to island
on an ocean
in the clouds;
It doesn’t matter
Anyway.

Drifting across your sea-
carry me away with your waves
away from these people
and this land I have outgrown.
Maybe I will drown
but that's a risk I'm willing to take
if it means I get to
breathe you in.

she's always had wings
she just never knew how to
fly back to Heaven

6:13 PM
15/8/19

When I’m full of anxiety,
and can no longer sit still.
When I feel the need to flee,
because reality becomes too real.
I’m not that way everyday,
but the days that I am,
I feel myself start to fray
like no one can understand.
I may not be or act the way
that some might think I should,
but almost every day,
I just feel misunderstood,
I can’t help my own mind;
it darkens and it races.
Sometimes this head isn't kind;
it's not something one embraces.
I just want to find someone;
someone who will understand;
make me not want to run
but stay hand in hand.
Love me for my imperfect ways,
and be my voice of clarity.
And for the rest of my days
please just set me free.
Love me when I don’t love myself,
and help me grow and blossom.
Help me become like yourself,
a shining beacon, the sweetest plum.
I just need
someone who’ll understand.

Love me on the Moon
without Earth's borders
drawn between us
or it's gravity weighing
us down.
We'll dance among the stars
and forget our Earthly scars.

Let them leave-
it doesn't matter.
If life is temporary,
how can they be permanent?
Nothing really lasts so
strap yourself in and
enjoy the ride.

My relationship
with you is like that
of the sunflowers
and moon-
always distant
and dying in the absence
of your light.

I am a tourist
travelling in between
the sweetest dreams
and the darkest
nightmares.

My rocket crashed
into a long, lost moon
after you steered me off course.
How foolish I was to
trust you as its
commander through
unknown depths.

This year,
we found angels
and demons,
heroes and cons,
standing upon and
deep beneath
this world.

The sun is gone
and now my heart
is falling like leaves.
The wind takes me away
and I'm left to face
the fall alone.

The city never sleeps,
it's too busy wallowing
in broken dreams and
smiles as vacant as the buildings
that are too tall,
and too bright
to ever close.

When I read your words
I hear your voice and I wish
they were still for me

1:47 AM
26/5/19

She grazed my eyes
with an arrow set to stun.
She put another through my soul
and I fell hard, so very hard.
The next one is for my heart
and I am helpless to her
fatal shot.

Some hummingbirds
Must dream of sugar
And I remember your lips
Sweeter than sugar
Some hummingbirds
Take pride in their feathers
Yet, vibrant as they are,
Your eyes remain treasures
And now, my broken wing,
It keeps us far apart
But I will continue to sing  
Longing for your heart
and your lips, a work of art
So here’s a song to the girl  
that this hummingbird
still dreams about

I had prepared for
this moment as best as I
could but it still hurt

7:27 PM
24/8/22