In the end,
I had no choice but
to cut the last thread
that sewed us
together.

Your smile sends sunflowers
sprouting from my soul,
destroying the dark and
leaving light in your wake.

December creeps up on us,
and suddenly, I feel unburdened
from all I have carried this year.
No longer stuck, no longer trudging
through the days, weeks, months
I thought would never end.
Time to cleanse my soul of all
the turmoil and ties I do not
wish to carry into the new year.

As I come to terms with
the heartlessness within me,
I lose count of how many times
my heart has been broken-
how many shards still remain.
I may never recall,
but what I do know
is that the love you seek
within me does not remain.

I'm barely
for everyone.
Hell,
I'm barely
for myself.

If I don't bury
myself in you, I'll bury
myself in poems

6:04 PM
20/1/22

I do not
want this silence
to be the death of us.
I want to find a way back
to your laughter and song.

I am still in awe of the colours
you have painted into my life and
the magic you weave into this world.
To be of the same blood is an honor
I will never take for granted and
to be the one of the same soul
is something I will always cherish.
Thank you for giving me the
hope and strength to keep going
in a world that would be so
cold and bleak without you.

My heart is a
sanctuary of silence,
a place where few have ever glimpsed.
The demons may try to penetrate its walls
but this heart has always proved stronger
than what I gave it credit for.

Is this the finish
line that I have been waiting
for all of my life?

4:13 PM
19/8/20

For better or worse,
life happens without
asking us.
Of course I
am anxious.

People are
like chemicals:
some mixtures bond
and some mixtures
go bang.

When do these thoughts stop?
When will be the day when
I stop thinking about you?
When will be the day when
I stop asking
"what can I do?"

Maybe we
should look at the moon
together
the next time
we miss each other.
Knowing we share the same
starry night
will just have to do
for now.

I have endured
several deaths and rebirths
in just one lifetime

12:03 AM
8/3/22

You're lonely,
I'm lonely,
maybe we can be
a little less lonely
together.

I carry you with me
wherever I go
between heart and soul,
in the extraordinary and
the ordinary moments in life.
I keep you in these eyes
that dream of a future
of you and I,
in my lips
that tell the tale of this hardship,
in my hands
that write of our wonderland,
in the mind
that never left you behind.

Do you ever
lose so much that
you become all too aware
just how temporary it can all be?
Like the ticking time bomb of love,
with each word inching closer
to detonation.

I didn't know a
kiss could turn into such a
descent into hell

1:49 PM
3/8/21

Do you find yourself
staring into the abyss when
there is no more light
left to be found?
We are only human-
were we ever meant to
know such dread?

Learning to look  at you from afar,
to not reach you with these hands,
to get used to the silence,
to become strangers
once again
is one of the
most difficult
lessons I have endured
and am still learning.

These eyes
look to you
like sunflowers
look to the sun

I am worrying
that I am worrying my
worrisome life away

4:51 PM
24/7/24

I love you more
than the milky way
on a clear summer night.
For me the universe only
exists in your eyes.

Dear diary;
I suppose I do consider myself
to be that of a
hopeless romantic.
But I wonder...
why are they considered hopeless and
can you be one without
the other?

I want to lose myself-
not through drugs or fantasy
but through travelling the world.
I want to dive into cultures
and forget where I'm from.

Dear Diary;
Isn't it funny how
some people can show
more love to you
in a day
than others can
in a lifetime?

Trapped
in between
this Heaven and Hell.
I'm in purgatory,
I fell and I fell-
so very far from glory.

I'll walk the streets
some nights
not knowing what I'm looking for.
Just longing and searching
until I find my peace.

I will let you pass
since you are not here to stay-
will we meet again?

10:40 AM
12/3/22

I am
just a reflection
of yourself.

We've only just met
and already I am so
helplessly in love

6:18 PM
8/3/20

I feel nothing
for the greatest pleasures
and terrible tragedies-
this is how it has always been.
Call it a lack of emotion,
an emptiness, a hollowness-
I carry that around in my soul,
my blood and my bones.

How many poems
have you written that no one
has a chance to read?

6:50 PM
7/11/20

Sometimes we just need a hug
for no reason at all.
Sometimes its best to
bury yourself in someone
and in that space, find yourself.
Sometimes we just need the warmth
of skin against skin and
in that warmth, find joy.

When you smile at me,
the sun inside me ignites
and the flowers of
my heart bloom.

If you know me by my writing,
be prepared to know me by my silence,
for the demons from within and beyond
have choked the voice out of me.
I don't want to speak anymore,
I only watch and
I write.

I wish I was
satisfied by silence
but I cannot bite my tongue
anymore.
I will not accept defeat
and I will not let you leave
until I say my piece.

Your touch
is like tornado
sending my heart
into an endless
frenzy.

You are the
field of sunflowers
that I wish to
bloom in.

Whatever happened to
baby Cas or our dreams of
leaving this all behind?
I still think about him
from time to time
just as I think about us
from time to time.
Is he all grown up now?
Have you outgrown me?

Spiderman would have
been in awe of your wit,
Just as superman for
the way you never quit.
The hulk would have
been in awe of your might,
just as Thor for the
way you shone so bright.

In the end,
I have no one
to blame but myself.
I ruined me-
I did it myself.

I hope I make your
day better with my poems-
my words for your soul

4:01 PM
16/3/20

Our conversations
mean more to me than you think-
I cherish them all

3:48 PM
22/2/22

Do not be afraid
to raise the price
of what it costs
to access
you.

We all have different
ways of healing.
For me, I need solitude,
so much solitude and silence.
To just be with myself and
my thoughts is how I
recharge that battery that
never had much spark
to begin with.

Reflections under a pale moon
her hair shimmers like neptune.
We look up at the stars with awed eyes
and watch the cosmos as time flies.
Her blue hair as blue as her heart,
yet she is still my favorite work of art.
Yes, it's true, her heart is torn,
but like the stars above, we are reborn.
So let us look to the cosmos-
to the heavens we are so close.
Magnificent are the angels up there
as is the girl with blue hair.

It's like
a genie took my
favorite wish and
and laid it right beside me.

If our love
is a war then
I am the soldier
that promises to
lives to tell
the tale.